D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Got dad to his lawyer today and got the papers filed for his divorce from the witch. I feel so sorry for him, but I get so irritated at telling him the same thing over, and over, and over. I really don't know how much is him just having so much on his mind and being stressed, and how much is dementia-type forgetting. I find myself getting mad and just snapping at him, but I know that doesn't do any good and will only cause hurt feelings and I certainly don't mean to do that. I would like to know, however, how he can remember what I said that ticked him off, but can't remember what I said when I'm trying to help him? Just wondering.

To top it all off, stupid Garry kept calling him today looking for Missy. Okay, maybe the first 3 times he called to just say hello - (bwa ha ha...), but the fourth time (in an hour) he specifically said he was looking for Missy and he had called the hospitals but nobody would tell him anything. Really. Ever heard of HIPPA? Stupid jackass. Dad didn't want to talk to him so I called him and asked him, very politely if I do say so myself, to please not call dad because he had enough on his plate right now without worrying about Missy and that she wasn't staying with dad and that's all I knew. I get home from dad's house to find a message from him saying, "I got your message and I'd appreciate it if you would call me back to get your facts straight" in a really snotty voice. Guess what? I have no time for that jerk. I know Missy is fine and if she doesn't feel like going back to his house that's her business. She's an adult. NMP. I can't stand that jerk ever since he stalked her a couple Christmases ago when she was at my house and he left a really rude message on my phone then. Sorry Mr. City Council President. You can go to heck... lol!

The stress is kind of getting to me, I think. I'm pretty sure I have an ulcer - but they heal. On the other hand, Steve came home from work tonight and asked how my day was and I just burst into tears. Yeah, it's the kind of week, month, whatever... I'd like to go somewhere and cry and until I can't cry anymore and then cry some more just for the fun of it. The fact that Steve is so compassionate (heavy sarcasm) doesn't help much. I was telling him about something that happened today and he freaking laughed. Laughed. I couldn't believe it. I'm glad he's so freaking jolly. He'll be laughing out of the other side of his face if I just go ahead and have this nervous breakdown... Or trade him in for two 25 year olds. Heck, I'd be happy with a 54 year old with a heart.

I know that I just have to give it up. Just give it to God and let Him deal with it, but how do you do that? How do you just say, "Here you go, God. Do what you want with it?" without still feeling like you have to fix it? I can't just not care, although I know that's not what I'm doing. Where's the peace? I've been praying for it, but it's just not finding me. If anybody finds my peace out there, could you send it to me? I'm not going anywhere.