Did you see the fireworks near my house last night? Just kidding. I'm just so tired of being sick and tired and not having anyone to depend on. Oh yeah, I'm married. BFD. Friday night into Sunday I couldn't sleep - bad leg pain again, he knew I was up at 4:30 because he got up to go to the bathroom and asked me if I had been asleep yet. I told him no. At 5:30 the alarm goes off so he can go to Kearney (yes, Kearney - 183 miles, one way) for a freaking gu show. I was finally sleeping, so he just left. It was a Very Bad Day. I mean I don't have many days that bring me to tears, but yesterday was one of them. It would have been so nice to have someone around to let the dogs in and out 900 times and maybe clean up the messes they made but oh no. And when we got into it about it, it was MY fault because I didn't tell him I didn't feel good. He has such a knack for turning EVERYTHING around to be my fault. Always.
Oh, and I will readily admit I was royally pissed when he got home. I seriously don't think I've ever been so mad at anybody in my life as I was yesterday. I yelled, I threw things, I slammed things - yes I did. I'm not proud of myself, not by a long shot, but you would think after 24 years of being together and him being "best friends" with a neuropsychologist that he would realize that I have NO control over my temper. None. Well, very little. I guess no one ever told him about decreased inhibition in someone with a head injury. That doesn't mean I run around naked, it means that I don't have a lot of control over my emotions. Any emotions, and especially anger. I really think the problem is he just doesn't care. I know he knows, and he does nothing about it. He won't even meet me halfway.
This marriage is about in the old dust bin because I'm tired of being alone all the time. If I have to be sick and alone, I might as well be sick and alone because I'm single, not because my husband is an ass.