Thursday, December 30, 2010

Bye bye 2010

Wow, it's the end of the year already! Whew... Good riddance! I can only hope 2011 is a lot better than 2010 was.

Dad was in the hospital again the other night. Just for the night, until he could be evaluated by a psychiatrist the next day, but it's his third admission this year (if we count is first admission to Lakeside and his admission to VA as the same one, since he transferred from one place to the other), because of that "woman" he's married to. I'm so, so tired of her and her crap that she feeds to dad. He can't get over her if she won't leave him alone. I'm not saying dad isn't at fault, he calls her too, but for the love of Pete, you left the guy! Don't answer the phone when he calls! Idiot. I thought things were going pretty well until dad sold his truck and she found out she had some money. Suddenly, she's picking him up and taking him out to dinner. Oh yeah, the money train is back on the track! She's pathetic.

I really have to laugh (or I'd cry) when I think about how we used to laugh when she and dad got married because we said she obviously wasn't a gold digger because he didn't have anything. Ha ha ha... He had credit, and she took full advantage of it. I really don't think it entered her head that when you marry someone who's 29 years older than you, there might come a day when you have to take care of them. At least not HER head. She has no smarts, but she's very conniving. That's okay. She's going to mess up one of these days real soon and this whole house of cards is going to come crashing down on her head. You just can't treat someone the way she's treated dad and then just walk away. Karma is a b****, and she's going to find that out.

I've been struggling with this whole situation since she left in March. Even when Matt and Hailey's mom lived with him and I went over every day to babysit, I could see dad starting to go downhill a little bit at a time. I had no idea how rapid his decline would be or what a turmoil she was going to cause. The whole overdose and everything that happened since was precipitated by stuff she said to him. The psychiatrists and his personal physician have told him that she's a detriment to his well being, but his judgement is just so impaired that it does not good. I told Cindy the other day that dealing with dad is like having a 16 year old with an elderly man's body and the judgement and sense of a 3 year old. If you tell him something, he forgets it. If we try to explain why he shouldn't see Pam, he can't see it. It's very frustrating. It's like, Dad, she walked out on you, knowing that you couldn't afford the house payment alone, let alone a second mortgage and all the bills that she helped run up; yet when she wiggles her finger, you come running like a puppy dog. It's almost embarrassing to watch. I get so mad at dad, but it's not his fault.

I worry for Mel and Jeremy too. I so want them to be happy. Jeremy has been an absolute SAINT to deal with my dad for as long as he has. I don't know if I could have done it for this long. I wish they could just get out of that mess and we had a nice place for dad where his needs could be met and he couldn't be touched by that leech that he married.

It's not doing me any good to be so angry with her either - and I know that. I just can't find it in my heart to think a good thought about her. Not one. She hasn't got one redeeming quality that I've seen in 23 years. None. She's a user, a liar, a manipulator, an adultress... You name it, she's done it. And then she walks around crying and telling dad how much she loves him. Yeah, how much she loves the money he has. When he's literally down to his last nickel, she'll kick him in the face and walk away. She's done it before and she'll do it again.

All the crazy stuff with dad used up a lot of this year. I am really grateful that we still have him with us, and that his whole overdose didn't work (in spite of his wife knowing about it and not calling for help). It's hard to say with all the junk we've dealt with, but I'm glad he's still alive. I hope this year he can realize what blessings he has, his family, his home, his relative good health. He's not the picture of health, but he's a lot better off than some people his age.

I know I have to learn to appreciate my blessings more, and not deal so much with all the negativity. I'm still up and about. Still haven't heard anything about disability, I'm just hoping I'll hear something positive this year. I really would like to be able to work again, but with the pain and the chronic pain medication that I need I don't see how that's going to happen. I hate not having any disposable income, but we're making it! I have the biggest blessing of all - and that's getting to spend time with Hailey. That whole situation didn't turn out well, but Matt has a very darling girl that he's dating now, who Hailey just adores and she loves Hailey. Can't ask for more than that!

Meg graduated this year - yay! She's settled in, has a house that she rents, a boyfriend, and a great roommate who we really like (Brit!), so that's a plus for this year! She really likes her job - and has turned very crafty in her (old) age! Just kidding, Meg!

Steve's cancer screens all came back negative this year - woo hoo! I didn't have to have any surgery for um, the whole year! Yes!!! I do have that stupid lump under my arm, but it's in the same place the last one was and my doctor isn't too concerned about it. Maybe next year I'll have it removed again. As for now, it doesn't bother me, so I won't bother it!

We did lose Joey this year, which broke my heart. He was my shadow and I miss him terribly, but we've managed to keep all the others healthy in spite of themselves. (Yes, Ruger, I'm talking to you!) I love my fur kids - they mean the world to me. Nothing better than snuggling with a bunch of dachshunds when you don't feel good. Nature's heating pads, you know! Ben is getting very distinguished looking, graying at the temples... ha ha ha... He's 14 now, so I'm blessed every day I have him. Ruger hasn't eaten enough chocolate to be fatal (Thank God), and his Cushings seems to be under good control - we just have to keep it that way. Heidi, Buttercup, Toby, and Cookie are all doing well. Of course Cookie it 2 years older than God, so we're glad to have her to celebrate the New Year. I feel good that we saved her!

Our beloved friend, Judy, from Seven Bells Sanctuary died in August. I miss her so much! I'm sure she's at the bridge taking care of Charlie... She ones one of the truly selfless souls that I've met in my lifetime. I know she came into my life for a reason and I hope I can live my life the way she did and take care of animals the same way. I'll never forget her.

Well, now that I've vented and made myself cry so hard I can hardly see, I'm going to head off to bed.

Goodnight Moon.

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