I hate deer season. Hate, hate, hate it.

It's times like this when I know that Steve doesn't know or understand how I feel, physically or emotionally. I cannot handle being home alone with six dogs. I love my dogs to death, they are an extension of me and they're the only ones who are there for me when I really feel like crap. However, when I feel like crap, I cannot take care of all 6 of them. And not only does Steve HAVE to go deer hunting, he has to go for five days - he's gone for 2 days before the season even opens! What the hell? Friday morning I got up, went to the bathroom and came back to bed to find that Cookie had peed in the bed. And in all her littleness, she didn't miss a thing but the pillows! So I had to strip the bed, carry everything downstairs, wash, dry, and remake the bed. It's time like that, that I really miss my little trailer. Everything was on one floor. Here I can stay on the main floor, but the washer and dryer are still downstairs and I can't carry a full laundry basket upstairs anymore. It's easy to shove stuff DOWN, but it's another matter altogether to get it back UP.

I had a good day today, I really did. Went to Goodwill and found a pair of jeans and then I went to Wal-Mart and got dad some Husker pajama pants and a Husker ball cap (he never wears a ball cap, but he told me today he wanted one...) for his birthday, and a card. Matt was going to bring Hails over today, but but she had a bad case of vomiting at Bagel Bin, so they decided to stay home. I asked Matt if I could stop by there, so I got her a couple sticker books and a color books, and I stopped by there. She was so happy to see me and I was thrilled to see her too! We visited for a little bit - we played with her sticker book and she colored a bit, and then we read some books. She has a harmonica and she was so cute playing with that! She blow a note and then she'd laugh and giggle, play another note, laugh and giggle, I wish I would have had my iPod with me, or my camera that does videos, she was so damn cute! Magann said Hailey was going to be over during the week, so they'd try to stop over. I hope so. It's been a month since I saw her and I can't believe how much she's changed! You could understand her before, but she still talked a lot of baby talk that you kind of had to figure out what was going on... Now she talks and talks and talks, and only rarely is hard to understand. She wanted to call Stephen on the phone, but he wasn't home. She loves to talk to him. We talked about everybody in Stephen's family and how much she loves baby Kaylee... She's growing up SO fast... She told me about her hayrack ride at the pumpkin patch, and the bee on her apple at the orchard. It's hard to believe she's only 2!

Anyway, by the time I got hom I was hurting pretty bad. Like, I actually called Meg to see if she could come feed the dogs bad. She was busy tonight, Jason had a show at Northwest, I think she said, so that was out. Mom was going out to dinner with Sue and Smitty, so that was out. I may or may not have dropped a few F bombs, and took a pain pill and crawled into bed. The dogs just had to wait. They weren't happy, but I just couldn't do it. Tomorrow Mel, Meg, and I are going to Grand Island for dad's birthday, and then, FINALLY, on Monday Steve will be home. I swear to God, this is the LAST freaking year I'm going to stay here by myself. We'll see how I am by Monday.  Steve did call tonight - we had a lousy connection (how ironic is that?). Brett got a big buck today, only 3 points, but Steve said it must weight about 250 pounds, bigger than anyone (from their group) has ever gotten. Cool. Wish Steve had gotten a couple so he could just come home. As if...

I went to see Dr. S on Friday. We had a little chat about whether or not this stuff that I've noticed lately is due to MCTD or fibro... He noticed that he hadn't had an ANA or any other rheumatological blood tests done since Dr. Klein had done them last, so we got those. I like Dr. S, I really do, but I felt again like I used to feel when I first got sick. Nothing we can do about the possible esophageal problems because they aren't constant. He can order the tests, but if I'm not having the problem every day, so the tests really wouldn't show anything. sigh... We'll see what the blood work shows. The last ANA was negative, but that was the first negative one in quite some time, so we'll see how things stand now. I'm going to stay on the Savella until the end of December, if I haven't noticed some relief by then, he'll taper me off that. I kind of think to myself that if I'm not getting relief from a fibro drug, doesn't that make sense that maybe it's not fibro pain? He did change my hydrocodone to the 10/325, so I can take 2 at a time if I need to without going over my Tylenol limit for the day. That's some good news I guess. Save a little bit of my liver anyway. Ha ha ha... Small joke. That's about it, I guess, until I get those results. Happy Veteran's Day to all my friends and family who are vets - even if they don't read my rambling... I'm so proud of you and all you did to keep us free.

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

Even though the weather alarm woke me up this morning with a severe thunderstorm watch until 2 p.m. it was a nice day. We had about 3 claps of LOUD thunder a little rain, and that was it. So nice. It looked like we were really going to get some rain, but it all went east of us. Sorry, Iowa.

Our weather was much better than that on the East Coast, that's for sure, with Hurriane Irene wreaking havoc all over from North Carolina to Maine. I'm glad all we have to content with are tornadoes. Okay, occasionally a blizzard or two. And yes, we are on a huge fault line, but I've only felt one earthquake in my life and that was just a small rumble that was actually centered in Western Nebraska, but hey, no hurricanes! I'm glad that as far as I know, all my friends survived just fine and hopefully no one ends up flooded out or blown away.

I was pretty sore from my journey to the zoo yesterday, but Steve was pretty good about things today. He shampooed the carpet in the bedroom and half my hobby room. Not that it did a lot of good, but it looks better. I think Ben has a mild eye infection or irritation. His right eye has been red and had a lot of goober in it lately. Found some eye ointment tonight and used that, we'll see how it goes. I hope we don't have to take him to the vet, but if we do, then we do. Pets are like kids, you have to keep them healthy.

Speaking of healthy, I think I have an infection where my wisdom tooth came out. It's been swollen ever since the tooth was pulled, but I noticed Friday afternoon it was kind of "squishy" and tonight it leaked some vile stuff, so I have to call Dr. P's office tomorrow morning. Wish me luck on that. I'm kind of freaking out since I had to sign that stupid waiver about bone infection because I've taken Fosamax. I'll feel better once he looks at it.

Mel rented a house and she's moving out on September 9th. I'm so glad for her, but worried about dad since we don't know when he'll be going into Grand Island and he'll be alone with Missy. He might as well be alone for all the good she is. If by some miracle she manages to become vertical before 1 or 2 in the afternoon, she can't cook. Plus, they won't have Mel's income to help with expenses. I wish we could hire someone to come in and be with him during the day at least, but there's no money for that. I've been trying to get him into Sarah Care or some other adult care site ever since he came home from the hospital the last time. Mel and Missy both assured me that he'd be going, but he ha yet to go. I'm not going to mention it again; and I'm not going to go out there every day to watch dad so Missy can sleep. Doesn't matter if she's awake or not, he drank the antifreeze while she sat right next to him. I'm frustrated with her anyway - what else is new? She was supposed to come home last night because Mel had to work her part-time job, but she texted Mel and told her she wasn't coming home because the twins could watch him We've only discussed umpteen times that dad is NOT the responsibility of the twins, he's OUR responsibility because he's OUR dad. Right over her head, just like everything else. Mel told her that she was moving and Missy had the gall to ask Mel if she would take Medusa with her! Of course she said she'd come over every day and let Medusa out. Right - until she had a headache or was with Ray, or Garry, or Brad, or Steve, and then poor Medusa would be lost in the shuffle and forgotten. Just like she forgets about them every weekend. I swear, if I have to listen to her cry about how her dog is her whole life I'm going to vomit. If she had moved last year when I, um, invited her to go, we wouldn't be in this mess because we could have hopefully found someone to take care of dad then and wouldn't have to go through all this now. She's a bigger pain in the ass than dad is, and she doesn't even have dementia! I'm betting she'll move back in with Garry since Ray doesn't like dogs an especially doesn't like Medusa. Or maybe she'll move in with Steve, since he was expecting her to move in when dad had to move anyway... There are times I get frustrated and crabby about some things in my life, but I'm so glad that I don't have pieces of my life scattered over the whole metro area, some stuff here, some stuff there, no bed, no place of my own or even a room to call mine. She lives like a homeless person and thinks it's funny when people say she's a nomad. I don't think it's funny, I think it's sad.

Matt called tonight. They sent a settlement offer to Hailey's "mother", but haven't heard anything back yet. I wish he would just go to court and kick her ass, but I know lawyers. Nobody wants to go to court and work for what's best for Hailey. Even if Matt wanted too his lawyer probably wouldn't. I remember my second attorney when I was trying to get custody of Matt. He was all talk about how we'd get Marty on the stand and prove this and that and the other thing. When it came right down to brass tacks he said he wouldn't go to court because we wouldn't win. Made me madder than hell then, and I'm mad now, that the system is so screwed up that you can't even try to prove a case because everyone already has their mind made up. I really worry about Hailey if her mother has her for the better part of the time. Her boyfriend is such a loser, and I think he's the one who broke Hailey's leg. She's only a baby and obviously her mother is more worried about having a boyfriend than she is about taking care of her child.

Well, going to grab some Ambien and hope it doesn't fail me tonight. Stay tuned for more episodes of My Crazy Life, or, How to Live in a Soap Opera and Still Stay Sane.

Happy day, but a little frustrating

Happy Day because I didn't have to get my tooth pulled today. I still have to have it done, but Dr. P., said he wouldn't do it unless I had sedation because it's a pretty bad tooth and since it's already had a couple root canals done and there's not much actual tooth to grasp, he's afraid it's going to break and come out in pieces and he's worried about problems with the bone, so it's scheduled for next Wednesday. I feel much better knowing that it's going to be done under sedation. Too bad I have to have it done at all. I blame my mother for my rotten teeth, she had horrible teeth herself and looked like a horse until she got her dentures when I was a baby - and seriously, I don't remember having a toothbrush around when I was growing up. Seriously. Never went to the dentist unless we had a toothache and didn't have regular checkups. I'm sure my mom would remember differently though. Once in school we got these dental hygiene kits and you chewed this red tablet and then brushed your teeth and then looked to see where your teeth were still red, so you'd know where you had to brush again or spend more time brushing. I was enthralled with that toothbrush and that's when I really learned to brush my teeth and try to take care of them. Thanks mom, for everything. And I just have to say it, Dr. P. isn't too bad to look at. Nice to have eye candy for an oral surgeon... I'm just sayin'.

Tuesday dad had an appointment with Dr. Green, which no one could take him to, so I had called the VA and rescheduled his appointment for Friday at 10:30 I told Mel and Missy both that I was getting this tooth taken care of today, so one of them would have to take him. So... Guess who's taking dad to the doctor tomorrow? That's right -- ME. I'd like to tell them to forget it, but of course they had dad call me to ask if I'd take him - three frigging times. I missed his first 2 calls and the 3rd time I my phone was at Meg's because I forgot my purse over there. I called him back and told him I'd take him and he wanted to know where I had been this afternoon. I reminded him again that I had had a dental appointment. He apologized for bothering me and told me he forgot - of course he did, he has dementia. I have no idea why no one else conveniently forgot. I'm really trying not to be ticked off about this, and I didn't call either one of them about it - yet. Oh, and did I mention he was calling from HIS PHONE? The one nobody was going to let him have back? I guess this whole idea of all of us making decisions together is too inconvenient when I'm not doing something for everyone else. This is why when Mel and Missy got so mad at me a couple months ago because I allegedly don't "do" enough for dad, I wasn't too upset to hear they didn't need me and were going to do everything themselves. Yeah, that lasted about 3 days until they needed me to do something and then we had to work together for "dad's sake". And I'm a stupid fool because I thought maybe we were going to work on stuff together. Ha ha ha... You know, I'm the one that's supposed to be leading by example and doing the "right thing" to help them out. Of course I'd be the biggest bitch in the world if I ask why Mel could take 3 days off work while dad was in the hospital, but can't take time off to take him to the doctor. It doesn't matter what I do, it's going to be the wrong thing. I'm pretty sure they're expecting me to be the one to tell dad that he's going to the VA home too. It'll be just like the time "we" talked to him about going to the Norfolk home. I did all the talking while Missy and Mel stood there with their arms crossed like they didn't agree with what I was saying and didn't way one freaking word. Not doing it again. I'm not the one who has to live with him, am I? They throw that back in my face often enough I ought to toss it right back. I know they think I just sit around all day playing computer games, oh, wait, that was Amber... Pretty sure they all think the same thing and I'm pretty damn tired of worrying and trying to do what's best for dad and having everyone agree with me and then blow everything off. It was almost a month ago I said I thought maybe dad should be getting more socialization, going back to SarahCare at least for the time the VA would pay for (two days a week, but hey, better than nothing). The doctor agreed, Mel agreed, Missy agreed - and dad still hasn't gone anywhere. Mel was going to check with ENOA, which she finally did, but then they had to do some BS and they were going to call her back, blah, blah, blah... Meanwhile, dad sits at home and everybody gets frustrated because of his behavior or lack thereof, and when he pulls some stupid ass prank like drinking antifreeze, I'm the one they're going to call. Again. Am I the only person who can see a pattern here?

One more little rant and I'm done. It's 30 miles from my house to dad's and back. So tomorrow I'm going to leave my house and drive to dad's to get him, then back past my house to the VA, then back past my house again to take him back home and then back home. About 70 miles in total and for the FIRST time, I'm going to ask dad for gas money. He's covered the gas bill, electric bill, and paid for groceries because no one ever has any money and I've never taken a frigging dime, but enough is enough. He can give me $20 for gas, and if he wants to go out to lunch, he can pay for that too. My time is worth just as much as anybody else's in the family.

I'm pretty sure that by the time I get to this blog at night and write how I feel that I'm pretty much the biggest bitch in the world. I hate that. I am happy and I do have good friends that I have a good time with, but this shadow of dad and all the shit that goes on with him really overshadows everything - although I don't do anything for him... A little understanding from my spouse might be nice too. He did take the afternoon off work to go to the oral surgeon with me, but he told me work has been boring lately and there hasn't been anything to do anyway. Gee, thanks.

We went over to Meg and Jason's tonight and moved Meg's bed to the new house. I wonder if they're ever going to get moved. I can't stand to be in transition for days and days. When I move, I want to move and be done with it.

Some other really good news is that Meg and Jason found a dog. I mean, this dog literally showed up at their old house tonight and wouldn't leave. He kept jumping up in the truck and didn't want to get out. He's a very nice dog, I think maybe a pitt and Boxer mix. They asked around the neighborhood and a lady down the street said she had been taking care of him for about a week, but he wasn't her dog, he just showed up one night. He's a real sweetie, but very afraid of the leash. He had no collar or tags, so Meg used the leash in a slip knot to use as a collar/leash combination and as soon as he put it over his head he just lay down in the grass and wouldn't move. Just absolutely refused to move an inch with it on, and he was very submissive. Makes me wonder if someone had hurt him. He didn't have any marks on him, but he definitely has a story. When they brought my purse back to our house they still hadn't decided on a name for him. Brittany wants to call him "Bob", but Meg refused. She told Britt her grandpa's name is Bob and she wasn't going to name her dog the same thing. I think they should call him "JD" for "Just Dog", but they weren't sure about that. He really likes Jason and followed him around the house like a... Well, like a puppy! They can have dogs in their new house, so I hope it works out for all involved.

I guess that's all the complaining I can do for one night. ha ha ha.... Things will be better tomorrow, right? RIGHT?

This and That for November!

	Reverently, Quietly .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Isn't this a great shirt? I want it! My old prednisone shirt is looking a little worn!

I love this picture of Hailey - When I see it I think of the Primary Song "Reverently, Quietly" (which you should be able to hear when you click on the green button in the above song bar), but I have to confess that she folds her arms when she's ticked off and I just happened to catch her with her eyes closed! There was nothing reverent or quiet about this picture!

Steve is off on another killing spree... Don't worry, only Bambi and her mama are in danger! I hate this week of the year, absolutely hate it! I don't particularly care for deer meat and I don't know why he goes if we're not going to eat the meat. He hasn't actually shot a deer for years now anyway - probably just an excuse to go away and play with the boys for a week or so. Wish I could find a good excuse to do the same!

As usual, with Steve gone, one of the dogs have to have a health problem. Ruger got up this morning and wouldn't eat his breakfast. I called the vet, because of his Cushings I tend to take his health a little more seriously than I do the others. Dr. Jesske called back about 4:30 to see how he was doing. I still hadn't been able to coax him to eat or drink anything. I even tried putting his bowl of food on the table by the chair, because he loves to eat anything that might be left on that table for say... 2 seconds! Still, he hadn't touched it. Dr. J said to bring him on in for a couple injections of fluid since he hadn't been drinking, and a steroid shot. He asked when Ruger had his last Lysodren pill and I really don't know if Steve remembered to give it to him on Wednesday or not, so he said we'll just hold it until Ruger is past this crisis. Tomorrow he has to go back in for blood work. I noticed his tummy is becoming a little bare again and his hair is falling out by the handful - might be time to adjust his meds again. Poor sweetie. He always looks so worried! His eyebrows have turned white in the past couple months, which gives him a perpetual Eeyore look.

Hailey was here this week - so it was a good week. She has grown another tooth - that makes 5! So she now has 3 on the top and 2 on the bottom. This week she perfected her walking backward skill and is holding her hands over her head and twirling around so she can dance more with The Wiggles now! I can't wait for Christmas and watch her with the DVD we got her that has some of her favorite songs on it. The one we watch now is good, but not so much familiar stuff on it. She just LOVES The Wiggles!

The excitement of the first snow is over! We had a couple inches last night. I didn't mind the snow as much as hearing branches fall on the roof because the snow was so wet and heavy. Of course the dogs are on high alert because Daddy is gone, so every little sound makes them very nervous. Consequently, they barked until almost midnight at every bump and creak, which of course creeped me out and made me nervous. It was a vicious circle! By 4:30 when I took Ruger to the vet, the streets were all just dry with wet spots from the melting snow (which will turn to ice tonight, with an expected low of 29). There's still snow on the grass in most places, but it's all fallen out of the trees and walking wasn't too bad. As I was watching it fall last night I kept wondering who was going to shovel the driveway and sidewalks today. I knew I sure wasn't. I have no idea how to use the snow blower, and I don't even know if it has gas in it yet! We were expecting 3-6", and I thought it might be a problem, but it wasn't. Whew. Dodged that bullet!

Still dealing with Missy's lack of comprehension where the English language is concerned. Mel needed to work a lot of OT this weekend, but Missy had a headache. She went to Ray's yesterday at 4 p.m. and Mel told her she really needed to get back to work last night and today to get the OT in. Of course Ray's truck has bad tires (oh yea...) and she couldn't make it home until noon today. I might have more sympathy for Missy if she didn't get headaches whenever someone expected her to do something, or if she got the shot, then came home instead of spending the night with her man du jour. All I'm concerned with is dad, but if you try to say anything to her, she takes it as a personal attack.

Looks like they're going to have to lock up the medicine at home. (I hope they can find a lockbox big enough to hold Missy's stash.) Friday Missy was going to give dad his noon meds when she discovered that all of Friday's pills were gone. She called Mel to see if she should give him more. (I'm not even going there...) I called Dr. Green to check on the status of all the paperwork she has, and the nurse called me back because she was concerned about possible interactions with the medications if they were taken all at once. He didn't have to go in, but we had a good discussion about safety measures for dad at home. Mel said he's been up late at night and she heard him on the phone with Pam one night about 2:30. I'm wondering about Sundowners. He came downstairs one night at 10 p.m. to take his 3 p.m. medications because he thought it was afternoon... We're afraid that he might fall down the stairs while he's wandering. He won't use the walker that we borrowed from Bob and Carole. I told Mel we're just going to have to follow him around with the walker. Every time he goes into the living room, put the walker right next to him. If he goes into the dining room, but the walker next to him. Constantly remind him that he has to use it. He has a lot of pain in his knees, especially since his last round of falls. I'm worried about the multi-level house too. Lots of things to worry about. We need to try to get Missy to understand that he simply CANNOT be left alone. Mel has told her this time and time again, yet she'll leave him at home while she runs errands. It'll only take seconds to fall, and we all know Missy's "errands" can last for hours.

One good thing is the VA had sent dad a list of Adult Daycares that he would be able to use. (I hate that term - adult daycare...) Anyway, one on the list was Sarah Care on 132nd and Maple. Mel did a tour last week and it sounded great. Dad is qualified for the VA to pay for 2 days per week until March 2011 - that's good news! Now, when Missy doesn't show up after a night out, Mel can just take dad there and he'll be taken care of. That's a BIG relief - too bad he doesn't qualify for more days - but we'll be happy with what we get.

Hailey goes back to the doctor this week on Thursday to see if her leg had been fractured. She's been getting around on it this week with no problems, so I don't know what to think. Well, I know what to think, but I'm not saying! We'll see what the doctor thinks!

I'm cured! Heh

I had my surgery yesterday. It went well although the cyst or whatever it was, was quite a bit larger than Dr. E expected. He told Steve it was quite a bit larger than an extra large egg, so a lot of it was up into the foot itself, which really explains the numbness and the foot cramps I've been having as of late. I can't work the rest of the week, I'm supposed to be keeping my foot elevated for 3 days, but I just had to take a second and blog. Maybe I should dig around for Meg's laptop, then I could play with the computer in bed...

Obviously there isn't really much else going on. I stayed in bed after I got home from the hospital and watched the first season of Gray's Anatomy. It's amazing how much better the show has gotten! I've always been a fan, but it's really, gotten better, the dialogue, sets, everything. Can't wait for season 4 to start. I know there's a way to save my season 3 off iTunes and be able to watch them on TV, but I can't figure it out. I'll have to do some playing with it this weekend.

We have some great people in church. Our RS president brought over pot roast, potatoes, and carrots with a wonderful fruit salad, and our home teachers brought over 2 chocolate cakes and some yummilicious home made pecan rolls. I have to get that recipe. I'm looking forward to having the foot heal so I can start walking again. Maybe now that the foot is fixed I won't walk so funny and my back won't hurt so much. Wouldn't that be a great added benefit?

It's going to be beautiful today, only in the 70s. I'm thinking of turning off the A/C, and letting some fresh air in the house. I think the house just starts to get too musty with 6 dogs, and 3 humans. Oh, and 2 recently acquired gerbils whose names I can't remember for the life of me. Toby was as infatuated with them as he was with the corn last week. Meg has them down in her bedroom in a cage and Toby knows it. He sat at the gate at the top of the stairs and whined all night. Meg was out and Steve was downstairs on his radio with his headset on, so guess who was the only one who could hear him. Yeah. Thanks guys.

Okay, time for another pain pill and get the foot up, it's throbbing like mad! TTFN.