Saturday, June 28, 2014

Sleepless in Omaha

It was another sleepless night last night. I hate not being able to sleep. It's not like back in my reckless youth when I'd work all day, go out with friends, and then decide to drive to Minneapolis, get there early in the morning, run around all day and finally crash into oblivion for 4-5 hours and be ready to go.  It's awful. I take all my meds, get into bed, we watch a couple episodes of Parks and Recreation, Steve cons out, TV shuts off... I close my eyes and try to empty my head..... Nothing. I check my watch, a little after midnight. Close my eyes... Bitsy, our mini dachshund, inches her way up from my feet, slowly, slowly, until she's ready to jump up on Steve's pillow. I catch her, put her back on her blanket and lie down, close my eyes... immediately a line from some song starts repeating itself over and over and over in my head... Who sings that? I get up, Google the lyrics to find out the band. Great. Now I can sleep. Check the time, 1:22 a.m. crap. Close my eyes... Start thinking about how awesome it was that my dad saw angels in his hospital room before he died. Uh oh... I miss my dad!  My eyes start leaking and tears are running in my ears. If only Ben were here... Now the tears are really coming and my nose is starting to run. I'll never have another dog that I'll love the way I loved him. S tasting to sob, so I get out of bed, so as not to disturb Steve and sneak into the bathroom, trying not to wake Heidi and Buttercup, because they'll think it's morning...  I finally quit crying, blow my nose, wipe my eyes, and go back to bed. I close my eyes...  The jukebox in my head starts all over, I'm so dizzy, my head is spinnin', like a whirlpool, it never ends.  I'm so dizzy... NO! I sit up to check the time. Almost 3 a.m. what was in that Ambiem bottle? Sugar pills?  CRAP!  I heard Buttercup snorting and walking around.... who do you build me up, build me up, Buttercup Baby, just to let me down..... shut off the music in my HEAD!,,,,  I just want SLEEP!!! Now it's almost 4 a.m. only 2 hours until steve will wake me up when he gets up. It got quiet, the voices in my head start talking again. No, I'm not schizophrenic, either... obviously, no sleep  tonigh

Sometimes a little sleep can go a long way. Unfortunately not just tonight. At least I'm yawning tonight!,,

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