Friday, July 4, 2014


Celebrating the 4th of July in our own way. Three years ago tonight we took Hailey to her first fireworks show. She was 10 months old and slept through the whole thing! We sat on Maple Street at about 140th and watched the fireworks from The Champions Club golf course. Tonight, we stayed home. No fireworks for us, but plenty in the neighborhood. I guess that's just a sign of our old age. We should have gone, the weather today was gorgeous, breezy and cool... Nice.

We started the day with a waffle and pancake breakfast with strawberries and blueberries at church. It was a nice breakfast, but a bit too early for my taste - 8 a.m.! Yikes! Meg has borrowed my car for the past couple days, so she brought it back and spent the day with us. Steve smoked a brisket YUMMY! Tom came up and helped Steve take out another one our dead pines. I loved those trees when we moved in, they shaded nearly the whole back yard and kept the house nice and cool. They were so pretty and lush, you could always smell pine outside on the back porch. Now there's another one gone, one more dead, and another one mostly dead. That will be the end of the beautiful pines...

Anyway, Tom stayed for dinner, Meg was here, and mom and Bob came over. Mom had baked a red cake to make up for the one she didn't make for his birthday since she was recuperating from surgery, but she used canned frosting - which had gone bad or something... she apologized for not having one about 100 times. Brought plates, which were for the cake that she couldn't bring because of the frosting... okay by me, but I know she was disappointed. Then she spent 10 minutes talking about how good the brisket was and how she'd never had brisket before... which, of course, she has had - at our house. I know, I forget a lot, too. Sometimes I have more patience than at other times. It was a great day, and a wonderful dinner.

Just a small personal message here.  I love my country, love the freedoms we enjoy here...  I never, ever thought in my lifetime this country would be in the mess we're in now. We have no leader, at least no one with the leadership skills that are needed for this place in time. The whole world is going to hell in a handbasket, and our so-called president is playing golf or on another multi-million dollar vacation with his worthless family. It disgusts me. HE disgusts me. I'm afraid for my children and grandchildren, afraid and sad. I hope we truly get rid of this piece of work in 2016, that he hasn't managed to totally decimate the Constitution and eliminate the two-year limit. I pray every night that we can rid this country of the infestation of evil from within. I truly hope the morons that voted for Obama simply because he was black (well, half black), don't vote for Hillary Clinton simply because she's a woman. I'm not even sure she's half a woman.... End of rant.


I've been working really hard to try and give this Tramadol a fair shake. I've been using only Tramadol, twice per day, just like he took me. When I called for the appointment today and I just got fed up. I have the pain, take the meds, nothing works. I don't notice any change in my pain level when I do take it.Lets hope we get to try something that can help. If he wants. Maybe percocet or Anvenza. Anything will help. Except shots, but when the pain is bad I'll try anything.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Sleepless in Omaha

It was another sleepless night last night. I hate not being able to sleep. It's not like back in my reckless youth when I'd work all day, go out with friends, and then decide to drive to Minneapolis, get there early in the morning, run around all day and finally crash into oblivion for 4-5 hours and be ready to go.  It's awful. I take all my meds, get into bed, we watch a couple episodes of Parks and Recreation, Steve cons out, TV shuts off... I close my eyes and try to empty my head..... Nothing. I check my watch, a little after midnight. Close my eyes... Bitsy, our mini dachshund, inches her way up from my feet, slowly, slowly, until she's ready to jump up on Steve's pillow. I catch her, put her back on her blanket and lie down, close my eyes... immediately a line from some song starts repeating itself over and over and over in my head... Who sings that? I get up, Google the lyrics to find out the band. Great. Now I can sleep. Check the time, 1:22 a.m. crap. Close my eyes... Start thinking about how awesome it was that my dad saw angels in his hospital room before he died. Uh oh... I miss my dad!  My eyes start leaking and tears are running in my ears. If only Ben were here... Now the tears are really coming and my nose is starting to run. I'll never have another dog that I'll love the way I loved him. S tasting to sob, so I get out of bed, so as not to disturb Steve and sneak into the bathroom, trying not to wake Heidi and Buttercup, because they'll think it's morning...  I finally quit crying, blow my nose, wipe my eyes, and go back to bed. I close my eyes...  The jukebox in my head starts all over, I'm so dizzy, my head is spinnin', like a whirlpool, it never ends.  I'm so dizzy... NO! I sit up to check the time. Almost 3 a.m. what was in that Ambiem bottle? Sugar pills?  CRAP!  I heard Buttercup snorting and walking around.... who do you build me up, build me up, Buttercup Baby, just to let me down..... shut off the music in my HEAD!,,,,  I just want SLEEP!!! Now it's almost 4 a.m. only 2 hours until steve will wake me up when he gets up. It got quiet, the voices in my head start talking again. No, I'm not schizophrenic, either... obviously, no sleep  tonigh

Sometimes a little sleep can go a long way. Unfortunately not just tonight. At least I'm yawning tonight!,,

Monday, June 9, 2014

Is Laughter Really the Best Medicine?

I got on Netflix tonight and watched a couple episodes of AFI (America's Funniest Videos) and then proceeded to laugh myself into a stomachache. I bet it's been 3 years since I was he'd it last and the shows I watched tonight we're way older than that, but they were FUNNY!

I didn't do anything today. Wait, that's a lie, I put away the dishes Steve washed yesterday.  That's it. I didn't really even get dressed, just put on a longer lounger sort of thing so if I had to take something out to the recycle bin my knickers wouldn't show. BWA HA HA!

I called the doctor today, but didn't hear back. I forgot to call him until after 3 though. I know, I know  you have to wonder how I forgot to call the doctor about my pain meds when I'm in so much pain, but that's part of the problem... when the pain is bad my brain turns to absolute slush. I can't remember anything - and I do incredibly stupid things. I had gone out to the kitchen to answer the phone earlier, it was my friend, India. We chatted a bit and I decided the wooden chairs were too uncomfortable to sit in, so I walked back to the bedroom and had just gotten all settled, with the dogs all around me (all the while talking to India) when I suddenly thought "Oh, I left the phone in the kitchen. I want it back here in case the doctor's office calls..." I was out of bed before I realized I was ON THE PHONE! I need a keeper...

Rolling Hills Ranch called again today to see if Steve and I would be interested in moving in. Boy howdy, would I ever! prepared meals all day, every day, housekeeping once a week, no stairs, laundry on the same level,  nice neighborhood, what's not to like? The only problem is they don't allow more than one small dog, and we have too much junk to get rid of quickly. I'd love to go through the storeroom in the basement, but I'm too afraid of the spiders I'm sure are lurking in there. I've seen two in our bedroom recently. Well, okay, one was in the bathroom, but it's attached to the bedroom. Yesterday Steve brought up clean laundry for me to fold and he put the basket in the tub for me to do later. I didn't do it today, and now I'm pretty sure the Arachnid family has moved into the basket and I'm afraid to fold the clothes. I hate spiders worse than snakes. I mean if I see a snake outside I'm really on its territory, right? But spiders have no sense that they're trespassing when they're in MY bathtub in MY house. Cheeky little freaks. I hate them.

Took a Hydrocodone tonight before going to bed. I want some relatively pain free sleep tonight. At least for an hour or so. Tomorrow I will get out of bed, maybe even get dressed and 《gasp》 try a short walk. That is, IF I feel better. Here's hopin'!

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Tramadol - No bueno.

Is the weekend finally over? I must call Dr Snow's office tomorrow and either increase this dose, try something stronger or just freaking shoot myself. Went to run errands and go to the store with Steve yesterday. MIS-take. Then my nephew came over about 8:30 and was here until 2:30 a.m.  I don't mind, we love him to pieces, but I should have gone to bed about 10.

Obviously, didn't make it to church this morning. Actually didn't make it out of bed until about 2 p.m. There was no way I was going to get out of bed with the pain I was in this morning. Seriously. Oh. My. God. It was bad. Took some Tramadol when I got up - nothing. Meg and Jason came over to watch a Formula One race, then Sue called and came over, (which finally caused me to HAVE to get up), then Tom stopped on his way home from a race in South Dakota... it was a busy afternoon, and I really was so not feeling like being gracious. Had major heartburn, which gave me a sore throat - although as I wrote this I Had a sneezing fit and my nose is burning.

Meg and Jason stayed for dinner, which Steve cooked, and it was fabulous! They left, Steve did the dishes, bless his heart, and then mom and Bob came over. I had finally taken another Tramadol, so I couldn't keep my eyes open. Why doesn't it work that way any other time? By the time they left, I was wide awake. Now, more pain. More meds and hopefully, sleep. Please. Sleep...


It was a long day today - er,  yesterday. I had an appointment with my rheumatologist on Thursday. He agreed that 13 years on Hydroondone was enough and switched my pain meds. I can't say the new one is exactly a roaring success. I woke up this a.m. about 6:30 and couldn't get back to sleep because there was no comfortable way to lie down. Got up and took one of the new pills. It took until almost 8, but I did finally manage to get back to sleep for about an hour. One good thing, my hands were pain free for several hours. It didn't last, but it was nice. 😊

Steve got off at 1:00, summer hours, and went to cut wood at Tom's new house. I worked on genealogy until he got home around 5:30, and then we went to Jason's Deli for dinner. I did cheat a little, took half of a Hydrocodone about noon with no help, so took another Tramadol at 3. Nothing. When Steve got home I was in the midst of one of my cold flashes, so he took a shower before we went out. At about 9 p.m. I took another Hydrocodone and that was it for pain pills today. I can't hardly hold my tablet to write this, my hands are hurting so bad. What to do? He only prescribed one Tramadol twice a day. No way is that going to work. I'm going to try a whole meloxicam instead of a half and see how my stomach handles that. I'll call his office on Monday if things aren't better. I really like this doctor. He LISTENS to me. I hope that doesn't change! I know it has to be hard to have his job, nobody goes to a rheumatologist unless they have to. It must be wah, wah, wah all day.

When Steve and I got home tonight we watched a YouTube video of a lecture at Stanford about depression. It was really interesting. I wondered as I watched it if Steve realized how much of it related to me. Both of my parents have been/were diagnosed with major depression - so was I, years ago. Fibro and depression go hand in hand. You're depressed because of the pain, and the pain gets worse because of the depression. Then you add in the grief I still feel for dad, and Ben, and the other dogs we lost in the year prior to dad's death, and I'm a mess. Then you add in Nell and Carole both being so sick, birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, the memorial service at the police station and the one that I'm now feeling bad for skipping at the nursing home, and I'm shocked I'm functioning at all.

After that, we watched Big Fish, a movie with Ewan McGregor and Albert Finney. That was a mistake. I kept remembering bits and pieces, but I couldn't remember the end. Then came the end, and I realized I hated the movie, that's why I couldn't remember it all, I didn't watch most of it the first time because I didn't like it. The end is SAD. Very sad. I wish I would have remembered that much, so I could have avoided it tonight. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed... it was awful, and Steve, bless his heart is not a great comforter.  I will NEVER watch that dawned movie again!

To top it all off, Steve went out and checked the raspberries tonight and the raspberry bed is overrun with poison ivy. Isn't that lovely? I'm afraid to eat the berries, being so close to the poison ivy. I'm weird about that...

Looks like hopefully we'll see Hailey on Father's Day. That'll be fun! I bet she'll like my tablet.... That all the news that is news... be good to yourself, don't depend on anyone but yoyrself to be responsible for your happiness!!!

Mindi 😂🐼🐧🐪🐯🐷🐒🐵🐜🐌♉♉♉♉

Friday, May 30, 2014

My Personal Hope For the Future

Isn't she beautiful?

Children are our hope the future will be bright, aren't they?