Growing Up

We got the call on Monday that the VA Home had a bed for dad. I was so glad. I'm so happy that we don't have to worry about him anymore. We took him out to dinner at Boyd and Charlie's for Burger Tuesday last night with dad, Mel, and Sarah, and then we went back to his house and broke the news. I had been praying and praying all day yesterday that things would go well. Prayed for the right words to tell him, prayed for him to understand that we're just looking out for him. He took it very well, and I think we handled ourselves very well. By the time we left he said he was "leaning toward going", but he wanted to think about it overnight. I can imagine it's hard for him to give up the idea of living in his own home. I don't even know if he really realizes he won't ever dome "home" again. I mean, I know he knows, but does he understand - I'm not sure. Tonight Steve and I went to Wal-Mart and grabbed some boxes to at least get his clothes packed that he's going to take. He's doing great. We could talk about anything and he was very cooperative and acting like he's actually looking forward to going. I think it helped that Bob called him today and told him what a good thing he thinks this is for dad. He's going with us on Monday so he can take a look around too. Bob had no idea that he (and Carol) could go to the VA Home, so he wanted to go look around. I found out that he's been paying $1000 a month in premiums for long term care insurance for him and mom. That's just crazy - there are so many things they could be doing with that money! When we were over at dad's and getting the stuff packed, we were talking about his checking account. The money for the second mortgage is automatically deducted from his checking account, so he's just going to close his account and open another. He wants to get all that done on Friday when his check goes into the Credit Union. I said that was fine, but we need the money for his payment on Monday. So I was trying to explain to him that we probably would need a cashier's check for the home. He kept saying, we'll just write a check from the old account, but I was trying to tell him that there wouldn't be any money in the old account to write a check on because he would have used the money to open the new account. He just couldn't grasp it. I knew he was getting worse, I expected him to be getting worse, but to see how bad it seems to have gotten just breaks my heart. I see my grandma in him now, the grandma with Alzheimers. I don't want to see my dad like that. I just don't. I know we don't have much good time left, and I'm sad that he's going to be so far away. We have to take advantage of spending good quality time with him while we can. The older I get the more I realize how much I love my daddy, even though he felt like a big brother for so long. The first stingray bike I ever got, while even Cathy D, was riding an older bike. The swimming pools we used to have and how he set them up. I remember my Brownie Troop going on a field trip to the old Police Station and running into my dad in the garage and I was so embarrassed that he was a police officer that I wouldn't even talk to him. Having grown up and had kids of my own, I imagine that really hurt his feelings. Of course I remember the bad things too... Begging him to take my picture at a party he and mom were having. He took my picture all right. After I got spanked for bothering him about the picture and then he took the picture. Thank God it was black and white because my face was still all blotchy! Silly dad... Anyway, lots of memories came back tonight, not all good, but certainly not all bad and I know that the dad I know is really failing and I'm going to miss him. That's all about that tonight. I'm jjst too weepy to go on. Had to take Heidi and Ben both to the vet today. I knew one of them had a bladder infection, but just wasn't sure which one. Monday we found a small (Cookie-size) piddle under the rocker where Ben likes to "go" and there were 2 drop of red blood in it. So, Ben and Ruger were both wearing belly bands. Then yesterday while Ben had a small reprieve from the dreaded belly band I found a little tiny puddle with blood in it again - only this time it was in the bedroom, in the middle of open space, like a girl had done it. Hmmmmm.... Which one did it? Both Heidi and Ruger had been in the bedroom, so I had no way of knowing. I didn't want whoever it was to continue to be in pain and I knew from the small amount of urine that they were having some pain. I made an appointment today at 2:20 for both of them. Well, Heidi did have a bladder infection, so she's on antibiotics, and Ben's wink was bruised, so that could have been a source of fresh blood too, so since we couldn't get a urine sample from Ben, we just put both of them on antibiotics. I hope they both feel better really soon! The weather yesterday and today has been warm! Wouldn't you figure? Mom buys me a cool sweatshirt and it's been too warm to wear it. I thought today would be cool, so I wore it to the vet and nearly sweat to death! Leaving the vet I saw the temperataure was 88 degrees. What?! Not complaining because I didn't feel too sore or achy until about 4:30 tonight, but then it hit like a ton of bricks. I got over it, went to Wal-Mart and got the boxes for dad. We're going to need more for his other stuff that he wants to keep, his personal things, that we need to pack and put in our basement. I told him he could put is private things in a box and we'd seal it, and no one would open it. It was safe. I know dad talked to Pam last night, but he won't tell us everything that was said. He told me he just left her a message, but then later he told me she was upset that dad was moving to GI, because "What am I gonna do?" Who gives a flying flip what she does? She sure as hell didn't care what dad was going to do when she took off and left dad with everything. I even told dad tonight to forget the bankruptcy. Let Pam take all the debt, hire a lawyer, and get it done. Stupid bitch. What am I going to do... I can tell her a few things she could do. I'm getting to the point that I'm not even mad at her anymore I just want her gone, bye-bye, so long, sayonara... Of course if she blew away, I wouldn't feel too bad. I'm going to start calling all the creditors next week and giving them her information. Let her answer some calls for a change. I need to get some sleep. Already took the Ambien.... Night for now...