Typingfool with Fibro

Sunday

2012-01-15T23:03:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow is MLK day, which in our house, is Meghan Leigh Kurtz day... I'm kidnapping her tomorrow since she has no school. Mel and I have some experience (2 each) so maybe we do know a little bit about wedding preparation! I'd like to get her down to Cornhusker Beverage and look at their invitations. She found some that she kind of liked. I'd like to get a couple ideas of things she likes so we can get some kind of idea about how much they're going to cost. Mel and I are paying for them and we need to work on Shower invites and stuff. I think we can get those done, doesn't matter what time the wedding is or where it is, in order for us to get the shower stuff ready! And I want to see if we can get her to take a look at the Omaha Police Union for the wedding and the shower. It may already be booked, but I think it would be great to have an option to a daytime outside wedding. We'll need to see. We saw Dale and Mel again when we took her CD case and floorlamp over to her house. I think Dale is a very good guy for her. More down to earth and someone who has boundaries for his son, Sam. That might do Mel a lot and give her something to think about. And, he's a christian, which I think is a FINE idea. Wish us luck tomorrow. Also, Please pray for Melissa. She's very very sick, Tony is worried and Lucy showed her concern by eating the seat to Melissa's scooter... Just what you need in a crisis, right? Love you all friends!

Christmas Photos

2012-01-14T21:49:00.000-06:00

I really should keep up with my pictures more often.

A Witty Wedding in the Works

2012-01-14T21:38:00.001-06:00

Good Year? You Bet!

2012-01-14T21:26:00.000-06:00

The year didn't end exactly as I had hoped, but I have great hopes for this year. I wrote quite a few posts that I just kept as drafts, it wouldn't help anything to put them on the blog, but it sure helped me to write them! I've decided this year things will be great. AJ came over for Christmas and we had a little talk - he's so smart, I love him. I'm not going to get sucked into the cesspool this year. I'm going to live my life, MY way and I'm not going to worry about what anyone else thinks. I only wonder what kind of drama Missy will invent when dad passes away and there's no stage for her to perform on anymore. It's kind of freeing to know I don't have to worry about it, it doesn't matter. The people I love in this family are the only people I'm going to focus on this year, the rest don't matter. If you're not going to enrich my life, then there's no room for you. The End

Last night Steve and I were just soaking up the warmth in the basement and I had come upstairs for something when I heard the doorbell ring - I was kind of bewildered to see some guy I didn't know standing outside the window - I thought it might be the missionaries, but it turned out to be Mel and her date! What a great surprise! They had just had dinner at Grisante's and they decided to come over. Meghan was here working on her wedding stuff, so we all had a nice visit. Then Sarah came over and we all had a good time. Dale and Steve both enjoyed some of Steve's homebrew and we girls just enjoyed the company. The evening came to an end all too soon - I hope we can do that again sometime!

I went shopping at Kohl's and then to lunch and Village Inn with mom yesterday. The top she got me for Christmas had sheer sleeves, so I couldn't wear it, but I found another top that I loved even more. Lunch was good too - then I came home and took a nap with Ben, my favorite napping buddy.

Steve has discovered Aldi's has milk for $2.49, so that's his new favorite place to shop. The milk is good, but their store brand of Slim Jim's are not. Tomorrow we'll check out the store brand of pizza rolls - don't disappoint me, Aldi!

Today I slept late since I got to bed late, and when Steve got home from breakfast and the Ft. Calhoun gun show he scrubbed the living room floor. I love it when he does things like that! I want to get my hobby room cleaned out, but it's so cold in there... It was nice today and it will be nice tomorrow, but then back down into the 30s for highs during the day. I can't complain, we've had a very mild winter, very VERY mild. Like it was 60 degrees on January 6, how often does that happen? Not often enough! I hate to admit it, but I do miss the snow. A blizzard would be good, but I don't need the -20 windchills, just a lot of snow and some blowing, enough to want to spend a day or so down by the fire, and then it can be warm again. I need to get some paper so I can work on my scrapbooks again. I need to start one for 2012. I didn't make one for last year... Does that make me bad? Hey, at least I'm finally past Hailey's ultrasound pictures in her album!!!

Why I have a Dog (several, actually)

2012-01-06T11:00:00.000-06:00




Click to Enlarge
Via: TheDogTrainingSecret.com

Auld lang syne?

2011-12-18T00:29:00.001-06:00

Wow - I can't believe a week from today is Christmas - and 2 weeks from today it will be 2012! The older I get the faster the time goes. It's been a pretty remarkable year all in all. Steve wrote out some Christmas cards the other day to his friends and family and he said there were no births, no deaths, no weddings so it was an uneventful year. I think it was anything BUT uneventful!

I really didn't think at the beginning of this year that dad would be in a nursing home at the end of the year. I knew it was coming and I knew it was needed, but didn't think it would be this year. I didn't realize at the beginning of the year that Hailey wouldn't be here for me to babysit at the end of the year. She was such a HUGE part of my life and I still miss her every day. She really was my reason to get up in the morning and I really felt better when she was here, but I'm so happy thta Matt and Magann are living together and Hailey is doing so well. Magann is such a good mom to Hailey - I couldn't ask for anyone better to be with her, but I would like to see her more often and maybe have her stay overnight once in awhile. That I do miss terribly.

I didn't think at the end of the year Meghan would be engaged!!! That's such happy news and I'm so happy for both of them. I think Jason is the Yin to Meg's Yan, they complete each other - in the immortal words of Jerry Maguire... Such a cute couple too. I'm really looking forward to helping Meg plan the wedding - and being a mother-in-law. I hope I'm a good one!

I WAS hoping dad would be divorced by now, although if all goes well, Pam Erikson will be a bad memory by the end of the year. The court date is set for Dec 28 - Keeping my fingers crossed that all will be well and it will FINALLY be over with. That would be the best thing that's happened all year as far as I'm concerned - well, maybe second best, after Meg's engagement...

Now for the current stuff... Mel is still staying with us until she feels a little better. She's getting around pretty good, but still gets pretty tired and obviously can't change her own bandages... Her incision goes from behind one hip bone around the front to behind the other hipbone... Owie! The dogs are happy as pigs in poo to have her here... Oh, ha ha.... She had to have a porcine skin graft in her abdomen, so the pig reference is kind of funny n'est pas? S

Happy, happy day!

2011-12-15T22:25:00.002-06:00

Meghan and Jason got engaged tonight!!! How cool is that? I'm so thrilled, I can't hardly stand it!!! I love you both so much!

Thanksgiving and beyond

2011-11-29T23:00:00.001-06:00

We had a great Thanksgiving! It was at our house this year and we worked like little devils and got the place cleaned up - thanks to mom! Cooked the turkey, made the relish tray, fixed my strawberry pretzel salad, and the day went great. Of course the whipped cream on the pie, so to speak, was having Hailey over for dinner! She's so sweet, and growing like a weed. She loves to talk and can tell stories now, not just parrot phrases back to you - so that's fun. We had a good crowd and we ate about 4, so everyone was gone by 8 or so. It was time to relax and enjoy the quiet after the hubbub... Good day!

Saturday after Thanksgiving Matt came over to do some laundry and brought Hails with him. We took her out to do some grocery shopping and pick out a tree - what fun! So glad we got to take her with us! We were listening to Christmas music on the radio and they identified their station, something like, 104.5 the Star, your Christmas station - Hailey pipes up from the back seat of the truck "Your Christmas station". We had to laugh, it was just so fully the way she said it. She loves making people laugh too, the big ham.

Meg and Jason came over for dinner Saturday night, I made my potato and ham chowder. Steve and Jason got the tree set up - and then we discovered the tree stand was leaking - a hole had rusted through. I think if it didn't sit on the back porch from January to July it wouldn't have rusted out, but what do I know? Anyway, had it up and ready for the lights, but then Steve made a quick trip to Home Depot and got a new stand. In the meantime, Meg and Jason (mostly Meg - come on, how many guys decorate for Christmas?) got a lot of our decorations put out. Definitely looking like Christmas! Another good day!

I did something to my back before Thanksgiving and it's really bothering me. Now it's moved up and is in my neck, so I can't turn my head or tilt it back without a lot of pain. Sucks, but if that's all I have to complain about, I'm happy! It's only 19 degrees out tonight. I hate the cold - despise it as a matter of fact, but we have many more moons of cold weather coming, I'm afraid.

That's it for now - I have to upload my iPod to get some new pics and the video of Hailey talking about what lives in birdhouses... I love her so much and miss her every day! Can't wait until summer when Matt has her for months instead of a week!

Back Home Again

2011-11-15T16:37:00.001-06:00

Steve got home safe and sound yesterday afternoon. Of course now that he's home my body thinks it has permission to fall apart! Ugh. Spend most of the afternoon on the couch with achy hips and knees, and my left shoulder is catching. Grand!

I made the best soup last night (thanks to Campbells). I found this recipe online and it was great.

Hearty Potato and Ham Chowder
2 cans condensed cream of potato soup
1 can condensed cream of celery soup
1 cup chicken broth
2 cups leftover ham
1/2 c chopped onion
10-12 oz frozen corn
1 cup cream, half-half, or milk

Toss everything but the the cream in the crockpot. Mix well and cook on low for 6-8 hours. Add the cream and heat for any additional 20-30 minutes or until hot. Serves 4-6.

It was so good. I made a couple mistakes though. First, I didn't have any "leftover" ham, so I bought a small one, which turned out to be a turkey ham. An abomination, but it worked. Second, I added 2 cups of cream (well, half and half), so it was a little thinner than I would like, but it was still ecellent. I added some parsley to have with the leftover soup, I just like parsley in potato soup, so that's how we'reI wasn't too sure I was going to like it, especially with turkey ham, but it was definitely a keeper!

Life is now back to normal. Thank God~~~

Road trip to see Dad

2011-11-13T22:53:00.001-06:00

Mel, Meg, and I went to GI to see dad today. His birthday is Tuesday, but we went today since Mel and Meg couldn't get off work to go. We had a good day, probably should have had an earlier start, but we had a good time. Took dad to Applebee's for a late lunch and he got serenaded by the wait staff and got a warm brownie sundae. He was pleased. We had a really good time, actually. Nice sister, aunt, niece, daughter bonding time. We got dad a pair of Husker pajama pants and a Husker ball cap and he was thrilled. He had to show everyone his hat. I got a picture of him and Leland, I just like Leland a lot and I feel sorry for him being all by himself. His wife has passed away and they didn't have children. He's very much alone and he was so thrilled when dad gave him that Fossil watch for his birthday. After lunch we took dad to WalMart and he got his cargo pants and a few other things he needed, so he was happy about that. I hate the fact that he's so far away too, it seems like we drive so far and so long to see him and only get to spend a couple hours with him and then it's back home again. I'm glad he likes it there though, and everyone is so good to him!

I came home and downloaded the pictures Meg and I took today - and then I had a good cry. Who knows what the situation will be next year at this time? The fact is, dad has dementia and who knows where that will take us in the next year. That, and the fact that he is 79 years old this year... How many more years will we get to celebrate birthdays with him? Thank God he has some Albrecht genes that make him strong as a horse so physically I think he'll be around for awhile, it's really the mental part that I worry most about. It's so hard to watch a loved one disappear into a place you can't go. Truly, the body is just a shell with the person locked inside after while - I don't want to watch this with dad, I just don't know if I can bear it. I feel like sometimes I'm the one bearing the brunt of that burden. I know Mel is working and sleeping and doesn't have the same amount of time I do, but I hurt for dad when he calls and asks where Mel is because she won't answer the phone when she sees his number. And Missy... Psssssh. As if she'd ever care about anyone but herself. She promised dad when he moved that she be out "for sure" once a week, and probably twice. So far she's made one trip out there - to pick him up for AJ's wedding, and Mel and I took him back. Sometimes she answers the phone, but most of the time she doesn't, so obviously she's about as much help as a blow torch in hell. As usual She's now at Ray's almost all the time, of course leaving Medusa for Mel to take care of. Just like dumping her kids when something else strikes her fancy. Not sure yet what we're going to do with Buster, I think we're going to end up having to put him down... I'm not going to worry about it. I'm not going to worry about the utilities being paid or anything else. However, I am going to have to decide what to do with the life insurance that Missy is allegedly paying for. Dad has $200 left over after we pay his maintenance fee at Grand Island. Out of that I have to take $70 a month for his cable bill, and the rest is his to spend. If Missy thinks he's going to pay for the insurance she's telling everyone she's paying for, she can think again. That would give him a grand total of $30 for spending money for the month. If he gets a haircut at the barber shop at the home, that's $10, and if he buys a carton of cigarettes, that's $32, and we're already in the hole. I know he needs the burial insurance, but he can't afford it, it's that simple. And let's not even consider the $600 she owes Mel for her cell phone bill because she went 400 minutes over the plan last month. So now Mel will probably lose her phone too. What a mess... And that's how it was today, Sunday November 13, 2011.

I hate deer season. Hate, hate, hate it.

2011-11-12T20:59:00.001-06:00

It's times like this when I know that Steve doesn't know or understand how I feel, physically or emotionally. I cannot handle being home alone with six dogs. I love my dogs to death, they are an extension of me and they're the only ones who are there for me when I really feel like crap. However, when I feel like crap, I cannot take care of all 6 of them. And not only does Steve HAVE to go deer hunting, he has to go for five days - he's gone for 2 days before the season even opens! What the hell? Friday morning I got up, went to the bathroom and came back to bed to find that Cookie had peed in the bed. And in all her littleness, she didn't miss a thing but the pillows! So I had to strip the bed, carry everything downstairs, wash, dry, and remake the bed. It's time like that, that I really miss my little trailer. Everything was on one floor. Here I can stay on the main floor, but the washer and dryer are still downstairs and I can't carry a full laundry basket upstairs anymore. It's easy to shove stuff DOWN, but it's another matter altogether to get it back UP.

I had a good day today, I really did. Went to Goodwill and found a pair of jeans and then I went to Wal-Mart and got dad some Husker pajama pants and a Husker ball cap (he never wears a ball cap, but he told me today he wanted one...) for his birthday, and a card. Matt was going to bring Hails over today, but but she had a bad case of vomiting at Bagel Bin, so they decided to stay home. I asked Matt if I could stop by there, so I got her a couple sticker books and a color books, and I stopped by there. She was so happy to see me and I was thrilled to see her too! We visited for a little bit - we played with her sticker book and she colored a bit, and then we read some books. She has a harmonica and she was so cute playing with that! She blow a note and then she'd laugh and giggle, play another note, laugh and giggle, I wish I would have had my iPod with me, or my camera that does videos, she was so damn cute! Magann said Hailey was going to be over during the week, so they'd try to stop over. I hope so. It's been a month since I saw her and I can't believe how much she's changed! You could understand her before, but she still talked a lot of baby talk that you kind of had to figure out what was going on... Now she talks and talks and talks, and only rarely is hard to understand. She wanted to call Stephen on the phone, but he wasn't home. She loves to talk to him. We talked about everybody in Stephen's family and how much she loves baby Kaylee... She's growing up SO fast... She told me about her hayrack ride at the pumpkin patch, and the bee on her apple at the orchard. It's hard to believe she's only 2!

Anyway, by the time I got hom I was hurting pretty bad. Like, I actually called Meg to see if she could come feed the dogs bad. She was busy tonight, Jason had a show at Northwest, I think she said, so that was out. Mom was going out to dinner with Sue and Smitty, so that was out. I may or may not have dropped a few F bombs, and took a pain pill and crawled into bed. The dogs just had to wait. They weren't happy, but I just couldn't do it. Tomorrow Mel, Meg, and I are going to Grand Island for dad's birthday, and then, FINALLY, on Monday Steve will be home. I swear to God, this is the LAST freaking year I'm going to stay here by myself. We'll see how I am by Monday. Steve did call tonight - we had a lousy connection (how ironic is that?). Brett got a big buck today, only 3 points, but Steve said it must weight about 250 pounds, bigger than anyone (from their group) has ever gotten. Cool. Wish Steve had gotten a couple so he could just come home. As if...

I went to see Dr. S on Friday. We had a little chat about whether or not this stuff that I've noticed lately is due to MCTD or fibro... He noticed that he hadn't had an ANA or any other rheumatological blood tests done since Dr. Klein had done them last, so we got those. I like Dr. S, I really do, but I felt again like I used to feel when I first got sick. Nothing we can do about the possible esophageal problems because they aren't constant. He can order the tests, but if I'm not having the problem every day, so the tests really wouldn't show anything. sigh... We'll see what the blood work shows. The last ANA was negative, but that was the first negative one in quite some time, so we'll see how things stand now. I'm going to stay on the Savella until the end of December, if I haven't noticed some relief by then, he'll taper me off that. I kind of think to myself that if I'm not getting relief from a fibro drug, doesn't that make sense that maybe it's not fibro pain? He did change my hydrocodone to the 10/325, so I can take 2 at a time if I need to without going over my Tylenol limit for the day. That's some good news I guess. Save a little bit of my liver anyway. Ha ha ha... Small joke. That's about it, I guess, until I get those results. Happy Veteran's Day to all my friends and family who are vets - even if they don't read my rambling... I'm so proud of you and all you did to keep us free.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y!

2011-10-30T00:14:00.001-05:00

Gun show in Grand Island today, so Steve and I met Tom and Dave at Chances 'R for breakfast and then Steve dropped me off to visit with dad while he went to the gun show. We had a good visit. I had lunch with him and we watched the Nebraska game for awhile until Steve came back. He kind of got scolded from the nurses for letting his friend from 2nd floor, Harold, have cigarettes. Harold isn't supposed to be smoking and if dad gets caught giving him smokes, dad will lose his right to smoke. Apparently, he's been told that several times, but he forgets. His memory has really gotten a lot worse in the last month. Last weekend he asked Mel twice who Sarah was. Today I took the photo album I made for him and there was a picture of Amber, AJ, and Tony all together and dad asked me if they were "two brothers and a sister". I told him yes, they were Missy's kids and he seemed kind of surprised. I'm a little worried about how quickly he seems to be forgetting things. He has a followup visit with the doctor at the clinic on Monday, his 30-day checkup, so I'm going to call and leave a message with her.

Dad also has a wild idea about flying home from Grand Island for Thanksgiving. He doesn't like the long car ride. She wanted me to get online last night and check and I totally forgot, so I was going to do it while I was with him this afternoon, but there was someone on the computer for his unit, so I had to do it when I got home tonight. I used Priceline.com to look for the cheapest fare for Thanksgiving weekend. Ha ha ha... It costs $956!!! The I noticed there was one stop. I was trying to figure out where a plane was going to have a stop between GI and Omaha. Surely they can't even gain enough altitude between take offs and landings... Then I saw the stop over was in DALLAS, TEXAS!!! Can you imagine, Grand Island to Dallas to Omaha. How stupid is that? Plus the flight departs from GI at 2:55 p.m. and lands in Omaha at 8:15 p.m. And dad thought the drive to Omaha was long! And I'm sure I'd trust him alone in the Dallas airport. Not.

I talked to Mel tonight so I could finally get dad's checking account figured out after the money Mel and I spent for him last weekend. Missy is on a tear again about how I owe him $40 for that damn Nebraska flag... She can take it and stick it where the sun doesn't shine. I was especially ticked off when dad had about $100 less than I thought - because his burial insurance premium had been taken out of his checking account and - get this, Missy hasn't put any money in the account. She goes around telling everyone she pays for dad's burial insurance because she supposedly puts the money in his account every month, but she must have forgotten last month. Probably too worried about the $40 that I supposedly owe him for a flag I don't want. I wonder if she's ever put any money in his account... Mel was saying Missy probably wouldn't have the money this month either, since the cell phone bill is over $600 because they went over their minutes last month. Of course, Mel had told her they were running low on minutes and only use the phone when it was necessary over a week ago, which meant nothing to Missy, Pretty sure she's been on the phone nearly every waking minute since then. I don't know what it is that makes her absolutely incapable of understanding ANYTHING that anybody tells her.

For two freaking years we have tried and tried, and tried some more to get her to act like a responsible adult. Mel and Jeremy asked her time and time again to please be home every other weekend so Mel could have a weekend off. She agrees, but never followed through. Even after they asked her, Mel and I talked to her one evening and I told her she really needed to stay home every other weekend so Mel and Jeremy could take some time to go fishing or something. Oh absolutely, she totally agreed that was fair, and she still never stayed home - took off on Friday and if they were lucky she came back Sunday night. She was sitting right next to dad when he drank the anti-freeze, I told her when he came home that she had to get up and WATCH him during the day. I explained that he was like a little kid, you couldn't leave him unattended. Oh yeah, she understood, no problem. I don't think she ever woke up before 12:30 or 1 in the afternoon. Dad called Jimmy John's to have them deliver a sandwich for his lunch because she was always sleeping. Never mind that he needed a shot of insulin before lunch. He just went without. God forbid she miss some sleep! She also would take him down to Boyd and Charlie's and drop him off so he could eat. Once, he tried walking home because nobody saw him leave - they were supposed to call Missy when he was done, so she could come get him. What the hell? I think she has some kind of brain damage from all the crap she takes or something. Either that or she's mentally challenged. What kind of idiot drops off and elderly person with memory problems and then depends on the staff at the restaurant to watch that person?

Every single time she talks to dad, she brings up the fact that I haven't paid for the flag. She doesn't know where the money is going... She thinks I'm taking money... To hell with her. I've finally realized the reason she's so worried that I'm taking money from dad is because she stole money from grandma. She thinks e'veryone is like her, no morals, no problem. Surely if she's a thief, then everyone is a thief. I can't wait until Mel can move out and we can give the mortgage company the keys and I can be done with that stupid jackass. I have been fastidiously keeping receipts and keeping every detail about the checking account and then I have to deal with her crap. She called last week and wanted me to call her, I'm not going to call her. I'm not going to talk to her ever, if I can help it.

Last weekend when dad was home for AJ's wedding, she was just rude and snotty to him every chance she got and she was pissed off because she had to get him ready for the wedding. Welcome to responsibility, idiot. Then she asked Wendy to sit at the family table and leaves dad to sit with us when obviously he should have been sitting there with them and not that stupid bitch. Dad was really hurt and that's why he wanted to leave before the toasts were made or the cake was cut. Did she think about that? Hell no, not Miss Inconsiderate. As long as she had her friends sitting with her is all she cared about. I'm just sick of her beyond words, and I'm sick of her manipulating dad every time she doesn't get her way. Idiot. I'm so tired of her selfish, sorry ass. There, now I feel better! Ha ha ha... You know what I hate worse? That she gets to me like this. I wish I could just blow her off, but it's maddening for some idiot to accuse you of things that you aren't doing - oh, and then to say to my face last week, "I would never accuse you of taking money from dad". Oh my God, I just want to vomit.

Other than that cross to bear, things have been going well. I think I'm going to make an appointment to see Dr. Wildy again. I do think I need I rheumatologist and I don't know where else to go. I'd like to get back into aquatic therapy, that would be great. I'd love to be able to go back to Immanuel's fitness center, but I think unless I get a part-time job, that's out of the question. I'll have to just settle for therapy, so the insurance will pay for it. I wonder if aquatic therapy even helps with MCTD, if that's what this is... Frustration isn't good for the fibro part of this, if tonight is any indication.

Steve shampooed the office and the hallway tonight. I'd love to be able to put new carpet in those rooms. I'm already thinking that Hailey's room is going to have to be used for dad - when he comes home for the weekends. I don't think he's realized that he won't be able to stay at his house when nobody is living there. Plus, when he's home, Mel has to be working and God knows Missy is worthless in that regard, so he'll be here and everything is on all one level. Which reminds me, Mel fell down the stairs at the house today - complete with a cup of hot coffee. She pulled her shoulder pretty good, so hopefully she didn't tear her rotator cuff or anything. Already wondering what we're going to do about her recovering from surgery in December. Oy....

Hope the rest of the weekend is good for everyone else!!!

Oh holy buckets

2011-10-28T21:28:00.000-05:00

I'm almost done with my second week of Savella - nothing happened. Nothing. I didn't get any relief from the pain, nothing at all. I got a little bit of an upset stomach, and some more sweating than usual, but nothing good. I found another site, something where I could get on different forums, one for fibromyalgia, and one for MCTD, and now I'm wondering if some of this stuff is MCTD instead of fibro.

Tonight I read a little about MCTD (mixed connective tissue disease). It seems there's a lot more about it on the internet than there was when I was diagnosed up at Mayo years ago. I think I'm going to have to find a rheumatologist now. I really like Dr. Seitz, but I think he might not be up to handling the whole thing. I also need to talk to him about the swallowing problems I've been having since that's one of the symptoms that can cause problems with MCTD.

I've been having a sore throat off and on for a couple months too - bah. I have realized now why Dr. Schima told me that the facial numbness was "classic" for MCTD, that's mentioned in quite a few of the articles I've read. I wonder why Dr. Klein didn't think that was a possibility. Have to check on my blood work. I wonder if Dr. Seitz has been doing rheumatologic complements, I don't think so.

Going to Grand Island to see dad tomorrow. Steve is going to a gun show at Fonner Park. We're meeting Tom and Dave at Chances R for breakfast and then on to the gun show. Dad is still obsessing about moving to the Bellevue VA Home. He knows there are about 70 people on the list and it could take a long time, but he's asked me about 10 times if I've been there, and now I found out he called Bob and asked him to go out there and check it out for him. Oy! I best be going out there soon and take a look around. Dad says it's because we're all here (his kids), which would be nice, but for some reason I think that idiot Pam has something to do with it. He called tonight and wants me to see what it costs to fly from Grand Island to Omaha. For the love... It takes longer to drive from the airport to his house than it does to fly here from GI!!! We'll see what that's about tomorrow. I printed quite a few pictures of AJ and Emily's wedding for him and put them in the photo album for him. I need to get some energy, there are so many things i want to get done and when I wake up in the morning, I just don't have it. When I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back to sleep, I want to do something, everything... but when I wake up, it's gone. I lay in bed until 10 o'clock (if the dogs will let me), and then by 7, I'm back in bed. Usually doing something on the computer, or watching Netflix on the Sony viewer. No freaking energy.

Anyway, I think I'm done with the Savella and wondering if I shouldn't be trying the Plaquenil again...

Whew! What a WEEK!!!

2011-10-23T23:54:00.000-05:00

It wasn't even a whole week, but it seriously kicked my BUTT! Thursday started the ball rolling. I got up, had my hair cut and highlighted, and then went to lunch with Gale and Pete. Ruger had an appointment with the vet at 2:40, so I got him there on time - actually a bit early, and then went home to crash. Friday I got up early to take dad shopping at JC Penney's for his outfit for AJ's wedding. We had gotten the suit coat and pants in Grand Island, but he was convinced the pants weren't going to fit him since he hadn't tried them on. I went over there Friday morning and had him try them on. Yay! They fit. However, his belts were all about 6" too small, so we had to go shopping for a belt anyway. Just on a lark I had him try on the white dress shirt we had gotten him and found that a 17-1/2" neck wasn't big enough! Augh!

Got the shirt and all it's attachments into a bag, got dad into the car and set off for Oak View Mall. We found a belt and he wanted an extra, so we got two... Then we tried to find a shirt. Couldn't find the guy with the tape measure, so with the assistance of some Penney's employees, we opened a boxed shirt so he could try it on. About halfway through the process the employee with the tape measure showed up. "I measure so you don't have to open those boxes" he informed us in a really snotty tone of voice. I told him the staff had been looking for him for over 10 minutes, but dad was getting very unsteady on his feet, so they helped us open the box and get the shirt out. Then he says in an even snottier tone of voice, "You better hope that fits him". Like what are you gonna do if it doesn't asshat? I'll tell you what, if dad hadn't been with me (which would have made the trip pointless anyway) I would have thrown the damn shirt on the floor and walked out. Instead, I left the straight pins scattered all over the rack when we left with the shirt - which DID fit!

After we finished shopping, we went to Big Fred's for lunch and then to Verizon to try and update his phone. He was mad because he can't update without Marc's permission, but then when he saw that he'd have to update to a smartphone, he decided to keep the one he has. Good call there, dad.

Saturday was busy - we hadn't even bought a wedding present for Aaron and Emily yet, and the wedding started at 4:30. Since I had slept until 11, we had to get moving. Went to Kohl's and got some things that were on their registry. I hope they're happy with them. Then we had to stop at Walgreen's for a prescription (which I found out needed a new prescription), wrapping paper, and something else, which I can't for the life of me remember...

Oh, and I had looked all over Westroads Friday night for something to wear to the wedding. When you work at home for 3 years and then don't work at all for 2 years, your wardrobe tends to shrink to only sweats and jeans. We went everywhere, CJ Banks, Penney's (deja vu), Younkers and even Von Mauer. I did find a sweater and shell I liked at VM, and it was only $238!!! Clearly, I was in over my head financially, so we left. Oh yeah, that's what else I got at Kohl's - a sweater!

After we left Kohl's, we headed to Cabela's, where I got a pair of Ugg boots! I was so excited - and they only cost me $25! Steve had $100 in Cabela points and a $25 off postcard, so they only cost me $25!!! They're the black knit kind, don't bind on the ankle at all and I love them! Looked ridiculous at the wedding with one Ugg and my darn ortho boot, but other people looked just as ridiculous in their too tight dresses and 4" heels, so I wasn't alone!

The wedding was so beautiful! Aaron and Emily have been together for a long time, compared to others in our family and they seem very happy. I hope they have a long, happy life together. Hopefully, someone has learned from my mistakes! We left about the time they cut the cake, Mel had to go to work, Missy was tanked and wanted to stay until the end anyway, so I had to go to the house and stay with dad. Not too bad, as dad just wanted to eat a bowl of cereal and then he went to bed. I got home about 10:45, but it felt like about 2 in the morning, I was just so tired.

This morning I slept until 11:30. I truly tried to get up earlier, but I was sooooo tired, it wasn't going to happen, so I slept until I couldn't sleep anymore. Then I had to get up and we had to go shopping for groceries and for Carol's birthday present. We came home, put the groceries away, grabbed a quick lunch (I had no breakfast) and wrapped her present and off we went to their house! I couldn't figure out what to get her. I wanted to get her more than just a Koh'ls gift certificate. That's what we always get Nell and, well, to be honest, I think more of Carol than I do Nell, and I want to get her something special. Only problem is, I didn't know what. We stopped at ShopKo on the way home from the grocery store, I thought maybe we could get her a movie - boring, I know - but she does enjoy movies... We found out that their sets of "Murder She Wrote" were half off, so we got her the first two seasons - SCORE! And she loved it! I also grabbed a calendar for her called "Bad Cats", which she really enjoyed, so I guess we did a good job! Matt and Magann came over, and eventually Meg showed up too, so we had another nice family day. Tonight I'm exhausted!!! Just typing this and trying to remember what I've done since Thursday was exhausting!

Tomorrow Mel and I are taking dad back to Grand Island. Missy is supposed to, but she had a headache all day today. Hangover, not migraine. But I'm betting money she'll end up going to the hospital sometime - heck, she may be there as we speak, and then she'll be out of commission tomorrow, so Mel and I are just planning on going. So, another day on the road tomorrow, but also some good quality time with my seester. Doesn't get any better than that!

Aaron and Emily's Wedding

2011-10-22T23:36:00.000-05:00

Hailey

2011-10-17T16:39:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite pictures of Hailey. This was taken at Venteicher's house after her baptism.

Ugh, life with fibro

2011-10-15T22:07:00.001-05:00

There are days I just want to smack Steve upside the head, if I had the energy to follow through maybe I would. Today he gets up and says he's stiff and sore. Probably - the paintball game last night left some visible marks!!! But he had a good time. Then he decides he wants to go cut firewood. I hate having him go out to Cedars by himself, and I told him enough times last year, that this time he asked me if I wanted to go too. I really didn't. I don't know if it's from walking with that stupid boot on or what, but my left knee has been really painful the past couple of days, it feels hot and there's a really sharp pain on the outside of the knee. It only hurts when I move it . If I sit and don't move my knee, it's fine; if I stand and don't move the knee, it's fine, but if I walk or bend it one way or another while I'm sitting, it hurts like the dickens. Plus, I keep getting cramps in my left foot, even if I just stand in one place, like to take a shower. Don't know for sure what it's all about, but I'm thinking it's because of the boot - since my right hip hurts too. My knee feels almost like my joints used to feel when I first got sick, so maybe it's just rheumatism again. Who knows? What I do know is I'm sick to freaking death of Steve telling me he understands how I feel. He obviously does NOT know how I feel when he expects me to do things the way I used to.

For instance, a week ago I was having some particularly painful days and he decides to go shopping for dad's chair. It was a sweet gesture and I know he meant well, but we had to walk all over Nebraska Furniture Mart, and then when we didn't find anything there, he wanted to go to Mrs. B's! For the record, I'm glad we did since we found dad's chair there, but really? Or Tuesday this week, when I had hardly been out of bed all day I felt so miserable and then he asks if I want to go to Harbor Freight with him. NO! I do not want to walk all around the damn store while you look for an Allen wrench. No, I do not want to sit at the kitchen table and eat, because dangling my leg on those darn bar table height chairs makes my legs hurt. Just because you have arthritis in your hands does NOT mean you understand how I feel. When I have days that I don't sleep at all the night before, do not expect me to be a bundle of energy for at least 2 days. It takes me that long to feel like I've had any sleep at all. Yes, I take Elavil and Ambien CR to sleep, but that doesn't mean I sleep well. Even if I don't wake up when the dogs bark, I'm not getting good, refreshing sleep. Don't assume that I am. And as long as I'm that subject, I MUST have at least 8 hours of sleep (or more) before I can even begin to feel like I've slept at all. And since I do take the Elavil and Ambien, I sometimes am groggy the next morning. Why do you expect me to jump out of bed, into the shower, and off to run errands with you? It's been more than 15 years that I've been dealing with this crap, yet you expect me to be the same as I always was.

You may wake up with sore hands or sore feet - I realize you have arthritis, and I don't discount that, I know it's painful, but it's not like my pain. You can still function with your pain, I can't always function with mine. I have left grocery carts full of groceries halfway through the store because fatigue so intense that I don't think I can drive home will just roll over me like a wave. There are times I ache so bad in every muscle in my body that all I an manage to do is roll into a ball with my fleece blanket acting like a cocoon and hope in an hour or two I'll feel better.

I was really angry tonight when we drove home from cutting wood and you said you hands hurt so bad you needed one of my pain pills. No you don't. You can get down to Bag 'N Save for some Aleve, you don't need my hydrocodone. I get mad when you take my medicine because you don't realize that I have to account for my narcotics and if I'm not having enough because you're helping yourself to them for your arthritis pain, my doctor is going to think I'm taking more than I need and that's not going to help me keep a doctor that will prescribe this kind of medication.

Lastly, I want to say how much I do appreciate the work do do for me when I can't. I realize I'm no fun anymore, can't stay up past 10, have to be on disability since I can't keep up with a ob, I'm crabby because I'm in pain I'm stressed because of all the crap with my dad, and now all the crap and accusations Missy is flinging about is stressful. And you know stress = pain. Here comes late October and you know chilly cold weather = pain. You know constant contact with the sun = more pain. Living a normal life means more pain. Sucks doesn't it? Welcome to my life. I'm grateful that I married such a talented cook, to take care of both of us. Now, If I could just convince you that cleaning floors (not even connected to dogs making messes) is a good idea... That's all for today. Just frustrated because I kept hearing how terrible you felt today and I'm sure you do, but I'm also sure you don't have 1/10th of the pain I have My lungs ache when I breathe, my fingers are cold and won't work, my thumbs ache, my eyes burn my knees hurt.... You went out to shop wood, I wouldn't have even gotten dressed. That's the difference in our pain.

m

The Weekend is Coming!

2011-10-13T23:27:00.002-05:00

I got both the outfits I ordered from Lolly Wolly Doodle for Hailey, and I love them. I gave them to Matt and Magann tonight and Magann seemed to love them too. Funny how Matt's opinion on fashion doesn't really bother me. Ha ha ha...

I didn't sleep again night before last. It's starting not to bother me as much, but I hate it the day after the day after. I slept great last night, but I was tired all day today. Slept until 10 and then got up and hung around the house and thought about taking a nap, but I didn't. I'm really ticked off with the home computer. Who knows what Steve was looking for now, but day before yesterday I got on the computer for the first time in a long time and Google Chrome wouldn't work. I used Firefox instead. Today I tried Google, didn't work, tried Firefox and that wouldn't work either. Ran the virus program and they still wouldn't work. I have no way to get back on the internet and nothing. Crap.

Invited Bob and mom over for dinner tonight - spaghetti. About the time we were getting ready for dinner Matt called. He and Magann were going out to dinner, but Miss Hailey wasn't too gung ho on that idea, so he wanted to know if she could come over here. Well, duh! Mom and Bob were so glad to see her too. She was pretty funny actually, she wasn't too happy about spaghetti for dinner, she wanted hot dogs and French fries - pretty sure she eats a lot of those at home with her mother, since she can't cook... But at our house we had spaghetti. She ate spaghetti and loved the garlic bread - not cut in half to make it easy to eat, either, but the whole piece. When she got tired of working on the whole thing, she just ate the Parmesan cheese off the top. LOL!

We were back playing in her room when she saw the scar on my leg... Oh Nana, big owie! She then said I should kiss it. I said I couldn't kiss my own leg and asked her if she wanted to kiss it - she gave it a funny look - "Oh no. Papa can kiss it!" That was hilarious! We cleaned up her room because she wanted to play with Lincoln Logs - she had just noticed them in her closet and wanted to play. I think I had more fun with them than she did.

Matt is getting a little frustrated with her - she's really starting to have a mind of her own! Matt is still the best dad I know - he's just going to have to get used to the Terrible Twos!

Pam's attorney quit on her yesterday. HA HA HA! Virginia quit because she wanted her to push the date of the divorce back (again) because Pam just has to have dad's pension. Virginia told her they couldn't push it back and further, that dad was in a home now and there was no reason to put it off. Pam called dad last night crying because it looks like she's going to get divorced and she just doesn't want that. Ha... She just doesn't want to lose the pension is what she's upset about. All she had to do was be a freaking WIFE and she would have the damn pension. She's the one who walked out, not dad. Freaking bitch. We'll see what happens now...

We're Not Teenagers Anymore, Toto...

2011-10-08T20:17:00.000-05:00

It's been a rather sad week. First of all, Steve Jobs, of Apple fame succumbed to esophageal cancer. Mel says I can't count him because he wasn't a personal friend, but if it weren't for Steve Jobs and his insight and vision, my life (and that of just about everybody) would be markedly different, so I'm counting Steve Jobs as one of my losses this week.

Then, on Tuesday, Steve and I went out to dad's house to get the TV (that we EXCHANGED with dad), and Missy told me that her friend, Mary Churchich Holliday had passed away early that morning. Technically, Mary was Missy's friend in high school. She and Deanna Harrison hung around with Missy - they were kind of inseparable, like the 3 Muskateers of Bryan High School, but Mary was always so upbeat and friendly, not to mention the fact that she had a great sense of humor. I don't think I had seen Mary in years and years, the last time I remember seeing her, she was working at Johnny's Steakhouse on 25th and L, and Steve and I had gone there for New Year's Eve dinner. A looooooong time ago. She wasn't even our waitress, but she had come over when she recognized me and we talked for a little bit, same old smiling Mary that I remembered from years past. Such a shock that she died so young. She was only 50, and it happened quite suddenly. She had developed a blood clot and then ischemia in her bowel. Over the weekend she was fine, but Monday got sick, and was dead by 1:30 Tuesday morning. That is just so, so freaking sad on so many levels. My heart just aches for her family.

Then, on Wednesday, I was looking in the paper to find Mary's obituary to post my condolences online, and I saw that Vicki Bowles had passed away. She was only 56, and she passed away due to esophageal cancer. Vicki was married to Marty's cousin, Dan, so we hadn't seen each other in years, but when I was married to Marty we used to see them quite a lot. I really had a good time whenever we saw each other, she had the same kind of crazy sense of humor that I have and we always got along great. After the divorce I only saw her once, but she had 2 more children, both girls, I wish we had stayed in touch better.

People come in and out of your life for all different reasons and sometimes you wish you had never met them - but when someone touches your life for the better, you need to let them know. I don't know if Mary ever realized how much I envied her sunny disposition or Vickie ever knew how much I valued her friendship while I was in that marriage, but I'm going to try to make an effort to let people know how much they mean to me. I've read it, and I've probably said it, but we have to let the people who are important to us, KNOW they are important to us.

This all put a pall on this week, of sorts. I feel so old. I think it's so funny - I remember one time when Susie Steinauer and whatever her name was Dewitt were babysitting us and I just hated them having them babysit. Of course they'd have their boyfriend's come over and they were total witches when they stayed with us - and I thought they had one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel - they were THAT old. Looking back on it, they weren't even out of high school! I guess they weren't that old, but they were really BITCHY! LOL! Now, here I am, past that dreaded 50th birthday, and I don't consider myself old. My mind doesn't feel old. I don't feel any older than I did when I got out of high school - my body may argue with me, but my brain is still young! I look in the mirror sometimes and wonder just what the heck happened, but more to the point - when did it happen?! One day I was out there hanging out with my friends and sharing an apartment with Gene, going to wrestling, taking road trips to Minnesota, my favorite color was orange, and I would have sold my brother for tickets to an Osmond concert... Yes, I have very diverse taste... The next thing I know, I live in Keystone (which, believe me, was more than an out of reach dream for most of my life), and I have 2 grown children, and a grandchild who I adore. But really, it was only a few months between on and the other...

We (Mel, Steve, and I) went out to Grand Island today to take some more things out to my dad. Steve and I found a wonderful chair for him at Mrs. B's the other night, so we needed to deliver that, and we had forgotten a box of his clothes on Monday (I can't believe he's only been out there since Monday), and we had to take his shopping to get dress clothes for AJ's wedding. (Oh yes, THAT again.) So, last night we went out to dad's and loaded up what we were going to take today, and then today since Mel's car is in the shop, Sarah brought her over and we all left for GI.

We had a great drive down there - stopped in York to have breakfast at Chances R... I love that place, but do not have the hashbrowns - not good - and I love hashbrowns... We got to GI about 11:30, so we got all the stuff unloaded, including some of his police memorabilia and his bison picture, went down and got something to drink while he ate lunch, and then set off to find him some duds for the wedding. He loves his chair! He had to show everybody who came within 15 feet of his door - I"m so glad he liked it. It's brown leather with some some decorative wood on the front. We got a great deal. It had originally been over $700, but we got it for $200, which I thought was a great deal. n
For the clothes, we went to the nearest mall and found a J.C. Penney store - thank goodness it was cheaper than Dillard's! We found a black sport coat and black slacks. We also got him a long-sleeve white shirt - all for $167 - which sure beats the hell out of the $600 that Dillard's wanted for a suit. AJ had called dad and told him to tell Mel to get him a suit rather than a sports jacket and slacks, but dad's budget just didn't allow for that. I felt lucky enough to find a jacket and slacks that were the same shade of black. You'd think black would be black, but you'd be wrong! He wears a size 50 jacket and a size 44x30 pants, and they were both scarce as hen's teeth. The colors of the wedding are purple and gold, and Steve found an eye-popping purple tie, but that was another $30, and he has ties at home If he doesn't have a tux, who cares what color his tie is? I was very pleased we went today to get the clothes, Penney's was having a sale and we saved $145!!! I love it when I feel like I've made a good deal. Saved $113 on the jacket alone.

After shopping, we went to Baskin-Robbins and everybody but Mel had a Nutty Coconut cone or dish of ice cream - Mel had to be different and had Quarterback Crunch, but we were all happy with the treat! After all that, we took dad back home and then we headed back to Omaha.

All in all it was a damn good day! A day spent with family is always a good thing. It was a good ending to a pretty crappy week!

Thank You, God

2011-10-03T21:42:00.000-05:00

Linda, the Social Work Tech, and Katie, the 3rd floor social worker.

Tasha, the Care Plan Nurse for dad

Dad and Linda checking out his closet and dresser.

Bob and Mel in absolute awe of dad's new surroundings.

On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again...

Bob had a tough day, he was ready for some snoozing.

Got up this morning at 5:30 and we were on the road for Grand Island by 7:20. I'm so glad this has turned out the way it has. Dad is thrilled with the new place - really! We had a wonderful orientation and lunch and then got to view his new room. Very nice. Bob was very impressed. Actually, I'm just very, very glad that dad likes the place.

Of course, he's going to be a little homesick, but he has to come back to Omaha for an audiology appointment on Thursday and then he'll be back on the 22nd for AJ and Emily's wedding. Mel and I are going out to see him this Saturday, take his TV, help him find a pair of slacks and maybe a suit jacket, and maybe, just maybe get a nice chair for his room.

We had lunch at the VH (Veteran's Home - actually the GIVH) and I have to admit the food was good. Dad was happy with it, which is what counts. I can't even put into words how relieved I am that we don't have to depend on Missy to take care of him anymore. I just can't even think about what would have happened if he had fallen down the stairs like he almost did on Friday if I hadn't been behind him or Mel hadn't been in the house. Missy was out on the deck yakking to God knows who and never even knew he fell. Mel even had to yell twice before she got her attention. I have to say I agree wholeheartedly with Mel that if Missy had actually been taking care of dad, which is what she was supposed to be doing all this time, dad maybe wouldn't have even had to go to a home. In other words, when Missy starts blubbering about dad having to go to Grand Island, and now what's SHE supposed to do, I don't really give a tinker's damn. She was crying Friday night about how she didn't want dad to have to go, but when Mel tried to talk to her, the bottom line was, Missy didn't know what she was going to do; so it wasn't really that dad was leaving, it was just that it upset her plans. I would think between a boyfriend, a fiance, and a husband she might be able to make a choice. For the love of God.

That's all for today - just a Very Good Day, and I'm soooo glad that dad is safe and in a good place. I might even be able to sleep well!

Ta-ta.

Gotta Love 'Em!

2011-10-01T01:01:00.001-05:00

Reading a friend's FB profile tonight about something his son said, and how it was so funny because he mispronounced the word reminded me of the following conversation with Meg when she was in 4th grade:

Meg: I learned a new word in school today.

Me: Cool! What is it?

Meg: Reardeveer. (Phonetic spelling - for obvious reasons.)

Me: What?! (wondering what I just heard)

Meg: Reardeveer.

Me: (After trying to figure out if I've ever heard such a word - especially as a 4th grader...) Meg, I don't think there is such a word.

Meg: Yes, there is. I learned it in school today.

Me: No, I don't think there is any such word. I've never heard anything like it.

Meg: (Getting seriously annoyed with me.) Well, that was the word.

Me: (Looking at her in the rear view mirror - a light comes on...) Do you mean rear view mirror?

Meg: NO! I'm telling you the word is REAR-DE-VEER! (Finally figures out a way for me to understand...) It's another word for your bottom.

Me: (Lightbulb moment) Oh, you mean derriere!

Meg: (Totally frustrated with me by this point) THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

Me: (Totally chastised...) Oh.

This one is another one of my favorites. A little background on this story - Meg was about the same age as the last story, and she had painted her fingernails a horrifying yellow color. She had a small cyst on the outside corner of her eye, so we were at the doctor's office and he recommended surgery with a general anesthetic. This conversation took place while w were talking to the nurse who had scheduled the surgery.

Meg: (To the nurse) Do you like my nail polish?

Nurse: It's certainly different.

Meg: Mom doesn't like it, she says it looks like I have gonorrhea.

The nurse and I both gasp, I think probably for different reasons....

Me: I did no no such thing!!! I said it looked like you had JAUNDICE!

Meg: Oh well, I was close...

The nurse was still laughing as we went out the door. I'm sure we made her day.

This might be my all time favorite though - and I'm only sharing this because she NEVER reads my blog... She was probably about 12, maybe 13 when we had this lovely mother-daughter exchange.

Meg: I'm having a horrible stomach ache.

Me: Is it a stomach ache or is it the cramps? (She has a lot of "tummy trouble" just like her mama...)

Meg: Well, I'm not going to throw up, if that's what you mean.

Me: Okay. Is your period coming? That will give you cramps sometimes.

Meg: I don't know. My period is so erotic.

Me: (Seriously, by this time I'm getting used to these conversations...) Do you mean erratic?

Meg: Erratic, erotic... What's the difference? (Shrugs her shoulders and walks away...)

I give up.

Can We Replay Today?

2011-09-30T23:06:00.001-05:00

The day wasn't so bad - believe me, it was worse for dad.... But let me start at the beginning. Mel called me this morning to let me know she was on her way over to get me. Dad, Mel, and I had discussed that I was going to be in charge of dad's finances from now on. I thought that just might be a good idea since he's going to be in Grand Island. It's not Mel, I distrust, I'll leave it at that. I talked to dad the other day and asked him how much cash he actually had in the house. Last I knew it was a pretty good amount. Well, now he has none. Not one red cent.... Okay, he has a change jar on his dresser, so maybe he has about 10 bucks, but that's about it. So we talked about it and I decided to take over taking care of the funds.

So, Mel woke me up and told me she was on her way over. Cool. I was ready, all except for "putting my leg on" as I refer to bandaging up my ankle and putting on the boot, so we were soon on our way. Went to the credit union and got all the finances straightened out, got a check for the GIVH for Monday and reordered new checks with the correct address on them. Check.

We needed some boxes because we planned on cleaning out dad's closet today and getting rid of the stuff that didn't fit, so we went to U-Haul and got 3 boxes and a new roll of tape. Check

Dad wanted to take us out to lunch for all we've done for him and just to have a good time today, so we went out to Big Fred's. I got my old standard, Phil's Salad, which I couldn't finish, as usual, so I got it in a box to take home. This is important to remember... Check.

Next, we had to go get Sarah's check and get it deposited into her bank for her since she had to work tonight and wanted to get her money into the bank today. Check

We're on the way to Village Pointe, when dad said he had a stomach ache - uh oh... We got out to the shopping center and wouldn't you know it, there was no place to park. We drove around twice while looking for a place, but dad really had to use the restroom, so we stopped at the Theater complex so he could use the bathroom, we dropped him off and said we'd be right back as soon as Mel got Sar's check. We drove around the parking lot 3 more times looking for a close place, but finally decided to just double park in front of the theater, Mel would run down and get Sar's check and we'd be close for dad when he came out. Dad came out all right - he didn't quite make it to the bathroom. Uh oh... But he got himself pretty well cleaned up except for his socks. And his shoes... And the toilet in the theater wouldn't flush and he really didn't make it to the toilet... OMG... I felt horrible for him, but really, when you're a 54-year-old woman, they really frown on you accompanying a 78-year-old man into a public restroom. Dad did mention to the guy at the door that they might want to get a janitor into the men's bathroom... Oh for the love of Pete... Mel got back to the car about then and realized dad hadn't quite made it to the bathroom, so plans to go to the bank were altered a bit. We decided to take dad home to shower and Mel would run the check to the bank for Sarah while I started packing the closet. Check.

When we got to Mel's I grabbed my purse, my empty soda can, the envelope of information for the home, and my salad and finally managed to extricate myself from the back seat, which isn't as easy as it sounds with the damn boot on. I asked Mel to grab my camera bag, but still managed to be the last one in the house. I was walking up the first flight of stairs, from the foyer to the living room, and dad was just rounding the living room stairs, about to go up the second flight to the bedrooms when he lost his balance and fell backward. I don't know how the hell he did it, but he was falling backward down the flight of stairs I was standing on. All I heard was a crack (like I heard when I broke my leg) and I yelled, "DAD!!" at the top of my lungs and dropped the salad, the pop can, and the envelope I was holding in order to grab dad and catch him as he fell - which I did. All 275 pounds of him. I'm going to feel that tomorrow! All I saw as I caught him was the salad I dropped on the stairs and I remember thinking "Oh my God, he threw up too..." I was very relieved to see it was my salad! Mel was screaming for Missy, who was out on the deck talking on her cell phone, as she was running over to help. Missy was oblivious, while Mel and I tried to get dad up the stairs and onto the living room floor, which we finally did, which was more difficult than it sounds because by this time I realized dad was okay, it wasn't vomit on the stairs, and then I got the darn giggles. I could barely stand up, I'm trying to push dad up the stairs while Mel pulled, and I had to pee so bad, it just struck my darn funny bone. I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. Double check...

Between Mel pulling and me pushing (It's a good thing dad isn't a Stretch Armstrong doll, or his arms would be 6 feet long...) we finally got him at least onto the living room carpet where we saw that he had cut two of his fingers pretty bad. By that time, Missy had finally realized what was going on and she helped him get to his feet and out into the kitchen to run some cold water over his fingers while Mel ran to get some towels. I finally made it to the bathroom and by the time I got out, I looked over the railing (cracking my head on the ceiling over the lower staircase - you have to see the house to see what I mean) and saw PeeWee finishing off the salad that was all over the stairs. I can't believe he didn't spend the rest of the afternoon yarking, not exactly good for dog tummies. After cleaning up dad as best we could, from both accidents; and cataloging his injuries (A big gash on one finger on each hand, a cut above his elbow on the right, and a small puncture wound on his right calf), we decided he would need a stitch or two on each finger so I asked Miss if she would take dad to the hospital while Mel and I got the rest of the errands run. She was pissed and dad had to give her 10 bucks for gas, but she did take him. He did end up needing one stitch in each finger. Thanks goodness he has had a tetanus shot recently, so he didn't have to have another one - but I think he would have preferred that to the lidocaine in the finger prior to the stitches!

While they were gone, Mel and I got Sarah's check into the bank and got dad's closet all cleaned out, and one whole dresser cleaned out and everything packed to bring over to my house. Since Mel doesn't have an apartment yet and Missy isn't sure of her future living plans, we storing everything at my house. We've got 2 empty bedrooms in the basement, that way we won't have to pay for storage and if dad gets tired of the shirts and sweats he has packed to wear, we can switch out clothes with him.

About the time everybody got back home and settled in, dad's guardian ad litem showed up with some Very Good News... Dad FINALLY has a court date for his divorce!!! Yahoo!!! It's December 28. Happy Freaking New Year! Thank God for his GAL, because if we left it up to his divorce attorney, we'd never get anywhere. Although he might be willing to get his butt moving now because dad's expendable income is next to nothing and we're not going to be giving him $500 every other month to do absolutely NOTHING. Anyway, that was good news, and I was very happy to hear that.

I get so mad at Missy sometimes, I can't believe God let that idiot procreate. And she's done such a stellar job. Not. She told Mel tonight that she was going to spend the weekend at Ray's. I can't believe it. She's been walking around bawling all week because she's going to miss dad soooo much, she wishes he didn't have to go, yet the last 2 days he's home, she goes off to Ray's. Oh, the love is almost palpable, isn't it? Then AJ and his damn wedding. For months dad has been so excited because AJ told him that he was going to wear a tux. Dad has been telling everyone how excited he was that he was going to wear a tux at the wedding. Then AJ tells him sometime during the past week or so that he wasn't going to wear a tux, but a suit. Dad doesn't have a suit. AJ told Mel to take dad out and get him measured and fitted for a suit and AJ would buy him one. So Mel took him out and got him measured and AJ called Mel tonight and told her that he didn't have the money to buy one, so dad would have to get it himself. After I told AJ the other night in an unrelated conversation that dad didn't HAVE any money. And to top it all off, Missy told Mel that AJ couldn't afford the suit IN FRONT OF DAD. How effing stupid can you be? Dad said to never mind, he wouldn't go to the wedding. I found a letter several months ago that AJ wrote to dad, telling him how important he was to AJ, that dad was his "best buddy" and how much AJ loved him - right.... And this is how you treat that person? WTF? I'm so disappointed in Aaron, I really am. I wish I had the money to buy a damn suit, but I sure don't. Even if dad could wear a tux that didn't match the groomsmen or whatever, that would sure be cheaper than having to buy a suit. I wish they'd just freaking elope. And I sure hope they're not expecting a grand wedding present from us.

Well, there's nothing anybody can do about it, you can't fix selfish I guess, just the same as you can't fix stupid. In this family, it's pretty much one in the same. When AJ stiffed Matt for the medical bills when Matt hurt himself out riding Aaron's ATV and he promised to pay for them because his insurance didn't cover anyone else, I didn't think so much about it. He was young, he didn't have a great job, and the bills were expensive, no big deal, but this is reprehensible. This is his GRANDPA for the love of Pete... Ah well, I feel better just venting about it. I just feel so darn bad for dad that I want to smack the shit of just about anybody spawned by that idiot sister of mine.

Same Old Stuff

2011-09-29T00:14:00.000-05:00

Wondering what the Weather Channel will post when they finally take the flood warning off Omaha's page? When all this flooding started and the Corps of Engineers were saying that some pple may not get back home until August, I thought that was such a long time, and now here it is the middle of September and a lot of people still aren't able to come back to their homes. In so many cases, the homes are totally ruined, so even if they're back to a point where they can get to their homes, they're not able to live in them - and heaven only knows how long it will take to get the insurance settlement and then they have to decide if they want to rebuild there or somewhere else. I'd have a hard time making a decision like that. Supposedly this was a big freak accident that just happened when everything came together for a disaster, so much snowpack from heavy snowfall in the northern plains, a late summer, etc., but I really think a big part of the problem was the COE holding too much water in the dam for the recreational users of Gavins Point and other lake and water rec areas in South and North Dakota and then when all the water hit they had nowhere for it to go. I'm scared the same thing will happen next spring if big changes aren't made over this winter. I feel sorry for everyone who is still displaced by the floods. Think I did a little much yesterday. I was so excited about hearing about a new app for my iPod that would put the latitude and longitude on a new program that keeps track of graves in the US. I was so jazzed about it that I didn't stop to think the whole thing through. I don't have an iPhone, I have an iPod touch with wi-fi, not on a 3G or 4G network. So, Steve and I went up to the cemetery up on Military after dinner to see if it would work or not - and.... Of course it didn't!!! Silly me. How did I think the GPS was going to work without being connected to anything? Duh. After we left the cemetery we went over to Mom and Bob's - to feed the possum. Ha ha ha... How many people do you know would make sure their wild nocturnal visitors are well fed? Not only does the possum have to be fed, but the squirrels need to have new corn, and the bird feeders need to be fed, I'm missing the bird feeder on our old deck. As glad as I was to see that thing gone before somebody (probably me) got killed out there! I loved watching the robins, cardinals, and blue birds, along with the little starlings and the big black birds that Bob hates. I loved taking pictures of them as they came up to visit. I felt lucky when the sqirrels came to visit too, so I could watch all the birds and animals interact. Took loots of photos last summer. Go back to Dr. E on Friday to hopefully get the staples out. I haven't been able to wear Das Boot. My ankle is really swollen since he had to chisel that plate out of the bone. Lots more bruising than I was expecting too. Never mi\\\gh, cause it's all done - Yahoo! I wonder if he hasCam walkers that I could get anew one. Let's ope so. My ankle gets terribly tired when I walk on it a lot, I think the boot would help That's it. Nothingn new.

Growing Up

2011-09-29T00:13:00.001-05:00

We got the call on Monday that the VA Home had a bed for dad. I was so glad. I'm so happy that we don't have to worry about him anymore. We took him out to dinner at Boyd and Charlie's for Burger Tuesday last night with dad, Mel, and Sarah, and then we went back to his house and broke the news. I had been praying and praying all day yesterday that things would go well. Prayed for the right words to tell him, prayed for him to understand that we're just looking out for him. He took it very well, and I think we handled ourselves very well. By the time we left he said he was "leaning toward going", but he wanted to think about it overnight. I can imagine it's hard for him to give up the idea of living in his own home. I don't even know if he really realizes he won't ever dome "home" again. I mean, I know he knows, but does he understand - I'm not sure. Tonight Steve and I went to Wal-Mart and grabbed some boxes to at least get his clothes packed that he's going to take. He's doing great. We could talk about anything and he was very cooperative and acting like he's actually looking forward to going. I think it helped that Bob called him today and told him what a good thing he thinks this is for dad. He's going with us on Monday so he can take a look around too. Bob had no idea that he (and Carol) could go to the VA Home, so he wanted to go look around. I found out that he's been paying $1000 a month in premiums for long term care insurance for him and mom. That's just crazy - there are so many things they could be doing with that money! When we were over at dad's and getting the stuff packed, we were talking about his checking account. The money for the second mortgage is automatically deducted from his checking account, so he's just going to close his account and open another. He wants to get all that done on Friday when his check goes into the Credit Union. I said that was fine, but we need the money for his payment on Monday. So I was trying to explain to him that we probably would need a cashier's check for the home. He kept saying, we'll just write a check from the old account, but I was trying to tell him that there wouldn't be any money in the old account to write a check on because he would have used the money to open the new account. He just couldn't grasp it. I knew he was getting worse, I expected him to be getting worse, but to see how bad it seems to have gotten just breaks my heart. I see my grandma in him now, the grandma with Alzheimers. I don't want to see my dad like that. I just don't. I know we don't have much good time left, and I'm sad that he's going to be so far away. We have to take advantage of spending good quality time with him while we can. The older I get the more I realize how much I love my daddy, even though he felt like a big brother for so long. The first stingray bike I ever got, while even Cathy D, was riding an older bike. The swimming pools we used to have and how he set them up. I remember my Brownie Troop going on a field trip to the old Police Station and running into my dad in the garage and I was so embarrassed that he was a police officer that I wouldn't even talk to him. Having grown up and had kids of my own, I imagine that really hurt his feelings. Of course I remember the bad things too... Begging him to take my picture at a party he and mom were having. He took my picture all right. After I got spanked for bothering him about the picture and then he took the picture. Thank God it was black and white because my face was still all blotchy! Silly dad...Anyway, lots of memories came back tonight, not all good, but certainly not all bad and I know that the dad I know is really failing and I'm going to miss him. That's all about that tonight. I'm jjst too weepy to go on. Had to take Heidi and Ben both to the vet today. I knew one of them had a bladder infection, but just wasn't sure which one. Monday we found a small (Cookie-size) piddle under the rocker where Ben likes to "go" and there were 2 drop of red blood in it. So, Ben and Ruger were both wearing belly bands. Then yesterday while Ben had a small reprieve from the dreaded belly band I found a little tiny puddle with blood in it again - only this time it was in the bedroom, in the middle of open space, like a girl had done it. Hmmmmm.... Which one did it? Both Heidi and Ruger had been in the bedroom, so I had no way of knowing. I didn't want whoever it was to continue to be in pain and I knew from the small amount of urine that they were having some pain. I made an appointment today at 2:20 for both of them. Well, Heidi did have a bladder infection, so she's on antibiotics, and Ben's wink was bruised, so that could have been a source of fresh blood too, so since we couldn't get a urine sample from Ben, we just put both of them on antibiotics. I hope they both feel better really soon! The weather yesterday and today has been warm! Wouldn't you figure? Mom buys me a cool sweatshirt and it's been too warm to wear it. I thought today would be cool, so I wore it to the vet and nearly sweat to death! Leaving the vet I saw the temperataure was 88 degrees. What?! Not complaining because I didn't feel too sore or achy until about 4:30 tonight, but then it hit like a ton of bricks. I got over it, went to Wal-Mart and got the boxes for dad. We're going to need more for his other stuff that he wants to keep, his personal things, that we need to pack and put in our basement. I told him he could put is private things in a box and we'd seal it, and no one would open it. It was safe. I know dad talked to Pam last night, but he won't tell us everything that was said. He told me he just left her a message, but then later he told me she was upset that dad was moving to GI, because "What am I gonna do?" Who gives a flying flip what she does? She sure as hell didn't care what dad was going to do when she took off and left dad with everything. I even told dad tonight to forget the bankruptcy. Let Pam take all the debt, hire a lawyer, and get it done. Stupid bitch. What am I going to do... I can tell her a few things she could do. I'm getting to the point that I'm not even mad at her anymore I just want her gone, bye-bye, so long, sayonara... Of course if she blew away, I wouldn't feel too bad. I'm going to start calling all the creditors next week and giving them her information. Let her answer some calls for a change. I need to get some sleep. Already took the Ambien.... Night for now...

Somebody shoot me

2011-09-16T22:58:00.001-05:00

I had no idea how freaking painful this surgery was going to be. Since I broke my leg, I've had surgery, and it sure didn't seem this bad. I can't even imagine putting that darn boot on and making it tight on this leg. Maybe it would feel better - but I can't even stand the thought. It feels like someone is sticking a red hot poker into my right ankle, and I took my last pain pill until morning over an hour ago. Not good. Of course all my Dr. Pepper is in the refrigerator in the kitchen and I really don't think I can get out of bed again tonight. This is serious. Matt called to see if we could watch Hailey tomorrow. Like I'd say no. Ha ha ha... I forgot Steve is going to a gun show with Bob in Fremont, but mom is coming over, so we'll be fine. I never get to see her alone anymore, which really sucks, so there's no way I was going to tell, Matt I couldn't take her. She has another ear infection, poor thing. She has ears like Matt, I'm afraid. Later, I hear Steve, I'm going to get a Dr. Pepper yet! Aaaaaah, much better. I was just thinking about my mom's stepmother tonight. Don't even know where that thought came from, but once I started thinking about her, the memories started flooding in. Millie (I called her Mio) was so good to us when we were kids. My grandfather passed away when I was 6, but I have good memories of the time she was my step-grandmother. I know my mother was probably not very nice to Kay (her stepsister) or to Millie after grandpa died... Heck, if I know my mother, she probably wasn't pleasant to them before grandpa died, but I wish we could have stayed in touch with her. I wish I had gotten in touch with her when I got older to tell her how much the time I spent with her and grandpa meant to me. I can remember going out to their house and dyeing Easter eggs, and how patient Millie was with Missy and I. I also remember going over and spending the night and Kay painted my nails and actually talked to me! I'm not sure how old she was at the time, but I though she was beautiful and I loved her pink and white striped bedroom walls. Years later I read a book called "Cathy at the Crossroads" and the girl in that book had a pink and white striped bedroom and I always thought of Kay when I read the book. Millie was a good woman, and I wish I had let her know she played an important part in my childhood. I'd also like to apologize to Kay for my mother's behavior when Millie passed away. She had remarried and moved to Arizona, but her funeral was here. Oh brother, my mother was such a bitch that day. She acted like she was in charge and I"m sure it had to bother Kay, it bothered me and she's MY mother. Maybe I'll have to find Kay and at least let her know how much Mio meant to me. Meg came over tonight and then spent most of her time on the phone with a friend. Sometimes that girl just irritates the bejesus out of her. I love her, but sometimes she just tries my patience. As long as you agree with her you'll be fine, but heaven forbid you have an opinion that she doesn't share! Holy Moses she's a royal pain! Obviously she spent some of her formative years with my mother! LOL! She's not that bad, but it sounded good! Ack, this leg is ridiculously painful. Trying to figure out how I'm going to sleep tonight. I'm sure it'll work out. I think I'm going to watch some more Ghost Whisperer - although I'm getting kind of fed up with it at this point. I can believe in ghosts, really I can, but I can't believe this whole bit of her husband dying and jumping into a body just as someone else crosses over... Sounds like "Sam" had a lot of issues in his life and would have wanted to stay and work them out... Anyway, I'm almost to season five, so I'm going to keep watching, for now anyway. That's it for me tonight!

No More Bionic Woman

2011-09-15T22:35:00.000-05:00

Well, the hardware is all gone and I'm back to just being me. It's more painful than I expected actually. Dr. E told Steve that he actually had to use a chisel to get the plate out, but he used the bone chips to fill in the holes, so that was good. Right? Ouch. I waited too long to put the boot on and it's all swollen, so I can't get the boot on now. Darn it. So, I've been having to shuffle back and forth from the bed to the bathroom. Mel is bringing dad's walker over tomorrow. I feel it's kind of nuts to use a wheelchair to go 10 feet! I don't feel comfortable using the crutches, too clumsy for those. I'm looking forward to having the walker.

Right now, I'm tired and my leg is really hurting, so I'm going to make this short. Night to all!

Git 'er Done!

2011-09-14T00:53:00.001-05:00

I have no idea what happened to this post. Darn it anyway...

Hailey Turned TWO

2011-09-12T21:35:00.002-05:00

Hapiley had a wonderful birthday - she's quite the little social butterfly! Matt said he probably didn't hold her for more than a half hour total all day, but she sure went around the entire part and visited with everybody! Magann's sister did face painting and Hailey had a blue and yellow butterfly on her face - she was so cute!She got a lot of new toys to play with and a bunch of new clothes. One of the cutest outfits was a pair of black jeans and a leather-looking sleeveless vest - very cute and very biker babe! ROFL. We had a lot of fun - Sue V. made all the food, a lot of Italian sausage and hot dogs, lots of fresh fruit and potato salad, and Matt and Magann had gotten her a small cake from Petit's and gotten some specialty cupcakes, so everyone was able to have some cake, everything was great. I made the gift bags for the kids who attended and that was fun, I think they were kind of cute. I put off waiting them too long though, I didn't finish with them until 2:30 and I had to pick mom and Bob up at 3:30 - oops. I got them and we got to the party in plenty of time. Hailey was excited to see me, and was kind of jealous that I wanted to pay any attention to Lexi's new baby girl. I'm her nana and she's not going to let me forget it. Kylie has her own nana and it's sure not me! Nevermind that Kylie and Steven are sharing their Nanny Sue with Hailey! Watching Hails open her presents was fun. She was all for the toys, but had no use for the clothes. As soon as she'd open an outfit she'd toss it on the floor! No matter, sooner or later she's going to be a clothes horse like I was - when I was thin and buying clothes was fun! I can't wait to see her in some of her new clothes, she'll be so darling! Steve V and Sue bought her a winter coat that's going to be really cute. She's growing up so fast though, it just boggles my mind! Hailey spent lots of time running back and forth between me and Steve throughout the evening. It really made Steve's night when, after we left, Hailey fell near the swings and ran right past Matt to get a healing kiss from Papa. I have to think maybe our relationship and his relationship with my kids would have been so much better if we had been able to have kids of our own. He's finally starting to understand why I feel the way I do about my kids. When you have a child around you from the very first and you realize how much they depend on you to nurture and care for them, it makes quite a difference. I sure miss having Hailey here ever day - even every other week, what a blessing that was! In other news - I had my preop physical with Dr. S today, so everything is set for Thursday - except me. I'm always such a chicken before surgery. I'm not looking forward to 5 or 6 weeks in that darn boot again, and not being able to drive, but it will be nice if my ankle doesn't hurt so much and maybe I can walk again. I'd like to lose some of this weight I'm hauling around. I was sure hoping we'd have dad settled somewhere by this time, but apparently that's not the plan God has in mind. Mel changed her mind about moving, I know it was going to be hard for her financially, so it's probably the best thing, but I wish she wasn't so tied down with dad. Miss is worthless. Mel had told her last week that they needed to start swapping who was in charge on the weekends and since Miss had been at Ray's the week before (for 4 days), it was her turn to be home with dad this past weekend. Ha ha ha. She said "okay" like she always does, but took off like a scalded dog Friday night. She put in a cameo appearance on Saturday and then was off again. Mel doesn't want to say anything to her because she's such a royal bitch if you do, but if you don't; then she thinks she can do whatever she wants. I just want dad to be in a safe place - and that means far, far away from Missy. I can't count the number of times I've said "You need to WATCH dad, you can't sleep all day" and her response is always "Okay" and the very next day I can call dad at noon and she's still sleeping. She didn't even learn her lesson after dad sat right next to her and drank antifreeze and it didn't faze her in the least. I think if dad dropped dead in front of her, it wouldn't matter, she's so freaking stupid. I guess all I can do is be grateful that she's not in charge of me - ha ha ha, she can't even take care of herself. I talked to Dr. S today about the low dose naltraxone study for fibro, and about a different way to control pain. I'm not really happy about the Tyelenol in the hydrocodone and it's long term effect on the liver. There's a drug, new to me, called Savella that he wants me to try. I'm hoping something works, this pain is just getting ridiculous. I was in bed most of the day Friday, just overdid it on Thursday. On Saturday, I got up and did some light housework and got the dishes clean, and then I ended back up in bed before I got up to go to dad's. Adam came home from the hospital and we were invited over for awhile. Sunday wasn't too bad, at least I managed to stay up the whole day! After the surgery I'll start the Savella and see how it goes. It came with a 2 week starter pack, by that time I should know how it's going to work and then Dr. S will call in a prescription. I hope it works. I'm so tired of pain, pain, pain... Not to mention the idiots who don't get it. Speaking of which, Jason took Steve out for a beer Thursday after Hailey's party. Isn't that sweet? I'm glad Steve didn't invite him over, that little asshole isn't welcome here - at least not by me. I love the way people in this stupid family want everything to be forgotten and forgiven, but they never feel the need to apologize. Ah well, don't expect much from my family and I'm never disappointed. It was hot today, 90 degrees, but since I know the end of the long hot summer is in sight, I enjoyed the drive to and from Fremont. Just crank up the iPod and cruise on down the hghway, beautiful!I put the first scrape on my car Thursday night and nobody can blame it on medication either... I hadn't taken any pain meds at all since I was busy before I left and then I was going to drive, so I figured I'd take it when I got home... By 8:30 I was feeling pretty rocky and I just wasn't paying close enough attention when I pulled into the garage. I just got some paint smear on the mirror on the passenger side. I'm pretty sure it will buff out, but at least the first scratch is over and done! You kind of hold your breath when driving until the first scratch happens and when it does, you can relax! Yesterday was the most exciting day! The other night Dorothy and I had decided to look for Mollie, who was one of our friends from over 30 years ago. We finally found her and I had sent her a message on FB asking to be friends. She answerd me back and called me Saturday afternoon, so we made plans for her to come over on Sunday. It was so good to see her! You know you're good friends when you can see each other after 30 years and pick up right where you left off. We talked Sunday for 3 hours before she had to go - I'm looking forward to having her be a friend again and part of my life. She's still the sweet person she used to be. Love her! And THAT was my weekend!

The Boys of Summer are gone

2011-09-05T11:42:00.001-05:00

We had a really good time yesterday. Mom, Bob, Meg, Jason, Matt, Magann, and Hailey came over for dinner. Steve grilled some really great filets and made his famous frog eye salad - which Hailey refuses to eat - so we had a good time. Everyone got to visit a bit, and be charmed by Hailey. That's what grandchildren are all about, right? Meg and Jason had to leave to go watch The Screamer, so we didn't get to play any games or anything. Mom and Bob stayed to watch that horrible movie about aliens invading Los Angeles. I've blocked the title out of my mind, it's not one of my favorite movies. I'm loving the cool weather, and I'm going to love it even more when I get a chance to adjust to it. For right now, it's cooler, which slows me down a little, but it feels so nice to just sit outside and read or just watch people go by. Today we had planned on going to the church picnic, but Mel called and as usual Missy didn't come home last night. She probably thinks Mel was off today, which she isn't, but how would you know that if you won't answer your phone, hmmmmm? Mel tried to call both Ray and Missy and they won't answer the phone. Sarah is home with him right now, but I'm leaving to go over and take care of dad for the afternoon. I thought about taking him to the picnic with us, but he's so unsteady on his feet again and I don't know where the picnic is in relation to the park, or where we would have to park the car, so I'm just going out to dad's. I don't mind really, but when you depend on someone to do something and they blow off their responsibility and expect others to cover, it pisses me off. I don't know why, I know Missy is the most irresponsible person on the planet, I should be used to it by now. I also think is miraculous how when she gets a shot when she's home with dad, she has to sleep for 24-36 hours, but when she gets a shot when she's at Ray's she can be out getting her hair done the next morning. I guess having someone else pay to have you hair done is very therapeutic.'m Looking forward to Hailey's party on Thursday. I can't believe that little stinker is going to be 2 already. Hard to think that it was a year ago she was smooshing chocolate cake into Matt's mouth while we celebrated her first birthday! Sue is in North Carolina for a couple days getting one of Magann's sisters settled, but she's planning on doing all the cooking for the party - I'm going to call her when she gets home and offer to do some of it - what a lot of work for one person!!! I'll post pics later, gotta run! Everybody have a wonderful fall day!

Happy September.

2011-09-02T22:02:00.000-05:00

Dare I say I think this may be a Very Good Month? Don't prove me wrong, if you know what's good for you, either!

We had a wicked awesome thunderstorm tonight. Thunder is still rattling as I write - I love it. If it weren't a Friday night, I'd get my PJs on and jump into bed, just to fall asleep to the sound of thunder. I think I sleep better when it's raining and thundering Maybe not, but only I have to think so.

Meg came over yesterday. Nice to see her, even if she only came over to change the oil in her car and steal food from our freezer. I'm on to you, Meg. We had to go to the company store today to replenish what she took! Alas, they had no whipped cream in a can!!! They finally had pudding, but no whipped cream, it's a travesty, I tell you. Reddi-Whip, that's the stuff. Last time we bought a can at the company store, the LARGE can, it was $1.50, when I saw it at Wal-Mart the same weekend it was $3.65. I knew we should have grabbed a couple last week, darn it.

Everyone is coming over on Sunday evening for dinner. We're going to cook bacon-wrapped filets, have baked potatoes, and I'll have to figure out what sort of cool, end-of-summer dessert to have. I can't believe summer is over already! Steve's cousin Cheryl sent him a quote the other day I thought was funny - Life is like toilet paper, the closer you are to the end, the faster it goes. Ain't that the truth!

Our weather is looking wonderful for next week - high's in the 70s and lows in the 50s - ahhhhh. Bliss!

I borrowed this from someone else - but it defines my life too.

2011-08-31T14:23:00.000-05:00

I’m not taking credit for this letter, I did not write it, I found it online and sent it to everyone I know to help them understand what I was going through. I wish I knew who did write it, I would love to give them the credit here on my blog! (If anyone knows, please let me know and I’ll be more than happy to post the credit!)

A LETTER FROM FIBROMYALGIA

Dear Miserable Human Being,

Hi, my name is Fibromyalgia, and I’m an invisible chronic illness. I am now ‘velcroed’ to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyway I please. I can cause severe pain, or if I am in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.

Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you and gave you Exhaustion. Just try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and in its place gave you Fibro Fog (a.k.a.) Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away too. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: that virus you had that you never quite recovered from, or that car accident, or childbirth, the death of a loved one, or maybe it was those years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay! I hear you’re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I’m ‘ROFL’ (rolling on the floor laughing)! Just try! You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. In fact, you’ll see many doctors who tell you ‘it’s all in your head’ (or some version of that). If you do find a doctor willing to treat this ‘non-disease’, you will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, and energy pills. You will be told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENS unit, told if you just sleep and exercise properly, I will go away. You’ll be told to think positively, poked, prodded, and most of all, you will not be taken seriously when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is for you every single day!

Your family, friends, and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you’re just having a bad day”, or “Well, remember, you can’t expect to do the things you used to do 20 years ago,” not hearing that you said “20 DAYS ago”! Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity, trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a ‘normal’ person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next!

In closing, you’ve probably figured out that the ONLY place you will get any real support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People with Fibromyalgia! They are the only ones that will understand your complaints of unrelenting pain, insomnia, fibro fog, the inability to perform the everyday tasks that ‘normal people’ take for granted.

Remember, I’m stuck to you like Velcro – and I expect we’ll be together for the rest of your life.

Have a nice day!! (ROFL),

10 best things about Fibromyalgia

(from Zazzle.com amazing website of super cool products)

I save money on magazines. With brain fog, I can’t remember what I just read!
I am a cheap date. No alcohol, no dessert and I still feel drunk or hungover.
On ‘good day’s I feel wonderful. Other people need a much better day to feel that way.
I am easy to find…I’m either at the Dr’s office or at home.
I never have to make my bed because I’ll probably be right back in it.
I have acquired a great lounging/sleeping wardbrobe. I rarely get dressed as nobody ever sees me.
Disequilibrium saves money on amusement parks. I get the same sensations every time I stand up!
I feel smarter than my Doctors…all they say is ‘I don’t know’
With short-term memory impairment I can hide my own Easter eggs and Christmas presents.
Before you Judge
By fibrorelief
This is not my own article but one I’ve gotten from FMS Community at

http://www.fmscommunity.org/lettertonormals.htm and felt it should be shared because it’s so true!

There are the things I would like you to understand before you judge me…

Please know that being sick doesn’t mean I’m not human. I may spend most of my day flat on my back and I might not seem like great company, but I’m still me stuck inside this body. I worry about school, work, family and friends and I’d still like to hear about yours.

Please understand the difference between “happy” and “healthy”. When you’ve got the flu you probably feel miserable but it will pass. I’ve been sick for for so long that I can’t afford to be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if I sound happy, it means that I’m happy, it does not mean that I am well. I may be in pain and sicker than ever.

Please, don’t say, “Oh, you’re sounding better!”.

I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for five minutes, doesn’t mean that I can stand ten minutes, or an hour. It’s likely that five minutes has exhausted my resources and I’ll need to recover – imagine an athlete after a race. They couldn’t repeat that feat right away either. With a lot of diseases you’re either paralyzed or you can move, but with Fibromyalgia it gets more confusing.

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, “sitting up”, “walking”, “thinking”, “being sociable” and so on … it applies to everything. That’s what a fatigue-based illness does to you.

Please understand that chronic illnesses are variable. It’s quite possible (for me, it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, and the next I’ll struggle to reach the kitchen.

Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying, “But you did it before!”.

If you want me to do something, ask if I can and I’ll tell you. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute, if this happens please don’t take it personally.

Please understand that “getting out and doing things” does not make me feel better, and can often make me worse. Fibromyalgia may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t you get depressed if you were no longer able to participate in life?) but it is not caused by depression. Telling me that I need exercise is not appreciated or correct – if I could do it, I would.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take these pills now, that I do have to do it right now – it can’t be put off or forgotten just because I’m doing something. Fibromyalgia does not forgive.

Please understand that I can’t spend all of my energy trying to get well. With a short-term illness like the flu, you can afford to put life on hold for a week or two while you get well. But part of having a chronic illness is coming to the realization that you have to spend some energy on having a life now. This doesn’t mean I’m not trying to get better. It doesn’t mean I’ve given up. It’s just how life is when you’re dealing with a chronic illness.

If you want to suggest a cure, please don’t. It’s not because I don’t appreciate the thought, and it’s not because I don’t want to get well. It’s because every one of my friends has already suggested every theory known to man. I tried them all, but quickly realized I was using up so much energy trying new treatments I was making myself sicker, not better. If there was something that cured Fibromyalgia, all of us would know about it by now.

If you read this and still want to suggest a cure, submit it in writing but don’t expect me to rush out and try it. If it is something new, with merit, I’ll discuss it with my doctor.

Please understand that getting better can be a slow process. Fibromyalgia entails numerous symptoms and it can take a long time to sort them all out.

I depend on you – people who are not sick for many things but most importantly, I need you to understand me.

The above text may be printed freely, and shared as needed providing all content is kept intact. No other person shall ever publish this work citing themselves as the author and give credit to FMS Community and link back to the original site. Thank You.

Sha

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

2011-08-28T23:27:00.000-05:00

Even though the weather alarm woke me up this morning with a severe thunderstorm watch until 2 p.m. it was a nice day. We had about 3 claps of LOUD thunder a little rain, and that was it. So nice. It looked like we were really going to get some rain, but it all went east of us. Sorry, Iowa.

Our weather was much better than that on the East Coast, that's for sure, with Hurriane Irene wreaking havoc all over from North Carolina to Maine. I'm glad all we have to content with are tornadoes. Okay, occasionally a blizzard or two. And yes, we are on a huge fault line, but I've only felt one earthquake in my life and that was just a small rumble that was actually centered in Western Nebraska, but hey, no hurricanes! I'm glad that as far as I know, all my friends survived just fine and hopefully no one ends up flooded out or blown away.

I was pretty sore from my journey to the zoo yesterday, but Steve was pretty good about things today. He shampooed the carpet in the bedroom and half my hobby room. Not that it did a lot of good, but it looks better. I think Ben has a mild eye infection or irritation. His right eye has been red and had a lot of goober in it lately. Found some eye ointment tonight and used that, we'll see how it goes. I hope we don't have to take him to the vet, but if we do, then we do. Pets are like kids, you have to keep them healthy.

Speaking of healthy, I think I have an infection where my wisdom tooth came out. It's been swollen ever since the tooth was pulled, but I noticed Friday afternoon it was kind of "squishy" and tonight it leaked some vile stuff, so I have to call Dr. P's office tomorrow morning. Wish me luck on that. I'm kind of freaking out since I had to sign that stupid waiver about bone infection because I've taken Fosamax. I'll feel better once he looks at it.

Mel rented a house and she's moving out on September 9th. I'm so glad for her, but worried about dad since we don't know when he'll be going into Grand Island and he'll be alone with Missy. He might as well be alone for all the good she is. If by some miracle she manages to become vertical before 1 or 2 in the afternoon, she can't cook. Plus, they won't have Mel's income to help with expenses. I wish we could hire someone to come in and be with him during the day at least, but there's no money for that. I've been trying to get him into Sarah Care or some other adult care site ever since he came home from the hospital the last time. Mel and Missy both assured me that he'd be going, but he ha yet to go. I'm not going to mention it again; and I'm not going to go out there every day to watch dad so Missy can sleep. Doesn't matter if she's awake or not, he drank the antifreeze while she sat right next to him. I'm frustrated with her anyway - what else is new? She was supposed to come home last night because Mel had to work her part-time job, but she texted Mel and told her she wasn't coming home because the twins could watch him We've only discussed umpteen times that dad is NOT the responsibility of the twins, he's OUR responsibility because he's OUR dad. Right over her head, just like everything else. Mel told her that she was moving and Missy had the gall to ask Mel if she would take Medusa with her! Of course she said she'd come over every day and let Medusa out. Right - until she had a headache or was with Ray, or Garry, or Brad, or Steve, and then poor Medusa would be lost in the shuffle and forgotten. Just like she forgets about them every weekend. I swear, if I have to listen to her cry about how her dog is her whole life I'm going to vomit. If she had moved last year when I, um, invited her to go, we wouldn't be in this mess because we could have hopefully found someone to take care of dad then and wouldn't have to go through all this now. She's a bigger pain in the ass than dad is, and she doesn't even have dementia! I'm betting she'll move back in with Garry since Ray doesn't like dogs an especially doesn't like Medusa. Or maybe she'll move in with Steve, since he was expecting her to move in when dad had to move anyway... There are times I get frustrated and crabby about some things in my life, but I'm so glad that I don't have pieces of my life scattered over the whole metro area, some stuff here, some stuff there, no bed, no place of my own or even a room to call mine. She lives like a homeless person and thinks it's funny when people say she's a nomad. I don't think it's funny, I think it's sad.

Matt called tonight. They sent a settlement offer to Hailey's "mother", but haven't heard anything back yet. I wish he would just go to court and kick her ass, but I know lawyers. Nobody wants to go to court and work for what's best for Hailey. Even if Matt wanted too his lawyer probably wouldn't. I remember my second attorney when I was trying to get custody of Matt. He was all talk about how we'd get Marty on the stand and prove this and that and the other thing. When it came right down to brass tacks he said he wouldn't go to court because we wouldn't win. Made me madder than hell then, and I'm mad now, that the system is so screwed up that you can't even try to prove a case because everyone already has their mind made up. I really worry about Hailey if her mother has her for the better part of the time. Her boyfriend is such a loser, and I think he's the one who broke Hailey's leg. She's only a baby and obviously her mother is more worried about having a boyfriend than she is about taking care of her child.

Well, going to grab some Ambien and hope it doesn't fail me tonight. Stay tuned for more episodes of My Crazy Life, or, How to Live in a Soap Opera and Still Stay Sane.

Company picnic - a day at the zoo

2011-08-27T23:17:00.000-05:00

The weather was so nice today - cooler than it has been and not a cloud in the sky. I thought it would be the perfect day for the ConAgra picnic and a day at the zoo. I was right, but apparently 20,000 other people thought the same thing. Seriously. I knew we were in trouble when we got to the 13th Street exit of the interstate and cars were backed up the entire length of the off ramp. But then I remembered the 24th Street exit was closed so that was probably the reason for the long line. Oh hell no. Apparently everybody and their uncle (and all the kids) decided it would be a nice day to go to the zoo. So, along with heaven only knows how many employees of ConAgra, the zoo was THE destination today. We left home about 10:30 and there was no parking anywhere close to the zoo. They only have about 20 handicapped parking placed to begin with and those were full of course. Steve dropped me off in front of the gate and went to park. About 20 minutes later he showed up. He had to park on the west side of the old Rosenblatt parking lot and clear down to the north. That's about as far as you can possibly go to park. Like somebody wants to park half a mile away and then traipse all over the zoo and then walk back to the car. Stupid. They need to have shuttle buses or something. Steve asked if I wanted a wheelchair, but I would have felt like an idiot, so I said no. Ha ha ha... Wishing now I would have said HELL YES! It costs $8 to rent a wheelchair from the zoo or $22 for a battery operated scooter. I would have taken the scooter, but I knew he wouldn't want to fork over that much money.

It's only been about 2 years since I went to the zoo last, but they've made some major changes - I couldn't get oriented once I got inside to save my life. We started with the Desert Dome, which is really neat and usually I like to go in there, but today it was so packed that half the time we were just shuffling along with the crowd. We did get some good pictures, but it was just too crowded. I'm not a big fan of crowds anyway and I was just getting antsy to get back outside. We did't even go into the Creatures of the Night exhibit, I had had enough of people by the time I'd been there 15 minutes. I wanted to see the Madagascar exhibit, but we made a wrong turn and ended up in the monkey house. Monkeys aren't that exciting, so we didn't stay long. Ended up going to the train depot and taking a train ride. I can't believe they can seriously charge $5 for the train trip - glad we got free passes. I wanted to ride the new Sky-- Whatever they call it, those little cars that go along a cable... I love that ride at the Iowa State Fair, but when we went by the entrance there was a huge line, so we didn't even try going

After the train ride, we walked down to where the food part of the picnic was being held. The food was okay. They have hamburgers, hot dogs, and grilled chicken, potato salad, fruit salad and then Snack Pack pudding and Healthy Choice ice cream for dessert. It was okay, but nothing fancy. I had a hamburger and then filled the rest of my plate with fruit. Not much for potato salad that's been sitting outside for heaven knows how long. (Probably not long, by the size of the crowd, but still...) Of course all the picnic tables were full, so we went over by the seals to eat. I love the seals!

I was ready to go by then. We had also gone through the Aviary, which used to be a bridge over a small lake with lots of goldfish, but now is about a 6 block walk where the fish used to be (never did find out where the fish went). The flamingos were really pretty, but they were also pretty stinky, I was happy to leave that behind. I understand where there are animals there is going to be animal poop, but it was really bad. I just held my breath and walked as quick as I could. Nasty. Anyway, we got done eating and waited for the tram to take us back to the zoo entrance so we could leave. We just barely missed one, the next one was full, and the tram stop was in the sun, so rather than wait for another we started walking. Mistake. I love our zoo, we have a very nice one, but I can't for the life of me figure out why both of them have to be at the top of a hill. I was seriously hurting and in tears by the time we got out of there. Between walking all over the VA Home grounds on Thursday and walking for 3 hours except for a train ride and eating time today, I've had enough. My body is screaming at me tonight. To top it all off, when I was coming down the stairs by the seals, I took a huge step down onto my right ankle and came down hard with a small twisting motion, so that's hurting too. After today I really miss the old ConAgra summer picnics - each division used to have thei own picnic and they'd rent FunPlex for the day. It was great. I used to think those were crowded - I was wrong! (Mark you calendars.... That doesn't happen very often... Ha ha ha...)

That's about all we did today. The missionaries came over for awhile after we got home. Then I thought about taking a second shower today, but I really didn't think I could stand that long. Legs are very sore tonight - just wait until tomorrow! I decided to take a whirlpool bath, which would have been great if the whirlpool had worked, but the circuit breaker had tripped and I didn't find out until I was already in the tub. I hate when that happens. So I just took a regular old bath. And now I'm going to go to bed. Tomorrow may be a muscle relaxer day. I can feel my back muscles just twisting up tonight. I wish I had enough sense to know when something was going to be too hard for me and just not do it. One of these days I'm going to learn to just say no - and screw the consequences. I did have fun, but it would have been more fun if the pain had been a little less - and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. I didn't want to take my purse with me, so I took my pain pills out of my purse and then forgot to take them with us. I didn't have my first one until 3:30. Way too late to do much good, I had already done too much.

Hurricane Irene is tearing up the East Coast, from North Carolina clear up into Canada. It should hit New York City tomorrow and that should be very interesting. They had a bad storm a couple weeks ago with over 10 inches of rain and now 100 mph winds and up to 15 inches of more rain is coming their way. Holy buckets, Batman. Glad I'm sitting here in my nice cool dry house! I'm praying for my friends who live back east. It's ugly - already 8 storm-related deaths. Hopefully, it won't get any worse.

Guess that's it for tonight. I have more thoughts, but I think the Ambien may be working.....

Bad Night, Maynard

2011-08-25T08:49:00.000-05:00

If you had asked me before last night how I felt about this whole thing with my dad, I would have told you it wasn't that big of a deal and I just wanted what was best for dad. Then last night I did't sleep at all. My mind wouldn't shut off. I finally gave up at 4:30 and just got up.

Then, of course, this morning, I feel like absolute dog poop from lack of sleep, then I had an anxiety attack and I feel as if I could burst into tears at any second. Of course I do, because I put makeup on today. I don't know how I can do this. I HATE the fact this is a 2-hour car ride away. I hate the thought of my dad living in some nursing facility. I hate the fact my dad has dementia. I hate, hate, hate this whole frigging mess. Most of all, I hate his damn wife for putting him in this position. What the hell. Or, maybe I hate my mother (even more) for not still being there. I mean, she was better than nothing. Not much, but a little. I hate the fact that she can't be a mother, that I don't have a mother to help shoulder a little bit of this load. I know no one thinks I'm sick, it's pretty obvious from the way everyone acts that I'm just fine and this is a bunch of bullshit that I dreamed up because, oh, I don't know, maybe I just want to sit around all day like a fucking lump and never feel like I'm a human anymore. Maybe it's really FUN to not sleep for 2 nights in the past 9 days because.... Because who the hells KNOWS why I haven't been able to sleep for 2 nights? Is it the fibro Is it the head injury residual? Did somebody slip some placebos in my Ambien? Or maybe Ambien isn't going to help me sleep anymore. I don't even want to think about that possibility.

Remember all those words George Carlin said you couldn't say on TV? Well, I want to say them all right now. That's how I feel. This is messed up and I don't want to do anything, but try to sleep. So, insert the words here and I'll try to concentrate on the fact that in 8 hours (hopefully less), I'll be home again. In my pajamas. Trying to sleep. Again.

Tossed the bisphosphonate drugs!

2011-08-17T23:22:00.000-05:00

Had my wisdom tooth pulled today. After all the crying and whining I did, it was a piece of cake. KNOCK ON WOOD! The day started out great, my BP was through the roof at the office, but I went to sleep, the tooth came out and I came to. Whew. But, you knew there was a but in there, didn't you? I'm seriously paying for my anxiety pre-appointment. By 5 p.m. I was in my pajamas and I've been in bed the rest of the evening. My hands are so hot... Is that an odd symptom? My hands always get hot when I get a flare, always. Sometimes my feet get hot too, but mostly it's my hands. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. The inside of my cheek was numb until about 4:30, but not the outside, how strange is that? My jaw has gotten more sore as the day has progressed, but it's not unbearable. My fibro is actually causing more pain than the tooth extraction. The bleeding had almost stopped, but then I did some things I wasn't supposed to do and that started the bleeding again, but I used some more gauze and compression and it's pretty much stopped now. I hate the taste of old blood. The post op instructions said it could ooze blood for as long as 36 hours, that's a pleasant thought. I haven't had a bloody mouth for 26 years... Anyone who knows me will know what that means. I haven't missed it, either.

About the bisphosphonates... I'm feeling a little annoyed with Dr. Zeitz, for not fully discussing he side effects of Fosamax with me. Yes, I can read, and I have read the package insert - even caught a couple commercials on TV about pending lawsuits, but holy shit - you should see the consent I had to sign for the dentist... Listed below are just a couple of the high points...

* You have been treated with bisphosphonate drugs and you should know that there is a risk of future severe complications that might happen with oral surgical treatment. Jaw bones usually heal themselves very well and maintain their normal health. Bisphosphonate drugs seem to affect the ability of jaw bones to break down ore remodel themselves, and this interferes with the jaw's ability to heal itself. This risk is increased after surgery, especially tooth extractions, gum surgery, implant replacement or other "invasive" procedures that might cause even mild trauma to bone. Necrosis (dying cells) or osteonecrosis (dying bone cells) may result, and an infection may occur in the soft tissue and/or bone. This is a long-term process that destroys the jawbone that is often very hard or even impossible to get rid of.
* The decision to stop bisphosphonate drug therapy before dental treatment will not lessen the risk of developing osteonecrosis.
* Even with the precautions we take, there may be delayed healing, necrosis of the jaw bone, loss of bone and soft tissues, infection, fracture of the jaw due to a medical condition, oral-cutaneous fistula (open draining wounds), or other significant complications.
* If osteonecrosis should occur, treatment may be long and difficult. You might need ongoing intensive therapy that could include hospitalization, taking antibiotics for a long time, and removal of dead bone. Reconstructive surgery may be needed, including bone grafting, metal plates and screws, and/or skin flaps and grafts.
* Even if there are no mediate complications from the proposed dental treatment, the area is always subject to breakdown by itself at any time and infection due to unstable condition of the bone. Even the smallest trauma from a toothbrush, chewing hard food, or denture sores may set off a complication.

How's that sound? I know they have to do the whole "worse case scenario" thing, but really? Maybe that's why by BP was 179/106 when I got there. I asked Dr. P at the time, if it would do any good to not take it for awhile before the surgery. Nope. It has a half life of 10 years, and he said taking one pill was enough to cause any of the aforementioned complications. Well, I came home and tossed the 2 I had left anyway.

To top it all off I had read an article in Good Housekeeping in the July 2011 issue called "Broken", which was an article about bisphosphonates and how it's being way overused, that doctors are prescribing it willy nilly and not all women are benefitting from it. It also can cause spontaneous femur fractures in people who take it, and there were stories about a few women who just stood up or got out of their car and their femur just broke. Not what I need to hear.

Well, that was my day. Lunch with Gale and Pete tomorrow - at Big Fred's. I'll be having the soup, thank you very much. Sigh.

The Weekend is uh oh ver...

2011-08-14T22:59:00.000-05:00

Storms on their way in tonight. Yes, it does suck to be me. Start out feeling good and then kind of wimp out through the day. I made the chicken enchhilada filling today and Steve put them together. They were pretty good Mom and Bob came over for dinner, and then mom looked at the slides that Mike had touched up, so that was kind of fun. Told mom she better hold on to her jawbones since she's been taking Alendrenate also. Bad stuff, according to the oral surgeon and it has a 10-year half-life, so it doesn't even matter if you quit taking it That sucks.

I'm really tired tonight. Already had my ambien, so, I think I'll be out before too long! I hope all my peeps, you know who you are - had a great weekend. Next on the menu is going to be chicken fajitas, but not until my jaw has healed. I could use some good luck and prayers that nothing bad happens and no infections show up after the extraction. Hey! I'd do it for you!!

Later!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2011-08-13T22:33:00.003-05:00

All in all, yesterday was a good day. I totally spaced off that I had to be dad's chauffeur for a doctor's appointment, and he called to wake me up at 9:30 for his 10:30 appointment, but I just tossed on some clothes and we made it without too many laws being broken. I thank God every time I have to go to dad's house for the Dodge Expressway. Dr. G was very pleased with dad's good mood and that he seemed to be doing a bit better. I am too, I think. When he has good days and acts like dad again, it's hard to know that he'll be moving to a nursing home in the pretty near future. I feel like the bad daughter when I think about it.

While we were still at the doctor, my friend Nancy called and asked if I wanted to meet for lunch at Big Fred's at 1:30. Great idea! I had a couple ideas I wanted to run by her, to see if she'd be willing to volunteer with me in keeping grave sites clean and maybe restoring stones if families requested it. Steve got off at 1:00, so he met us there, and Nancy brought her husband, Craig, so we had a really good lunch. Spent 2 hours talking about genealogy and cemetery cleaning, and all that good stuff. Dad has wanted to go to Big Fred's for lunch too, but we got done at the clinic before noon and I didn't want to sit there that long - so I took him to Bronco's and he was happy with that. It kind of irritates me that Missy was home all day yesterday, but she couldn't take him - at least take him to my house. It's 30 miles round trip and my husband/boyfriend/whatever doesn't put gas in my car or pay my repair bills if the car breaks down. (Okay, that's a moot point since I have a 100,000 mile warranty, but you get my drift.) When I got home, I called India and we had a good chat - and that was the end of the good part of the day.

By 6 o'clock yesterday the aches had hit me pretty bad and my left wrist was so sore I couldn't hardly move my fingers. I haven't had that kind of joint pain for a while, and I haven't missed it. Then the rest of the body aches set in and that was the end of me for the rest of the day. I spent the rest of the night trying to get comfortable. Took my Ambien at 11 and was still wide awake at 1:30, just very uncomfortable.

This morning I woke up feeling pretty good. Folded 3 laundry baskets full of clothes and put them away and was thinking about going to the store when I felt the first aches coming on. I jumped in the shower, only to find that it hurt like heck when the water hit my skin, that may have been the shortest shower - ever, but I did take one! Steve power washed the house today, it really really needed it - and it looks much better. I thought I might run to the store and then make chicken enchiladas for dinner, but thinking about it was as far as it went. I ended up sleeping or laying down most of the day. I finally got up about dinner, but still don't feel worth a darn.

We did decide to go to the grocery store after Steve ate, that was kind of creepy. We stopped to get some gas and noticed there was a lot of traffic on 90th Street, and when we got to the store, I wasn't sure I wanted to get out of the When we came out, the parking lot was clear, but the traffic was at a standstill as far as we could see on 90th Street - I wonder what was going on. We went to McDonald's for an ice cream cone and by the time we came back home, 90th was clear. Odd. If I had been alone, I'm not sure I would have gone in the store, it was very unsettling since I've been hearing all kinds of news about the flash mobs and the riots that went on at the Wisconsin State Fair.

Kind of sad Magann didn't call me about shopping today, although I don't think I could have worked up the energy to go. I'll have to call her tomorrow, because I really want to make the gift bags for Hailey's party, even if I have to buy the stuff. I'm feeling disconnected from Hails since I don't see her very much any more. Part of it's probably just plain old jealousy because I think she sees Magann's parents a lot more, but I'm really happy they love her so much. Talk about conflicted feelings. I just want Hailey to be happy - that's what counts!

Meg and Jason can't keep the dog they found. As a matter of fact, they took him to the pound yesterday. Their idiot landlord wouldn't let them have him. She said he's get too big. Glad she's such an expert on dogs (not). It's none of my business, except I love dogs so much and he was so sweet and affectionate, just a good dog that somebody dumped, who would have had a good home with Jason and Meg. It's not like the dog could possibly do any damage to that house either. It's a pit, which Meg and Jason are trying hard to fix up to make it habitable by someone other than college kids. The paint in the living room was horrifying and it's such a tiny house with a tiny yard... Anything that dog could have done in that house would have been an improvement, including chewing through the walls. Their landlord would best be considered a slumlord, IMHO.

There you go. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm trying to get to bed early tonight in hopes I'll feel better tomorrow. I'd like to make it to breakfast for a change. Something other than mini-wheats would be a good change.

Oh, oh, oh....

2011-08-12T00:35:00.000-05:00

Found a cool site on FB the other night and spent half the night reading about it. Might be able to do volunteer work maintaining grave sites. I think there might be some income potential here, but Steve would have to do the majority of the stuff. Don't know how much actual physical stuff I can do, but it doesn't sound half bad. I have to just get up in the morning when Steve does instead of sleeping all my energy and pain free (ha ha ha), I mean relatively pain free time in the beginning of the day. Nancy and Craig invited me to go with them to work on a cemetery near Woodbine, IA, on Saturday, but I'm supposed to go with Magann to get supplies and stuff for Hailey's birthday and I told her I'd do the gift bags, so not sure if I can make it or not. I HAD planned on having lunch with Nancy tomorrow, but that ain't gonna happen with dad's doctor's appointment at 10:30. She could probably give me some good advice. I'll have to see how I'm feeling and whether or not this is going to be a viable interest. More work than photos, but I haven't been doing that either. I need to get out and do SOMETHING, it might as well be something I enjoy.

Happy day, but a little frustrating

2011-08-12T00:28:00.000-05:00

Happy Day because I didn't have to get my tooth pulled today. I still have to have it done, but Dr. P., said he wouldn't do it unless I had sedation because it's a pretty bad tooth and since it's already had a couple root canals done and there's not much actual tooth to grasp, he's afraid it's going to break and come out in pieces and he's worried about problems with the bone, so it's scheduled for next Wednesday. I feel much better knowing that it's going to be done under sedation. Too bad I have to have it done at all. I blame my mother for my rotten teeth, she had horrible teeth herself and looked like a horse until she got her dentures when I was a baby - and seriously, I don't remember having a toothbrush around when I was growing up. Seriously. Never went to the dentist unless we had a toothache and didn't have regular checkups. I'm sure my mom would remember differently though. Once in school we got these dental hygiene kits and you chewed this red tablet and then brushed your teeth and then looked to see where your teeth were still red, so you'd know where you had to brush again or spend more time brushing. I was enthralled with that toothbrush and that's when I really learned to brush my teeth and try to take care of them. Thanks mom, for everything. And I just have to say it, Dr. P. isn't too bad to look at. Nice to have eye candy for an oral surgeon... I'm just sayin'.

Tuesday dad had an appointment with Dr. Green, which no one could take him to, so I had called the VA and rescheduled his appointment for Friday at 10:30 I told Mel and Missy both that I was getting this tooth taken care of today, so one of them would have to take him. So... Guess who's taking dad to the doctor tomorrow? That's right -- ME. I'd like to tell them to forget it, but of course they had dad call me to ask if I'd take him - three frigging times. I missed his first 2 calls and the 3rd time I my phone was at Meg's because I forgot my purse over there. I called him back and told him I'd take him and he wanted to know where I had been this afternoon. I reminded him again that I had had a dental appointment. He apologized for bothering me and told me he forgot - of course he did, he has dementia. I have no idea why no one else ~~conveniently~~ forgot. I'm really trying not to be ticked off about this, and I didn't call either one of them about it - yet. Oh, and did I mention he was calling from HIS PHONE? The one nobody was going to let him have back? I guess this whole idea of all of us making decisions together is too inconvenient when I'm not doing something for everyone else. This is why when Mel and Missy got so mad at me a couple months ago because I allegedly don't "do" enough for dad, I wasn't too upset to hear they didn't need me and were going to do everything themselves. Yeah, that lasted about 3 days until they needed me to do something and then we had to work together for "dad's sake". And I'm a stupid fool because I thought maybe we were going to work on stuff together. Ha ha ha... You know, I'm the one that's supposed to be leading by example and doing the "right thing" to help them out. Of course I'd be the biggest bitch in the world if I ask why Mel could take 3 days off work while dad was in the hospital, but can't take time off to take him to the doctor. It doesn't matter what I do, it's going to be the wrong thing. I'm pretty sure they're expecting me to be the one to tell dad that he's going to the VA home too. It'll be just like the time "we" talked to him about going to the Norfolk home. I did all the talking while Missy and Mel stood there with their arms crossed like they didn't agree with what I was saying and didn't way one freaking word. Not doing it again. I'm not the one who has to live with him, am I? They throw that back in my face often enough I ought to toss it right back. I know they think I just sit around all day playing computer games, oh, wait, that was Amber... Pretty sure they all think the same thing and I'm pretty damn tired of worrying and trying to do what's best for dad and having everyone agree with me and then blow everything off. It was almost a month ago I said I thought maybe dad should be getting more socialization, going back to SarahCare at least for the time the VA would pay for (two days a week, but hey, better than nothing). The doctor agreed, Mel agreed, Missy agreed - and dad still hasn't gone anywhere. Mel was going to check with ENOA, which she finally did, but then they had to do some BS and they were going to call her back, blah, blah, blah... Meanwhile, dad sits at home and everybody gets frustrated because of his behavior or lack thereof, and when he pulls some stupid ass prank like drinking antifreeze, I'm the one they're going to call. Again. Am I the only person who can see a pattern here?

One more little rant and I'm done. It's 30 miles from my house to dad's and back. So tomorrow I'm going to leave my house and drive to dad's to get him, then back past my house to the VA, then back past my house again to take him back home and then back home. About 70 miles in total and for the FIRST time, I'm going to ask dad for gas money. He's covered the gas bill, electric bill, and paid for groceries because no one ever has any money and I've never taken a frigging dime, but enough is enough. He can give me $20 for gas, and if he wants to go out to lunch, he can pay for that too. My time is worth just as much as anybody else's in the family.

I'm pretty sure that by the time I get to this blog at night and write how I feel that I'm pretty much the biggest bitch in the world. I hate that. I am happy and I do have good friends that I have a good time with, but this shadow of dad and all the shit that goes on with him really overshadows everything - although I don't do anything for him... A little understanding from my spouse might be nice too. He did take the afternoon off work to go to the oral surgeon with me, but he told me work has been boring lately and there hasn't been anything to do anyway. Gee, thanks.

We went over to Meg and Jason's tonight and moved Meg's bed to the new house. I wonder if they're ever going to get moved. I can't stand to be in transition for days and days. When I move, I want to move and be done with it.

Some other really good news is that Meg and Jason found a dog. I mean, this dog literally showed up at their old house tonight and wouldn't leave. He kept jumping up in the truck and didn't want to get out. He's a very nice dog, I think maybe a pitt and Boxer mix. They asked around the neighborhood and a lady down the street said she had been taking care of him for about a week, but he wasn't her dog, he just showed up one night. He's a real sweetie, but very afraid of the leash. He had no collar or tags, so Meg used the leash in a slip knot to use as a collar/leash combination and as soon as he put it over his head he just lay down in the grass and wouldn't move. Just absolutely refused to move an inch with it on, and he was very submissive. Makes me wonder if someone had hurt him. He didn't have any marks on him, but he definitely has a story. When they brought my purse back to our house they still hadn't decided on a name for him. Brittany wants to call him "Bob", but Meg refused. She told Britt her grandpa's name is Bob and she wasn't going to name her dog the same thing. I think they should call him "JD" for "Just Dog", but they weren't sure about that. He really likes Jason and followed him around the house like a... Well, like a puppy! They can have dogs in their new house, so I hope it works out for all involved.

I guess that's all the complaining I can do for one night. ha ha ha.... Things will be better tomorrow, right? RIGHT?

Well today sucked - except for ONE thing!

2011-08-10T21:08:00.001-05:00

One thing was great! The VA in Grand Island called about dad. Woo hoo! Maybe we'll be all done with this crap sooner rather than later. I have to call his lawyer tomorrow; he wants more money. We just gave him $500 and as far as I can tell, he hasn't done a damn thing. He never sends out itemized bills either. BS. I need to tell him that if dad... No, WHEN dad goes into the nursing home, his gravy train is going to be derailed. Dad will only have $229 a month for personal expenses. BTW, Dad got a notice today that one of his many creditors is suing him for credit card debt... What the heck ever... I suppose when you haven't paid any bills because you can't get the damn bankruptcy attorney you hired (and paid a retainer to) to call you back and you haven't made a payment on anything in a year they're getting unhappy. Oh well. Let them put a lien on the house. Ha ha ha... There ya go, Pam! I have no idea why Missy called me about it - I guess just to tell me. It's not like I've got a spare 100 grand sitting around to take care of his bills with.

Went to see Dr. E., the orthopod today. I have to have the hardware removed from my right ankle. Great news, huh? Shit, is what I think. I have to stay pretty much off my feet for a week, pretty sure my house will go to HELL during that week. It would be nice to think Steve would take care of things, but I have a feeling when I'm able to get out of bed there will be dishes stacked to the ceiling, just waiting for me to feel better. I tried to get some styrofoam plates at the store last week and he got all pissed off - probably because he was paying for them. He wanted to know why we were getting them and I told him I don't usually feel good enough to do the dishes and he won't do the dishes. I put them back, under protest. Hell, if I lived by myself all I'd need is a spoon and a bowl. I could live on cereal. Isn't my life a freaking sideshow?

He's mad at me right now and not talking because I told him he didn't need to add 1/4 of a cup of olive oil to 2 cups of cooked spaghetti. He asked me if I wanted to do it. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I know it wasn't nice. His martyr act gets pretty old. For some reason tonight I was remembering one night when we got into a fight at the dinner table about some stupid thing. Neither one of the kids were home and he was ragging about something when I just snapped. I swear.. I'm giggling like an idiot as I type this... I just picked up my glass of water and tossed the water right in his face. OMG! LOL! I wish I had a picture of his face at that exact minute. I don't even know what possessed me to do such a thing, but it was funnier than hell. I've never done such a thing before or since, but I have to admit it felt pretty damn good that time!

Tomorrow is wisdom tooth extraction day. Whoopee. Steve's taking the afternoon off to take me. What a guy, right? I was reading the website for the doctor the other day and it said that all the nurses are trained in Advanced Life Support and there is a nurse for every room, and everyone else is traibed in Basic Life Support. Then it hit me - am I supposed to be comforted by that? Actually, it had quite the opposite effect! I don't want to think of anyone having to use either one while I'm at the damn DENTIST!!! I don't know why I'm such a chicken turd about my mouth, but I am. I HATE having shots in the mouth, I HATE the thought of having a tooth pulled, and I HATE the fact that tomorrow at this time I'm probably going to feel like dog crap. Maybe I should just have them sedate me, but that creeps me out too. I don't want sedation in a dentist's office. Okay, so he's an oral surgeon and not a plain old "dentist", but still. It's just not right. Of course the good part is if they knock you out, you just wake up when it's over. (Hopefully.) The bad part of Novocaine are the shots, the pressure, the cracking... Oh hell, I might just get sick thinking about it. WTF.

Then I start thinking about this leg thing. Dr. E asked me if I wanted a spinal or light general. Are you freaking KIDDING me?!?! Nobody is ever going to mess with my spine again! I thought that epidural with Matt was going to kill me, and they want me to let some joker inject crap into my spine again. Oh HELL no. I'll go with the "light" general, thanks. Does "light" mean low calorie? What? Which brings me back to the tooth - hopefully I'll lose a couple (50) pounds or so while I can't eat. Which brings me to another question, just what the hell am I going to eat? I can't see Steve whipping up some mashed potatoes just for me. Pudding maybe. Or ice cream - yum... There go those 50 pounds... Damn. He better make it Breyer's, if we have to go the ice cream route.

Okay, back to the leg. It shouldn't take too long, right? Cut it open, use a drill, remove the screws (I think there are 9 or 10), sew it up. How long can that take? Maybe they can just give me a bullet to bite on and I'Ill save a couple grand on anesthesia. I wish Dr. E still went to Immanuel, I love the anesthesiologist over there - Dr. Drobny. He knows how freaked out I get with those "light" general things when they put stuff over my face. Hopefully, this anesthesiologist will get the idea. I need to get the walker from dad - he doesn't use it anyway. Crutches just kill my shoulders. I'm kind of paranoid about getting this plate removed. I can't tell you how many times I've twisted my ankle since I broke it, I think the plate is all that saved me from breaking it again, so now I'll be paranoid about it, which will just make me more clumsy. Oh hell... Whatever happens, happens.

I gave Cookie a bath tonight. Poor girl. I HAD to, she smelled like Casey Anthony's car - death, in case you didn't know the story. She smelled awful! So, I gave her a bath. She still smells awful, but now she's apple-scented awful. God. Poor baby has such bad teeth - oh no, don't get me started on THAT again.

I'm going to grab my Kindle and read a bit. I've got 29 pages of books to read. Not 29 books, 29 PAGES of books, something like 232 or something close to that. Most of them were free too - polishing nails on my shirt - I'm cool like that. Last night I found a free Kindle app on my iPod, so I can read my Kindle books on there - as if... That'll make you blind for sure, and you won't have much fun in the process.

Hasta la bye bye

Fibro Sucks

2011-08-08T15:10:00.000-05:00

I had 2 bad days last week, then felt okay for a couple days, and today am in bed again! The weather has cooled off and we've had some storms and rain, so I think that might be it. Funny to think that several months ago 70 degrees was warm, but now it's cool and damp. Ugh. How are you ever supposed to learn to deal with this and maybe even TRY to predict how I'm going to feel in 24 hours? I think that's what I hate most, the unpredictable. I'ma total control freak, which has been hard to give up anyway, but sometimes it's worse than other times. Today I wanted to try to go for a walk when I got up since it's been cooler and drier, but instead when I woke up my right ankle was hurting, it feels like my leg is going to give out when I walk. Every step gives me a sharp pain all the way up the side and back of my leg. I decided to just stay hanging around in bed. I had to take a pain pill early this morning, which I hate to do because I can't fall back to sleep and get the sweats and have stupid dreams. Which is exactly what happened. I finally fell asleep about 8:15, and woke up at 8:45 to the sound of Toby retching. Then he puked and had diarrhea before I could get out of bed and get to him. I got all that cleaned up and put him in the little room, I found more poop under his blanket. So much for taking it easy! Steve came home and took care of him at lunch - no more messes, but now he's been whining all afternoon until I'm about ready to scream. I love my dog, I love my dog, I love my DOG... I hate fibro, I hate fibro, I hate FIBRO! All I want to do is have a freaking LIFE. I don't want this crap anymore. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of not being able to clean my house the way I used to, I'm tired of not being able to be the grandma I want to be with Hailey, I'm just tired of being ME. I'd like to be someone else for awhile. Please.

Cindy and I got a chance to visit last night. I hadn't talked to her in awhile. I miss my friends and doing stuff when I feel like it. One year Cindy and I went to Lauritzen Gardens and took photos of the flowers. It was so much fun. I can't even imagine doing that now. Well, maybe on a good day, when I have one, which is pretty darn seldom, and then only maybe. I haven't taken any pictures this summer. No graving for me. I miss it. I feel like I waited all winter so I could get out and now summer is almost over. Hell.

Dad is coming home from the hospital today. I think he's home by now. Now, we only have to make sure the followup care happens. We need to make sure he gets into a day program to keep him socialized. He's been much mellower this week, even Steve noticed last night that he seemed to be more like the old dad. He said he hadn't seen dad act like this since he moved back from Arizona, and I have to agree. He says he's still going through with this divorce and he doesn't want anything more to do with Pam, which he's said umpteen thousand times, but sounds believable this time. I told him he should write it down somewhere, so when he gets depressed and feels down about things he can see where he wrote it, in his own handwriting! I was only half-kidding.

We got the letter from the VA in Lincoln - yay! So dad is officially now on the list for admission to any one of the Nebraska Veterans Homes. We had a talk with him last spring, telling him we were going to do it and that we were going to walk away from the house, but I know he doesn't remember it, so I'm anticipating having a really hard time when the time comes, but we'll deal with that when it happens. I'm just relieved to have the decision made - at long last.

Hailey

2011-08-05T21:53:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite pics of Hailey. Taken on Matt's birthday. Nothing like Death by Chocolate cake and peanut butter ice gelato. Yum.

Someday these will be the "Good Old Days"

2011-08-05T21:48:00.000-05:00

I remember when gas went over $1.00/gal. I was living with Gene at the time and I thought we'd never get to go to Minneapolis again, or drive around like we wanted to meet up with friends, or whatever. Ha ha ha... What I would't give to have gas be $1 a gallon again! (Or to be 22 for that matter..)

Margaritaville

2011-08-04T22:42:00.001-05:00

This pool belongs to my in-law's neighbor. Wish it was theirs! I'd be a mermaid by the end of summer!

Damn! I'm a handsome bugger!

2011-08-04T22:39:00.000-05:00

Yank it out by the roots!

2011-08-03T23:19:00.000-05:00

Guess what I did today? I went to the DENTIST! Now I have wonderful pearly whites that I can show off to the world... Oh, wait, I'm getting a little carried away. Truthfully, I got my teeth cleaned, my mouth hurts like hell and I have to have a wisdom tooth pulled. Yay me. I love my dentist, well, not really love my dentist, as in I'd like to spend the rest of my life with him, but truly love him as a dentist. I've never even liked a dentist before, but Dr. T. has my true devotion. Unfortunately, the tooth that I've had two, count them, TWO, root canals on in the past needs to come out. I lost the crown the week before Hailey was born - and I carried it around in my purse thinking I would someday go to Dr. T. and get it fixed, but... Well, one thing led to another and then 18 months had gone by and I indulged in my favorite dessert from Boyd and Charlie's (a Tootsie Roll), and there went the filling. I tried willing it back into place for an evening and quite seriously was shocked that I didn't swallow it during the night, but the next morning I found that willpower will not keep a filling in place when you eat a sandwich, and that was that. Dr. T. (who knows I'm absolutely phobic about tooth extractions) told me I could just let it go because I'd had the root canal(s) and the tooth would just disappear with time. (Rot, is such a nasty word...) But, now my gums are red and tender around it and it has to come out. O-U-T, and it doesn't matter how phobic I am about dentists. To top it all off I have to go to an oral surgeon AND it's a wisdom tooth. At least Dr. T. was honest enough to tell me the pieces of tooth may break off and he didn't want to have to "dig around" (ouch) getting it out, so he needed to refer me to a specialist. Then I found out it's a wisdom tooth. Seriously? I need all the brains I can get. This could be bad. If you don't hear from me after next Thursday, it's because my wits are totally gone (the last marble rolled out of the jar, Charlie), and my passwords went with them.

Then, I went to see my dad. (Okay I DID stop at Krispy Kreme, but I only bought ONE blueberry glazed donut). His doctor (Marcel Marceau or whatever his name is) was moving him to the 10th floor at the VA, but only for a few days. Dad was a little ticked about that, but he did seem to be a little bit mellower, so I was kind of encouraged by that. I have to admit, I'd LIKE my dad to be better, so sometimes I'm suckered into thinking he's a little bit better when he really isn't, so I'm no one to judge, really... He had called last night telling me he had a "big surprise" to tell me about when I got up to see him today. Well - his big surprise is that he wanted me to call his lawyer and tell him to go ahead with the divorce. Ah huh... Well, dad, the surprise is on you because we told the lawyer a month or so ago that this divorce is going to go on.

Dammit all to hell... I just lost some wonderful writing... I hate this laptop. Now I have to wait until morning to try and get this mojo going again because I'm too tired to give it another go. Damn you, ctrl+z. I hate you.

Adios amigos.

Name that emotion...

2011-08-02T00:55:00.000-05:00

Dad got his phone back last night, and pulled another today took his Lantus 5 hours early, sneaking it from Missy because he said he was depressed. Sigh. What was this? Another suicide gesture? An attention grabbing stunt for Pam because he got his phone back yesterday? Before I go on, I have to say I don't think I could handle dad's antics. I know how difficult it is for Mel, no, I don't think I could do a better job... Well, the point is, I CAN'T do a better job, no matter what I think. Okay, let me go back to the beginning...

Mel called me when she got home from work tonight to tell me that dad and Missy had been outside having a cigarette and dad went in before Missy. When she got done with her cigarette, he was standing next to the refrigerator trying to hide his insulin syringe. She asked him what he was doing and he said he had just taken his insulin. She asked him why - apparently, it hasn't gotten through to her that dad doesn't know why he does things - he has no impulse control, which is why I guess thinking he was going to "learn" anything from taking away his phone was pretty stupid on our part. How stupid were we? So, to make a long story short, within 45 minutes Mel was hysterically crying and yelling at dad and God only knows what Missy was doing. I called the 24-hour Nurse line at VA to see if taking this dose of insulin was going to cause any problems for him, but the nurse I talked to said she was more worried about dad's mental health. I called Mel back and asked if she thought dad needed to go to the hospital. Yes, she did, so I called Cindy back and she did some triaging to get dad admitted to the VA through the ER. I called Mel back to let her know. Again more screaming and yelling with dad going on in the background, she said he wouldn't go and refused to get in the car. Fuck. I told her I'd call 911. Pardon me while I laugh at the notion the police were going to be of any help to us...

The squad came and then the police came and the officers told Mel there was nothing they could do. Who cares if this was possibly a third suicide attempt in a little over a year, the second one in a month? He didn't want to go, he didn't have to go. Great. The female officer finally kept talking with dad long enough to think he was a danger to himself and she said they would transport him to the VA - since that's who I had talked to. Stupid me. The male officer refused to EPC dad, but finally agreed to take him in and EPC him. Big FAT LIAR.

I got a call from the M3 about 8:30, since dad is so healthy and we had him taken to the ER, and there was NO EPC hold on him, they were thinking of releasing him to the family. Oh hell no. I talked to her for almost half an hour trying to explain the things that are going on with dad. She said she'd talk to her attending and then call me back. Well, she never called me back, but dad called a little after midnight, telling me he had been admitted and was "probably" going to be able to come home tomorrow afternoon. Great.

In the meantime, I had talked to Mel who told me she's going to ask Marc for the money to move out because she can't do this anymore. Which I would understand, except she and dad had a great weekend and everything was great. Sometimes I feel like someone in the Exorcist, my head must be spinning between is she going to go, or is she going to stay? It changes daily, sometimes hourly, I swear. I understand it's a struggle, but when one day she says she'd never leave until dad gets into a nursing home and the next day she says she's not staying, what the HELL am I supposed to believe? What exactly am I supposed to depend on, is she going to be there to help or not? Missy had called her and said, "I guess I need to keep a closer eye on dad". Well, no shit, Sherlock! What gave you your first clue? Maybe the conversation we had 2 weeks ago when I said she had to stop sleeping until noon and really WATCH dad and keep an eye on him because you can't trust him for five minutes by himself. Of course the days she managed to be there last week, she slept until noon almost every day and left dad on his own while she slept. Or let him to to Boyd and Charlie's for dinner and left her number for them to call when he was done eating and found him trying to walk home? Would you let a 4-year-old child spend an evening alone in a diner to take care of himself and have the wait staff call you when he's done?

And the freaking cop that wouldn't EPC dad... Grrrrrr. I tried to call the assembly about 4 times tonight and got no answer, even when it should have been shift change. I'll call again tomorrow. I'm so stressed all I want to do is cry - which gets me nowhere since Steve could give a shit less about the entire thing. I know I'm going to be paying for this bullshit for days. And to top it all off... Tomorrow I have to go to the dentist. Does it get any better? So, I'm sad, mad, hurt, lonely, irritated and stupefied by all this crap.

Mel told me after all this happened, she went upstairs and Missy was curling her hair so she could go to Tony's birthday party. Glad this whole thing affected her so much. Where is that girl's BRAIN? Is anyone even sure she freaking has one??'

And I went off on Mel too, about how it would be nice if that skanky bitch that dad used to be married to (namely our beloved mother) would give up on the money she's still getting from him. Dad NEEDS it, and the only reason she wants it is because every month she can again feel like she's screwing dad over again. Selfish bitch. Times like this piss me off at her even more than the Queen of Bitches usually does. She's so full of unhelpful advice I can't stand it. Give back the money or shut the fuck up, mother dear. You're beginning to annoy the hell out of me.

Must sleep.

Ruger

2011-07-30T23:01:00.000-05:00

Forgot to mention that Ruger got out tonight. Must've been when the missionaries left, even though Steve and I didn't see him get out. About 45 minutes after we left, Steve heard Buttercup barking and when he went out to check on what she was going on about and he found Ruger sitting on the front porch barking and waiting to get in. Apparently, he wasn't barking his usual bark, but Steve said he sounded kind of scared. I'm so thankful he's okay. It was dark out and we live on a relatively busy street, although it's not a major street - it's the main street that goes through the subdivision - so there is more traffic in front of the house and the back and side. I'm glad he didn't get hit by a car or something out there in the big, bad world outside the house. Poor Ruger...

Saturday is a special day...

2011-07-30T22:49:00.000-05:00

Primary song that I have in my head today like an earwig. Haven't taught primary for years, so I "hope" this isn't some sort of omen!

The missionaries came over for dinner, Elder Gardner and Elder F... I can't for the life of me pronounce his last name. I think his family is originally from Tonga, although he lives in Sydney, Australia. They ended up staying until after 9 o'clock, but we had a fabulous discussion about Oz, and he learned a lot about the US. He had one brother who served a mission in Sacramento, CA; and another who served a mission in Auckland, New Zealand, but he really didn't know a lot about the United States. He said he and his friends thought Portland, and Los Angeles were states in the US, not cities and he was absolutely astounded by the size of Alaska and its proximity to Russia We talked a little about illegal immigration and he wondered about the relationship with the US to it's bordering countries. Living on an island his whole life, the idea of having other countries bordering ours is really interesting to him. He talked a bit about immigration and how stringent Australia is about letting people move there. He said even if someone from Australia marries a citizen of another country and they move back to Oz, they'll be closely monitored by the government, their phone calls, e-mail, everything. Interesting. I hate the idea of a "big brother" government, but to be more safe from terrorism and not have the immigration problem we have here now... Who has the better government? I can see there are a lot of pros and cons on either side. I had no idea they were so strict there though. Wow. Looking forward to talking with him again in the future. Elder Gardner's father is some kind of assistant governor in New Mexico and he knew quite a bit about New Mexico's government is run, that was interesting too. Their governor is not paid a salary, they're paid per diem, and after a certain length of time (I think he said 10 years), they can BUY into a retirement plan from the state. Nice. Maybe they work harder when they don't get paid for just sitting on their lazy butt!

Anyway, I'd like to get to church tomorrow. I also want to try to get out to talk to my sisters tomorrow night when (hopefully) Missy will be home. I think we all need to be able to tell dad the same thing when he brings up the phone issue, among other things. I had some kind of brainstorm when I was laying down this afternoon, all this time we've been trying to achieve the same purpose, but obviously haven't been going at it the same way. I was worried yesterday when Mel got so mad at dad and left the doctor's office. Dad said, "I love you" as she was storming out the door and he was upset that she didn't answer him. Dr. Greene pointed out that it's not good to anyone to communicate like that - which I'm sure we all know, but putting things into practice isn't as easy as it sounds. I know he's not going to remember the things we tell him, and I wonder if writing a letter to him that he can keep to remind him that we love him and we're making decisions for his own good would help. I think it may. I remember when we were little and dad would discipline us and he'd say "This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you", and now as a parent, I know it probably did. Well, now the roles are reversed and we have to look out for his welfare, even if we have to tell him about the letter from Dr. Lyons saying he cannot make decisions for himself. We've never really told him that before and I think that part might make him angry - but we're not going to continue fighting about the phone. It's gone. It's over. End of story. Every single time we have a discussion about the phone all he can say is, "Why? Why? Why?", like a child questioning authority. You don't go into a heated "discussion" with a 2-year-old child about why they can't play in the street. They just don't understand, they don't have the ability to understand and that's where we are and we ALL have to realize that. We'll see.

Favorite photo of the day...

Dereaming....

2011-07-29T23:33:00.000-05:00

The other day I started myself on a prednisone taper. I figured I'd be having odd dreams - and I wasn't wrong. I wonder about dreams sometimes anyway, where do those ideas come from?

The first odd dream I had included some old friends of mine from before I was married the first time. One of them even passed away about 4 years ago and I hadn't even spoken to him for about 30 years. Kind of odd that I would even have him be in a dream, wouldn't you think? I don't remember the whole dream, but it had something to do with going on a trip. Just odd.

Last night I dreamed that a girl I used to work with at the police station and I were going to an offsite to pick up some mail or something, but the offsite was my grandparents old duplex - that's been gone for 40 years. Once we went inside there were some policemen I recognized but can't remember their names and then one that I do know who has retired. I always wake up from these dreams thinking "What the hell was that about?" Why do you dream about people you "know", but aren't friends with and don't have any interaction with on a regular basis? Have to wonder what goes on in our memory, don't you? Sometimes when I dream things they're actually old memories that I can remember when I wake up, I remember places and doing things that I had forgotten - I can understand that, but other times? My grandma used to call nightmares "night hawks". I don't know why she called them that, but she did. She wouldn't let me eat cereal before bed because she said I'd have "night hawks" if I did. She had some funny ideas - and I didn't have any cereal the past 2 nights!

Something else that I think is strange, whenever I dream about my mom and dad, they're always still married - or at least still together. I never have dreams where Pam or Fred (mom's husband) appear, just mom and dad together. I never thought mom and dad would stay together, I always had the feeling they would end up divorced, so I don't think I was "traumatized" by the whole thing, so I feel like them always being together when I dream about them is creepy.

Oh well, enough analysis for tonight. I've already taken my Ambien so I probably won't even remember typing this tomorrow. Since I got home so late from taking dad to the doctor today I didn't take any prednisone, so we'll see what bizarre dreams I have (or not) tonight.

See you in my dreams (Bwa ha ha....)

How to make 5 hours seem like 5 days...

2011-07-29T23:18:00.000-05:00

Hmmmm. Steve came upstairs and I thought he was coming to bed, so I cut short my very interesting and funny conversation with my sister of the soul, India - I'm talking about you - and then he went back downstairs. Well hell. I guess this is one way to get me to write in my blog!

Today dad had an appointment at the VA. Oy... I don't mind taking him to the doctor, I really don't, I actually LIKE to take him, because then I know what's going on with him, health-wise, but today was quite literally the... POOPS. I won't go into detail, suffice it to say that dad came home in a diaper and 2 hospital gowns, because apparently the VA doesn't know men wear anything other than a size medium PJ pants. Quite interesting. Thankfully, since I have cloth car seats, we all came out of the situation unscathed. Except for dad's dignity, I think that was bruised a bit.
Dr. Greene thinks his shin pain are shin splints, possibly caused by mineral deficiencies. I'm open to suggestions. She did more bloodwork to double check and hopefully we'll hear soon. His HgA1c was higher than last time. He was a perfect 6.0 in April, but it's up to 7.3 now. Working on getting dad to drink more water that keeps his blood diluted enough that his blood sugar stays on the higher end of normal, which is as good as we can hope for by now.

It was just a really busy day. Dr. Greene was running behind, dad and I were late getting to the hospital because we had to stop at SW precinct for dad's billfold, which was with Mel at the VA already because we didn't get the message that she'd meet us there. Dad took his insulin without eating anything because Missy didn't wake up until noon and didn't fix anything for him, but dad was worried about missing the insulin. He doesn't remember that he HAS to eat when he takes the insulin. Thankfully he didn't get hypoglycemic, although I would have shared my lunch with him if he had. I had an Almond Joy for lunch (and breakfast - one half for each meal). I had a water chaser too, that was special. No pain pills either, until 5:45 p.m. Maybe that's what made the day so long. Mel and dad got into it about his phone (yes, again.... Wait, maybe it's still....) She left for a job interview for a part time job on that note. It has to be so hard to live with him when he's so difficult. I know I couldn't deal with it on a day to day basis. When I took dad home this afternoon Missy told me that dad went to a neighbor's house and used his phone to call Pam last night. I'm not pointing fingers, believe me, but how did he manage to get out of the house to even go to the neighbors? He makes it so difficult to keep an eye on him.

I'm anxious to hear from the VA to find out about whether dad got on the admission list or not. I seriously don't know what we're going to do if he didn't. We, and that includes me, just can't give him the kind of care he needs - and we sure as hell don't have the money to pay for a regular nursing home. He would HAVE to sell the house before he could be eligible for Medicaid and then where would he live while waiting to be placed? I'd love to say we could find room for him here - well to be honest, we COULD find room for him here, but I know I can't take care of him by myself and Steve, yeah, oh boy, Steve. That's the biggest fly in the ointment. He doesn't like dad and doesn't make any bones about it, so he probably wouldn't even LET dad stay here, even if my health would allow me to be able to care for him.

Another little incident happened this week too, dad went to Boyd and Charlie's for dinner. Apparently Missy took him over there and dropped him off (does anyone understand what dementia means?) and left her phone number with someone at the restaurant so they could call when dad was done with dinner and she'd come pick him up. Well, nobody called until they noticed dad was gone, so when Missy found him he was about 2 blocks from there, shuffling alone, in 100 degree heat. Can you feel the frustration? If I say anything to either one of the sisters, then they get mad at me and tell me if I can do better to go ahead and do it, which they know I can't, so we're back at square one, only no one is talking to anyone. I'm not bringing these things up as a criticism of my sisters personally, just staying that dad requires more care than he can get at home. Period. Something needs to be done before he gets hurt. Worse.

I have to wonder what his darling wife had to say to him yesterday. Wonder if she even noticed he hadn't called her for a couple weeks. Probably not. I told Mel today that maybe we need to stop making the house payment to pay for someone to come in during the day to be with dad. Can't make the house payment and get someone to come in both, there just isn't enough money - so it has to be one or the other. What do people do in situations like this? I'm sure my dad isn't the only person in the country who can't afford nursing home care or in home care and still be able to afford living expenses. I sure feel like we're the only people dealing with this though.

I'd like to end this on a happier note, but there just isn't one today. Well, I did get to come home and Steve fixed dinner AND took care of the dishes. I guess that's a pretty happy note. La la la la la.... Ben missed me while I was gone too. Poor little guy, I took a pain pill and we tried to nap before dinner. I'm so glad I have him - he's my best buddy.

My funny photo of the day - doesn't Matt look like a Conehead?

Stardate... um... never mind that nonsense

2011-07-27T22:08:00.001-05:00

It actally has been a good week as far as family stuff goes. Sunday night Matt, Magann, and Hailey came over for dinner. Hailey can put me in a good mood, no matter what else is going on. She went shopping with Matt to get a "fimmin' nulu", which in Haileyspeak is a swimming noodle. LOL! I wish I had a swimming pool. Might ask Dr. Seitz for a new rx for aquatic therapy and go again. Don't have any reason not to go now, I'm not watching Hailey anymore. I guess every cloud has a silver lining. I'd like to join the health club up at Immanuel again. That's a lot closer, but just don't have the $$ to go. I was thinking I might have the money to do it in August, but probably not since I gave Matt my cell phone money bill this month for his attorney. Oops. Well... That's what mother's are for, right? I couldn't tell you from experience, since my mother wouldn't give me the time of day, let alone money, but that's what I think a good mom should do. It's not like I was giving him money to go on a cruise or something, it's for Hails.

Last night Meg and Jason came over for dinner. Meg used the Cricut do so some stuff for Webolos while I took a nap. Jason also got a nap in, in the frigid basement. I guess he's more comfortable down there, but I would have felt bad if he had gotten frostbite. It's wicked cold down there - in my opinion. Steve brought home chicken and the worst potato salad we've ever had from Baker's. The chicken was great, though. I can't remember the last time I got to see both my kids and their families in the same week. It was nice.

Fibro-wise this week absolutely SUCKS. I was in bed all day Monday, napped while Meg was here yesterday because I felt so tired, and today I slept for awhile after lunch. I think it's kind of odd when you have to nap 2 hours after you wake up, but I guess that's life when you have this crap. Today I took things into my own hands and started a prednisone taper. I took 15 mg today, in a couple days I'll go to 10 mg, and then back to 5 mg, and see how I feel. I do feel a little better this evening, but I took the prednisone after 3 p.m., so I'm wondering how that's going to affect my sleep. I usually have very bizarre dreams if I take it that late, but if it works, it will be worth it.

Another good thing was that I didn't have to go to Scottsbluff for the VA admission committee meeting. Dad's Veteran's Service Officer agreed to testify in dad's behalf. Whew. I really don't think I could have made it this week, I really don't. Eight hours is just too long to sit and drive, and with a meeting tomorrow morning at 8:30 and then the drive home again I can just about guarantee being in bed for the entire weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed and saying lots of prayers that things go in our favor tomorrow - for a change. Missy has had a migraine for 5 of the last 7 days and I imagine Mel is about at the end of her rope between dad and Sleeping Beauty. I know I get frustrated when she can sit up all night drinking margaritas with her friend, yet has such a headache she can't take care of dad the next day. That's not a migraine, that's a hangover - which probably went into a migraine, since she's not supposed to drink alcohol. Then after recuperating (sleeping) for 2 or so days, she's on the phone whooping it up and laughing with someone and then half an hour later has to go to the hospital for a shot. I don't get it. When I have a regular headache I hate to laugh or talk loud because my head hurts so bad. I tried to talk to her last week abot how she can't sleep all day when she's supposed to be watching dad - hello, did he not just drink antifreeze while sitting right next to her? Oh, she knows, she told me she won't to that anymore. She'll always be up with him and making sure he goes to Sarah Care. He hasn't been to SC since he got out of the hospital and that was one of the conditions of his release. Yes, I know I'm being a witch because I won't drive a 30 mile round trip to take him to SC. He is supposed to me Missy's responsibility during the day - and we've ALL agreed to that. If she can't do it, it's HER responsibility to find someone else. Mel asked her to be home on Sunday night at 5, so Mel could go to work and get time entered and Missy told her she's absolutely be there. Yeah, she came home Monday afternoon. I just get frustrated. Probably shouldn't think about it since stress is a literally a pain with fibro, which nobody in my family gets. That's for another rant on another day.

India sent me the name of a company that hires disabled people to work part time and they keep your wages under the $1000 a month mark - where you'd lose your benefits. Maybe I should look into that. Maybe I wouldn't be so bored if I weren't so tired though... Get busy on my cemetery stuff. I've got hundreds of pictures to add to both websites. I thought about going out to take pictures today, but the heat index was over 100 - so I shelved that idea... and took a nap instead. I'm not looking forward to winter, or even fall for that matter, but a little cooler would be okay.

Tomorrow I need to print some pictures of Cookie and send them off to her former owner, Joyce. She's written Meg a few times and said she's like some pictures. I really wouldn't mind driving down to Crete so she could see Cookie, but really don't know how well Cookie would do in the heat either - and then I have to find out of the nursing home would let her in. I think it's just hell getting old.

Started watching Ghost Whisperer today. For some reason I can get Season 5 on the bedroom TV, but nothing earlier; although I can get Seasons 1-4 on my computer. The computer it is then - I can be flexible if I have to! I never really watched it before. It's sadder than I expected, but it's a good show.

Oh, if my spelling sucks, blame Blogger, they took the spellcheck off the options.

And thus endeth the epistle of the day.

I'm too tired for clever titles

2011-07-23T23:15:00.001-05:00

Well, things are, as Mel put it, "FLYING downhill" with dad. He did call his ex to tell her he wasn't going to talk to her, but then started calling her again the very next day. Of course. That's what people with dementia do... Problem is, when he talks to her he gets depressed because she won't come back home, and if he doesn't talk to her he's a pain in the rear to live with. He's rude, sullen, and pouting, refusing to eat or have anything to drink, and speaking to everyone only in monosyllables - basically a 3-year-old brat in a 250-pound 78-year-old body. Very difficult to deal with. I know they probably don't think so, but I do give Mel and Missy a lot of credit for dealing with him. It's beyond frustrating to have to deal with him on a day to day basis, I know I couldn't do it. Part of the problem lies with the fact that we all have difficulty separating the person he has become from "dad". I know I still can't do it. I try reasoning with him, and sometimes he sounds perfectly reasonable, but then 10 minutes later --- "I never said that". Um, okay.

One bit of good news that I did get today was that his Veteran's Service Officer will testify in his behalf in Scottsbluff at the admission hearing for the VA. Whoop! I really wasn't looking forward to driving 8 hours for 2 days in a row - or sleeping on a motel bed. Heaven knows if I would have been coherent enough to even speak in his behalf. I asked Mel to write a letter explaining why Dipstick shouldn't be considered in deciding dad's approval or not. She did a good job and wrote a great letter. I think she's a lot better at those kind of things than I am. I also got a lot of help from Char at the Lincoln Veteran's Administration office in Lincoln yesterday. She was wonderful and answered a lot of my questions - not a typical government employee, if you get my drift. I really appreciated all the help I got from her. I am really happy about that bit of news. Dad's lawyer, Richard, is also going to write a letter in dad's behalf, basically just stating that Dipstick in no way contributes to dad's support, financial, emotional, or in any other way. In other words, she's basically useless - but if you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that.

Mom called me this morning and wanted to take me to lunch before we went over to her church to price more stuff for the garage sale. Who am I to refuse a free lunch? Went to Village Inn and had a free piece of pie for dessert since it's free pie Wednesday - yummy! I should have gotten it to go though. It too the waitress nearly 20 minutes to bring the pie, after asking us 2 times what kind we liked, and she still brought me apple instead of triple berry... By that time I just wanted my darn pie and leave, but the apple was great. Not quite as good as the fresh strawberry I had last week in Fremont, but still very good. I have to laugh at mom: "I wouldn't have gotten ice ceam on it, but they don't serve ice cream here". Me: "Yes, they do". Mom: "No, I'm pretty sure they don't". I had to go get a menu which cldearly showed pie a la mode before she would believe me. Next week, mom, next week!

After we left Village Inn, we hit the Office Depot, I had to get some photo paper for Hailey's scrapbook, and then I found some notebooks that would be good for the cemetery books from all thw pictures I've taken at several cemeteries.

Next we hit Kohl's. Mom had a 20% off coupon - and we can't waste those! We got Hailey some fall outfits that we're going to save for her birthday - cute! Then, off to her church to price some more stuff.

You have to wonder about some of the stuff people donate to the church for garage sales. Somebody brought in a bunch of empty glasses from Kwik Shop and QT to sell. For the love of God people, those things are only 49 cents - full of soda! Who is going to buy cups that you're supposed to throw away? I've seen half full make up bottles, parts of tools that don't have the tool included, dirty, filthy things that definitely should have been washed before they were donated, electric appliances without the cords, a vacuum that has no cord and won't stand upright... The list goes on. Steve wants to donate our old TV. I wish he'd just haul the thing to the dump. I feel like if you're going to donate things, they should be in good working order... Apparently he doesn't agree.

I guess as long as it's out of my basement, I don't care. Okay, well, I do feel a little guilty.

I think that's it. Good night, friends.

Bye-Bye Borders...

2011-07-23T23:08:00.000-05:00

We went to Borders today because Steve was looking for a book for Meghan. He had found it on the Bargain Book rack a couple weeks ago for $3.99. Today it was back on the shelf for $26.99. LOL! I think the liquidator has come in to move the stock - we bought 3 Blu-Ray movies, 2 books, and a couple boxes of Junior Mints for $53. Not bad really, but they don't have anymore sacks, so whatever you buy you have to haul out without a bag. Just a hint to take a bag with you! One lady in line had 2 of those red hand baskets full of books and was telling the guy she couldn't carry them all out to her car, so they were scrambling around looking for a box for her. That's kind of crazy.

Also went to Wal-Mart and exchanged that horrible tangerine/lime water for some peach stuff. Yummy! Much better. We tried a couple other flavors too; I had an apple raspberry tonight. Too much raspberry and not enough apple. It smells like apples, but tastes like raspberries. Okay, but not my favorite. I'm wondering if Fontanelle Orchard has peaches yet. I so love fresh peaches and the ones from the store have been horrible - although the Bing cherries have been delicioso! At nearly 3 bucks a pound though, I'm done buying them for the season. I'm broke for another month, longer if all the threats of no social security checks next month come true! I think Obama would be pretty darn stupid to try that crap - old people have tempers too. Nothing like a full scale assault on Washington, D.C., by a bunch of old people in walkers and wheelchairs!

Well, I've taken my meds for tonight and I'm feeling goofy alerady. I want to try to make it to church tomorrow, so I'm giving going to bed early a shot. We'll see how that works out. Good night!

The 22-Year Itch, or Why I Wish I Had Stayed Single

2011-07-23T01:14:00.000-05:00

It's hot - and humid, and I'm tired and cranky. Or maybe fed up would be the better word. I think I'd be a lot happier sometimes if my life was a place of my own and my dogs. Sometimes being married is almost not worth the effort. Who am I kidding, it's not worth the effort.

Tonight we went over to be with dad while Mel went to see Jason Aldean. Yes, I know I was just bitching about my sisters recently, but you know, we have to work together to get dad taken care of and in a safe place. Once that's done, I'll decide whether I want to deal with everybody else or be a hermit. I know how much Mel wanted to see the concert and when her friend got her tickets I felt like it wouldn't be such a big deal to go spend some time with dad. We didn't have any big plan tonight, other than to go to Borders, which means I watch Steve read magazines while I try to look interested in something interesting to keep my interest. Luckily Borders is closing, so I won't have to worry about that anymore - although it's really about the only thing we do together anymore.

After we stopped at Arby's for dinner (Steve's favorite restaurant and my least favorite), we headed on over to dad's. First thing I said to Steve when went into the house was to leave the chair by the windows for dad because that's the only chair dad can get in and out of - so he immediately went over and sat in the chair. Maybe I just imagined I said it...

Almost the first thing out of dad's mouth was, "How about we go for a ride over to about 158th & Dodge?" What a coincidence, Pam lives over in that neighborhood! "Why?" "I have to give someone a bathing suit." "No, dad, we're not going to Pam's so you can drop off a bathing suit." Keep in mind she left a year ago last March - a whole swimming season has come and is nearly gone and she's just now missing her bathing suit? "I'm just going to toss it up on her balcony." "No." "I"m not going to talk to her." "No." "We can go out for ice cream afterwards." "Why don't we just go out for ice cream and forget the bathing suit?" No answer. I won that round.

Twenty minutes later we're watching dad's favorite channel (ID - Investigation Discovery), when he says, "Missy had Marc shut my phone off". "Dad we talked about this for 3 hours yesterday, I'm not going to talk about it anymore." "I want a phone." "You don't need a phone." "Do you have your phone with you?" "No." I lied, so I had to reach in my purse and look for something while I surruptitiously shut the thing off. Thankfully that did end the conversation about phones and Pam. Even with dementia you'd think he'd know better than to ask me to take him anywhere within a mile of that Devil's Spawn. So, we watched some show about the Ten Deadliest Women (horrific show BTW), and he settled in pretty much for the rest of the evening. He really was in a good mood, and about 9:30 or so, Steve got out of his chair and went to the dining room to sit at the table and read. I really wasn't having a bad time at all, as a matter of fact, I nearly finished Laura Ingraham's book "To Thee I Zing" - good book, and several parts had me laughing out loud. Good book! Mel and Sarah got home about 11:40, and before I could even ask how the concert was and look at their pictures, Steve was standing at the front door, hat already on his head, waiting to leave. God forbid we engage in some social politeness. He would have a fit if I treated his family like that - lucky for him, I have more manners, and I genuinely love my in-laws.

I don't think we really needed the air conditioning on the ride home. I said at one point, "I know you're mad, but thank you for coming with me and being supportive", I didn't at the "for once" that nearly slipped through my mouth though. Of course he didn't answer. That is the one thing that absolutely infuriates me - that, or giving me the Vulcan Death Stare. Luckily, neither of us are Vulcans, so I'm not dead yet. Totally ignoring me is also another way to tell me later that I never said anything, as in "I never heard you say that" so I must be nuts, right? Some kind of acknowledgement would have been nice. I don't even care if it wouldn't have been something along the lines of "I'm never going out there again", would be better than being ignored. The chill lasted all the way home, even after I commented that maybe I should put blue neon lights under my car so it would glow blue at night - I really thought that would get something... As soon as he let the dogs out and back in, he bolted for his Man Cave, even though it was 12:30. I love my life. Not so sure about this relationship thing though. Is total disinterest and no respect grounds for divorce? Thank God for India at this point, at least somebody listens to me - poor girl.

Yesterday dad spent the afternoon with me and we stopped at Wal-Mart for peach water. I picked up 12 bottles of tangerine/lime water instead of peach. Nasty stuff, I thought they were trying to poison me until I finally read the label. I intended to take it back today, but it was too freaking hot and I was up until after 2:30 with achy legs. Now, I wish I had taken them back... I'd like a peach water and hydrocodone please - and Calgon. Yes, Calgon would be good too...

Looking forward to this weekend. Matt has Hailey, so we'll get to see her. The week and a half she's with her mom seem to get longer and longer all the time. She changes so much from one visit to the next. Pardon the whine, but I still really miss having her with me every day. They are supposed to go to court in September. He got a letter from his lawyer on July 11, telling him that going to trial would cost between x and x amount of dollars and he (the lawyer) required 10% of the highest amount before trial. So, Matt assumed (you know what they say about assuming anything - especially where the law is concerned) that he would have until September to get the money. Oh hell no, the lawyer's secretary called him on Tuesday (or was it Wednesday) telling him they needed the money by August 1. Wow, how considerate.

Uh oh, Mr. Happy is coming to bed, better get ready to hit the hay - or wait, maybe he's just raiding the fridge...

Long story short - Matt got the money, thanks to his friend Joe, Mom, and myself. Of course Steve opted out of the "save Hailey" program. "I feel sorry for him, but..." Yeah, so much for how much he loves Hailey. About as much as he loves me, apparently.

Not bad for a Monday - thoughts on motherhood...

2011-07-12T01:09:00.000-05:00

Hailey got to come over today for awhile while Magann took a test. It was a very welcome surprise - I could use more Mondays like that! I actually was awake early to make phone calls to dad's hospital, lawyer, and the Board of Mental Health, so when Matt called I was thinking about trying to go back to bed, but spending time with Hailey was a much better option.
so
We got her trike out and she rode a little bit in the driveway. She's finally getting the hand of the pedals, but doesn't quite have the coordination to put with alternating feet to keep it going, but at least the whole concept is getting more familiar. I have some pinwheels in my front yard, I get them every summer in memory of my dogs that I've lost and Hailey always wants to put them somewhere other than where I have them, so we moved them around a bit until she was satisfied with the end result. By then it was time for a Goldfish break, so the dogs had fun begging for food. I have to laugh at Hailey and Toby... Toby has been known to try to nip her on the bottom, so she walks around with her right hand on her behind, saying, "NO, TOBY! My butt!" while he follows her around the house. I'm going to have to get an actual video of it before she outgrows doing it because it just cracks me up!

Didn't go see dad today. I thought about it, but that's about as far as it got. Tomorrow Meg wants us to come to Fremont to have ice cream with her, so don't know if I'll make it tomorrow night or not. The BOMH hearing is tomorrow and I think we have to be there... I plan on being there anyway, Not sure what to expect with that. I must be worrying a bit about it, I'm still awake at nearly 1 a.m. Yes, amitriptyline and Ambien are long gone and still no sleep.

A former co-worker passed away last week and I just found out about it the other day. For some reason it's really bothering me. We weren't very close - she worked on call nights and I worked days, but when we both worked at the hospital our shifts overlapped by about an hour, so I saw her every once in awhile. I liked working with her, she really was one of those who worked hard when she came in, even though she managed to chat a little. Very nice girl. I can't decide what bothers me more, that she was 4 years younger than I am, or that she left behind her 7-year-old son. Both, I guess. Fifty isn't old, and that's scary/sad, but to leave a little boy just breaks my heart. She passed away on July 4th and all I can think of is that for the rest of his life that little guy will always associate fireworks with his mom's death. Kind of like how I hate poinsettias because my grandmother died in December and that's ALL she had at her funeral. Ugh. I hate those things. I wonder, too, how much he'll remember of his mom - who absolutely adored him, by the way. My "Poppy" died when I was six, and as much as I'd like to say I have vivid memories of him, I just don't. I remember him, but more like a dream, his voice is altogether gone from my memory. You wish you could hold onto those things and hug them to your chest and never let them go -- but at the time, you don't realize that one day those memories will be as dead as they are. I don't have one single picture of myself with him. None. That makes me sad, but at least I have pictures of him - so his face will never be erased from my memory.

When my kids were younger I guess I always lived with some kind of dread in the back of my mind that something would happen to be. Of course that was compounded by the fact that I was Meg's only parent, and Matt's father was... well, let's just say Matt needed his mom. I wasn't only afraid for them, I wanted to see them grow up, graduate, get married, have families of their own. I thought maybe I was over that a little now that they're both well into adulthood and out on their own - and then along comes Hailey... I don't want to miss watching her grow up, and I don't want her to forget me. Kind of silly when you think about it. Que sera sera and all that stuff. I guess my solution is to take lots of pictures - and lots of videos. Things have changed a bit since 1965 when Poppy died.

Well, I hope that somewhere that little boy finds joy in fireworks and he remembers every time he sees those flashes in the sky that his mommy loved him more than anything.

As far as life in general - hot, humid, nasty weather last night and we had storms come in late. Every fibro person knows what that means. Not much sleep and an achy today. Hope tonight is better, since I can't drive to the courthouse taking pain meds, so none until late tomorrow afternoon. I made dinner tonight, meatloaf, baked potatoes... Yummy. I thought maybe since I made dinner someone ELSE would clean the kitchen. Ha ha ha... Too funny! He disappeared right after dinner to go watch another astronomy lecture. I guess if I felt well enough to cook dinner, I should have felt well enough to clean the kitchen. Speaking of cleaning, our bedroom is getting out of hand. I have to clean the vanity, gross... Tonight I knew I had 2 Elavil in the palm of my hand, but somehow one kind of flipped out of my hand and I couldn't find it. I had to turn the "movie star" lights on around the mirror since their brighter. That was disgusting. Dim light is definitely better in this place... Anyway, I searched high and low, behind the door, under the sink, moved the box of winter clothes that I've been waiting to have taken downstairs since April... No pill. I finally gave up and got another one out of the bottle and went to take a drink to wash it down and found the first pill -- in the water glass! I have no idea how it got in there! Anyway, since I'm not sleepy, still achy, and no sleep in sight I'm going to take another one and see if that helps. I'll worry about cleaning tomorrow, after all, tomorrow IS another day.

PS - I'm annoyed that Blogger removed the spellcheck button from the new post page. Don't blame me if something is spelled wrong. It's their fault.

M

A nice quiet day at home?

2011-07-10T00:48:00.000-05:00

Steve wanted to go to Fremont today to W.C. Fremont Days - that didn't happen. You would think that since I asked him to bring me a pain pill he would have gotten the idea - but he didn't. I finally did get a shower and got dressed about 2:30, but only because Mike called to say he was coming over! Amy and the kids went to Chicken Days in Wayne, but Mike stayed home so he came over to visit Steve. I think they had a great day - we went to Romeo's for dinner and they talked beer, beer, and more beer the rest of the time. Good day for them and a very quiet day for me. Yay!

Dad called about the time I got in the shower, so I called him back after dinner. It was an interesting conversation. First, he didn't have any idea who I was for several minutes and then he told me what happened this Thursday and Friday as if I hadn't been there - it was interesting to get his take on the whole set of circumstances. When the deputies came to get him yesterday he says they told him that sticking his finger in a "can of Prestone" was a federal offense and that's why they handcuffed him and took him to the hospital. Um..... Okaaaaaay. He wasn't angry, but he can't figure out why everything is all locked up and he can't have his cell phone. Actually, he says even though having a cell phone is against the rules another guy there has one, and has the charger too, so he wants his. Good luck with that one, dad. I took the day off from my daughter duties today, but I'm going to go see him tomorrow. He was happy that Amber went to see him today - is today a national holiday? It must be if Amber actually took the time to go see dad.

I ended up doing the dishes today. I know, I know, I caved... I just couldn't stand the mess anymore. I also folded the laundry and put it all away. Now the kitchen is a mess again with dirty beer glasses, empty beer bottles, and a couple empty sacks from the Hy-Vee liquor store. Too bad the maid has the weekend off.

Downloaded a couple new books on my Kindle. The book I'm reading now is so bizarre I'm having a little trouble figuring out what the heck is going on. The name of it is 314 Crescent Manor y M. Jones. Odd, odd, odd... I'm trying to muddle through it anyway, but might have to take a break and read something "normal".

That was my day. How was yours?

M

Friday, or is it Saturday, wait, maybe Thursday?

2011-07-08T23:38:00.003-05:00

No, it's really Friday, but I've been thinking all day it's Saturday. I'm so tired and emotionally wrung out I just want to SCREAM!

I got a call from Mel last night about 6:30 or so, dad had drunk some antifreeze and the rescue squad was taking him to Methodist Women's Hospital (since it was closest hospital). So, that was my ticket to the crazy train. I grabbed my purse and headed out. We were pretty sure dad would get an EPC done, especially since this was his second suicide attempt in a little over a year. Oh hell no. Dad tells the cop at the hospital he just drank a little "for attention", he had no intention of hurting himself - I mean, he was a cop before, right? He knew that a little wouldn't really hurt him. (Maybe not, but a very pissed off daughter might...) So, the cop comes out and tells us he's not going to EPC dad. (Sorry, EPC is an emergency commital procedure for mental health.) Dad "volunteered" (my ass) to stay for treatment, but there really wasn't anything anyone else could do. Whatever. Sometimes that "Good Old Boy" network is a little much to take. So, Miss, Mel, and I spend until 10:15 waiting for blood results, etc., to see what, if any damage he had done to himself. When we asked him what he was thinking he said he was "just stupid" and he never really meant to do it. Come on - you walked through the garage, found a dirty cup, complete with cobwebs, poured antifreeze into the cup, walked back over to the chair you had been sitting in and... Ooops, just drank the darn stuff!!! Missy was sitting right there! I don't blame her for this, as soon as she realized what he was doing, she asked him what was in the cup and he told her, "Antifreeze". God give us strength.

By 10:15 they decided he was going to be fine, but they were going to have to transfer him to Methodist Hospital (no vagina, can't stay at the women's hospital), where he would have a couple beers, supposedly the antidote for antifreeze poisoning, and stay the night. Today Mel and I went up to see him and he was chomping at the bit to go home. The internal med doctor had been in and told him he could go home, BUT he still had to see the psychiatrist. (Oh, the officer told us last night that if dad tried to leave the hospital AMA, that we could THEN get an EPC, because... Well, that just doesn't make sense, does it? Who would want to leave a hospital?)

Dad just got crankier and crankier as the day progressed. He was SURE that Mel and I were conspiring to keep him in the hospital - Mwa ha ha.... The psychiatrist FINALLY came in about 2 or so and talked to him alone for about 10 minutes before she decided he was in no shape to go back home. She met with Mel and I and we decided to go for a BOMH (Board of Mental Health) commitment and Dr. T said she would arrange for transport to a mental health facility here in Omaha as soon as a bed was open. Oh, and before that even happened, we were all waiting in his room and dad nodded off. When he woke up, he didn't know where he was, didn't remember being there all night and half the day today, and didn't remember drinking antifreeze or having to go to the ER last night. Woo Wooo... All ABOARD THE CRAZY TRAIN!!!

Before I sound like a total shrew, I love my dad, and this all really breaks my heart. I know he is not competent and I know he has dementia. There are just some days that are so full of CRAP that I can't hardly breathe. And today is one of them.

Mel and I left Methodist because I knew dad would absolutely blow a gasket when he found out what was in the works (and I wasn't wrong). I had just gotten home when Mel called and said the hospital had called her and Heritage Center has a bed for dad, so they were going to be transferring him and we needed to go out there to fill out the paperwork. Terrific. We were supposed to be at Sue and Smitty's at 6 for a birthday party for Alec, Jackie, and Madi. I grabbed my purse, and again, I was off like a speeding blue bullet!

Dad arrived about 4:40, and Mel, Sarah, and I were getting the interview done. i felt really bad when I found out he had to be transported in handcuffs. That's the only thing that has made me cry all weekend. (Take that you people who think I have no heart!) The thought of dad in cuffs just really hurts me, and I know he was probably humiliated beyond belief. I'm so sorry, dad.

When he came in, Mel went down to his room with him. He's in the locked locked unit - as opposed to the regular locked unit, and I'm sure that makes him even madder. He wanted to see us before we left, but when Mel went down to see him he was yelling about how this is bullshit and he's going to run away. Uh huh...

I dont' know what's going to happen. The woman (Polly?) at HC told us we wouldn't need the BOMH hearing because we were dad's powers of attorney, but they won't keep him on a long-term basis, so I just don't know. He can't come home, he just can't. He's been threatening to kill himself ever since last year, this time he just acted on it. What next? This is not something Adam and Sarah need to be around 24/7. Dad has no money for a nursing home and we sure as heck don't have the money. Our meeting with the admission board isn't even until the 28th of July... Holy buckets. Mel says she hasn't heard anything from his caseworker about the Medicaid. I think maybe she did, but it just got lost in the shuffle. I hope we don't have to reapply, but I bet we will.

I finally left the hospital at 6:20 and got to Sue and Smitty's in time to have dinner and see Hailey and Emma playing together. I loved it! They are so cute together, it's too bad that Emma lives in Tennessee! One of the worst, crappiest days turned into a great day by seeing Hailey smile! She kept coming over to me and giving me loves. She means the world and more to me. It was good to see Magann too, she's been working like a crazy woman - 85 hours last week alone! Holy sandman, Batman!

When I got home tonight, absolutely exhausted I realized that Steve had not done one single solitary thing since I left last night. The dishes were piled up in the sink, the laundry still needed to be put away, everything was just like I left it last night at 6:30. Oh, and he only had to work 1/2 day today... He had stayed at Sue and Smitty's when I left because I was so tired. After he came home and just before I got into bed to write my book for the night, I walked into our bathroom and was met by a huge puddle of water. The magazine that he left open on the floor (after using the bathroom this morning) was entirely soaked, the towel on the floor was soaked, and there was s small river leading into the other room. When I called him to the bottom of the stairs and asked him what happened he said one of the dog's beds got into their water bowl and he hung it up on the shower door to dry... Of course, it seeped to the lowest end of the blanket and ran down the shower door onto the floor. I told him about the mess and he said, "Wow, really?" and went back into the other room to watch TV. Oh yeah, he understands fibromyalgia all right. He knows what a hard couple days I've had and he's SO, SO willing to help.

Just between you and me, I don't care if those damn dishes ever get washed...

M

The 5th of July

2011-07-05T08:25:00.000-05:00

We had a good day yesterday - I think it was a relatively good weekend, actually. Some things actually got done in the house, like shampooing my craft room - woo hoo! The kitchen may or may not have gotten cleaner, but it certainly got decluttered. Now,if I could just twitch my nose and have the rest of the house cleaned and decluttered, I'd be really happy. I guess my name isn't Samantha for a reason.

Yesterday Mom and Bob came over for dinner. It was kind of funny, I originally wanted to try to have Matt and Magann and Meg and Jason over, but nobody's schedule meshed, so Steve and I thought about just cooking hot dogs and making some frog eye salad. We decided to call mom and Bob since I wasn't sure what their plans were, and when I told mom we were cooking out, she immediately gushed, "Steaks? Those steaks you made last time? If you get them I'll even pay for them!" Well, the hot dogs went out the window at that point! I had to laugh when I went to the grocery store though, Hy-Vee has bacon-wrapped sirloin filet at $5 each, but they were on SALE at the amazingly low price of.... $4.99!!! What a bargain! I saved 4 cents! Doesn't matter though, they are goooooood steaks, so I would have paid full price. Ha ha ha...

Steve made his infamous frog eye salad yesterday morning, we had some baked potatoes and mom brought a coconut cream pie from Village Inn for dessert. Oh my gosh, I was stuffed - what a great meal! After dinner we watched Green Hornet (some of us for the second and third times...) and just relaxed while dinner settled, and they left about 8:30.

Our plan was to go watch the fireworks from The Champions Club at 10, so around 9:15 we took off, loaded with insect repellent, a blanket, and several sodas. We found a great place just east of the golf course on a little frontage road, which was just perfect. I've been trying the Off insect and mosquito fan, that you just hook to your belt or clothing and it's supposed to keep the skeeters at bay. It seemed to work pretty good last night. I got a few bites on my legs, but not too bad. Steve used the spray on stuff and got more bites than I did, so I think the fan is the way to go. It was a nice night, not to bad for July, although it was pretty humid. Most of the time I thought bugs were on me, it was sweat rolling down my neck - ick, but it could have been a lot worse. We were both thinking of Hailey last night; last year we took her to the fireworks. I was kinda glad to be taking her to her first fireworks display - at the tender age of 10 months! She did great until the fireworks started - when she fell asleep! She even slept through the grand finale and when we got home I changed her into jammies without waking her up and she slept all night. So much for Nana and Papa taking her to her first fireworks. I hope she had a good time this weekend and didn't get too scared by all the loud booms.

I was tired when we got home, but couldn't sleep. At 2:30 I was still tossing and turning, and the next thing I know I realized Ben was whining to go outside. Because of all the neighborhood fireworks, only Cookie would go out before bed last night, not because she's brave or anything, she's stone-cold deaf! The fireworks didn't boether her at all. So, I got up at 5:24 to let the dogs out, first Ben, then Ruger, then Heidi... Thankfully they all came back in together! I barely had a chance to get back to bed before Steve's alarm went off. I dozed while he took a shower, and now here I am again, wide awake at 8:20. Need I add I'm feeling pretty ugly this morning. My hands are on fire (can we say "flare"), and I just can't find a comfortable position. Very, very achy. I'm trying to decide if it's because I got in the way of all Steve's mosquito repellent last night, the Fosomax I took yesterday, or because the weather is supposed to be stormy today. Whatever it is, I don't feel too great.

As for my other addiction of late, the jury in the Casey Anthony trial got the case for deliberation yesterday. Now I'm just watching and waiting to see what they decide. It really would be a hard case to decide - especially if you hadn't seen what a skank she's been while the trial has been going on and seeing things the jury didn't see. I hope they make the right decision and that little girl's soul can finally have some piece.

Now that the 4th is over, I'm looking ahead to going to Scottsbluff later this month for dad's VA admission hearing. I'm sure hoping I don't end up going alone! Wish me luck with that one will ya?

Later...

4, 3, 2....

2011-07-01T22:23:00.002-05:00

It's almost the 4th of July!!! I love my country and I'm proud of our forefathers who worked so hard to make this country what it is... Well, what it was 3 years ago. :-) Nobama in 2012 and we'll make this a country to be proud of again! I just get goosebumps when I hear the National Anthem or America the Beautiful, I know if we can all make a move closer back to God, He'll bless this country as he has in the past. I just get so exasperated with people who don't get the connection - especially people who are "religious". Do they not see the connection between living lives that aren't pleasing to God and the destruction of nations in the past? Well, I didn't start this to be a religious rant - just want to say I'm proud of our country and I'm proud of the men and women who have died to defend it!

I have to admit, I'm not so fond of the fireworks - the neighborhood kind... They started about the middle of June and of course tonight is just crazy with people setting them off. They're actually selling them in Omaha this year. I don't know if I'm hearing more, but they sure are loud. The dogs are none too fond of them, either! Every once in awhile an especially loud one will go off and then they all start connipting. Fools. Good thing they're cute, because they can really get on my nerves! If I knew the fireworks would be over on Tuesday, they might be a little easier to take, but I know that's too much to hope for!

Mike, Amy, and the kids will be here Tuesday, that's something to look forward to...After Amy gets back to Tennessee from their vacation here, she's going to El Salvador. I hope she has a wonderful trip - she's going as a missionary from her church and will be staying a week, I think.

The weather has just sucked the past 2 days. Yesterday the heat index was about 105 - very humid and just plain nasty. The kind of day where you step outside and immediately drenched in sweat. Ugh. Today was hot, it got up to 99 degrees, but it wasn't as humid - a dry kind of heat - LOL... I almost enjoyed today though.

Stupid fibro is dealing me fits - still, not again. Yesterday I was having such bad pains in my chest that at one point I seriously considered going to the ER to make sure it wasn't a PE, but then it was better, so I didn't. That's the bad thing about this stuff that makes you feel so achy and icky all the time, I never know if it's something related to the fibro or the arthritis, or if I should be worried! So, I just try not to worry! The body aches haven't been so bad, but my neck and shoulders have been miserable. When I can get Steve to massage my back, I can feel where the muscles are all tightened up. Today I sat with my warming beanbag around my neck for most of the afternoon, but I can't say it helped too much.

Of course, I'm still watching the Casey Anthony trial. India says it's my drug - she may be right. The prosecutions rebuttal was today and they have tomorrow off and then Sunday they will give their closing arguments. I hope the jury comes to a guilty verdict quickly.
Her mom was caught lying today when of her former employers testified that she was at work when she said she was home searching for "chlorophyll" on her home computer. Busted!! I really think Cindy Anthony thought her employer wouldn't have records from 3 years ago. Idiot. Personally, I think she's an idiot anyway for trying to defend her daughter - the murdering witch. Caylee would have been 6 years old this coming August 9. The whole thing makes me so sad. I look at Hailey and wonder how anyone could hurt a child of that age. They're so sweet and trusting, especially of their parents. I can understand why her grandfather (Casey's father) tried to kill himself to be with her. I can't imagine the pain of losing your grandchild. I pray that I never have to know what that feels like. I asked a question on a message board that I was on today - I asked if others would lie in court to save their child, especially if their child's guilt was so obvious - as in Casey's case. Most everyone said no. It would be hard to say what you would do in that situation, of course, but I guess if you raise your children right and teach them to be accountable for their actions you have to trust they would never do something like Casey did. I'd never stop loving my kids, no matter what, but in a situation like that, I sure wouldn't lie for them. Doesn't Cindy Anthony thing of Caylee? It's like she threw Caylee's memory away to try to save Casey - and for what? Casey obviously doesn't have much love for her parents either, making those horrible accusations about her father (which the defense couldn't prove, by the way). One day in court Cindy mouthed, "I love you" to Casey and she just turned her head and acted as if she didn't see her. Very sad. Her attorneys asked for a mistrial today and were denied, they they asked for an acquittal of 3 of the charges, which were also denied. That made my day. Nothing as exciting as yesterday when a spectator was charged with contempt for "flipping" off Jeff Ashton, the lead prosecutor. I actually think he was doing it to be funny, he was looking right at the camera when he did it. Judge Perry gave him 6 days in jail and a $653 fine. Serves him right the little jackass. The whole trial could have gone down the tubes if he had been seen by a member of the jury. I don't know why, but that's what the judge told him. The guy was 28 too, come to find out, a little too old for such stupidity.

Steve and I went to Romeos for dinner tonight and then took a drive down Dodge Street to see the crowd at Memorial Park for the 4th of July concert and fireworks display. We went one year and that was enough for me. Too many people, too hot, and you have to park too far away. No handicap parking. No thanks. I thought about maybe going up to the empty lot where Baker's used to be at 72nd and Blondo, but when we got home I decided to get ready for bed and just crash. You can hear them from here, but can't see them because of all the trees. Maybe if Hailey had been here, but it wasn't that big of a deal to me. Just last year Steve and I took her to watch the fireworks at the Championship Club - silly us - she was all of 10 months old and fell asleep just before the show started. She slept right through the whole thing! I'd do it all over again too!

I downloaded 25 books on my Kindle today - all free. I love Amazon.com and I love my Kindle. I should be set for books until the end of the year - and if they keep having good free books, I'll keep downloading them!

That's it for today. Remember to hug your kids and pray for Caylee this weekend!

Hailey and her "bike"

2011-06-28T17:51:00.003-05:00

She doesn't like to pedal and would prefer pushing with her feet. Steve even got on his bike to show her how it works, but she wasn't having any of that! She still loved the "bike" and wanted to ride some more when daddy came to get her. I just love having her visit, we had a good time. Maybe I'll post some more pics tonight.

Snoozy

2011-06-27T01:34:00.003-05:00

Woke up very achy today. We had thunderstorms this evening, so I'm going to blame them. I got up, took a pain pill, grabbed my blanket and pillow and camped out on the sofa until after noon.

I'm thinking all this pain lately is going to be my new baseline. It happens that way. Something new will appear and while I wait for it to disappear, it never does and I just feel that way all the time from then on. My upper arms just feel bruised, like somebody has punched me repeatedly in the arms and my skin hurts to touch it. I think the skin sensitivity is the worst thing. Even wearing a shirt with sleeves is painful. Quite annoying. Had to use my inhaler today too, for the first time in a long time. Just sound crackly when I breathe. But the inhaler worked. Now, if I could just sleoep. I just checked the weather radar and there are more storms coming... Probably why I'm still awake.

A levee was breached near the Ft. Calhoun nuclear plant today. All we've been told is that there's nothing to worry about. I'm not being paranoid, but I wonder why bother with the levee in the first place if it wasn't needed. I had heard last week that workers were being advised to not get into the flood water surrounding the facility. How they were suposed to avoid it is another matter, I guess. I'm not going to worry about it. There's nothing we can do if there is a problem, so worrying won't do any good. We've had so much rain lately, and Gavin's Point is going to start releasing more water... Somebody's head ought to be rolling over this fiasco. Now there's major flooding in Minot, North Dakota, too. A quarter of the town has been evacuated. So many things are being lost and ruined, families are being displaced... And none of these floods are short term.People in Minot were told they probably wouldn't be able to go home again until September. That's so sad.

I told Steve today that we've really been blessed lately. No problems with the flooding, tornadoes, or storms. He said we're lucky. I prefer to think of it as blessed. It is scary that so much is going on throughout the world though. I think we all need to be taking stock of what's going on in our own lives and try to improve ourselves and become more in tune with what God wants us to be doing.

Which reminds me... The missionaries just dropped by on Thursday evening before Steve got home from work. They were doing splits with some new elders, one was from Tonga and Tuesday was his first day out in the field. We had talked a little bit about Steve and how he wasn't interested in going to church or hearing the discussions, etc. Well, when Steve got home, the first thing this Elder did was bear his testimony to Steve and ask him what he thought about the church. (sigh) Steve told him that he (Steve) was a very happy Lutheran. I almost laughed out loud - He won't even say prayers with me at the end of the day or at dinner, and doesn't practice any kind of religion. Oh well. At least he stayed polite and told they could come back and "visit" any time. We have a very excited, new missionary in Omaha! I think once he gets the idea out of his head that he's going to convert my husband he'll be very successful!

Hailey was over yesterday, my Cute Little Princess! Steve got her trike out for her, she loved it, but doesn't get the fact that she has to put her feet on the pedals. She doesn't WANT to put her feet on the pedals! So cute. I got some good pictures. Then we watched Thomas and Wiggles a bit and that made her happy. I read her to sleep and she took a good nap, once we got Toby to SHUT UP! That dog drive's me nuts! I better call it quits for tonight. I feel the Ambien wrking and this will make no sense if I write any longer!

Love to you, my friends!

Lost and Found Friday

2011-06-25T00:15:00.004-05:00

Remember the debit card I lost - I found it! Remember the iPod I have? I lost it... Oh well, I'm still even, right? Don't know how I'm going to go to sleep tonight without music, but I imagine I will - eventually.

One of the Sister missionaries who was here um, several years ago became a mom for the second time on the 20th of June!! Welcome Justus Helland and congrats to mom, Melody Thatcher Helland and her husband, Blake. They also have a little girl, whose name I can't remember - of course. Hey, was doing good to remember her husband's name! Anyway - congrats to the family and have fun enjoying the new addition.

Hailey should be at Matt's for the weekend. I tried calling, but they must be busy. I sure hope I get to see her this weekend, I'd really like to see what she thinks of the new trike!

We went over to mom and Bob's tonight to feed the opposum and the squirrels. Only mom and Bob would be feeding an opposum! I had to laugh when we got there. Everything is laid out on the table, cat food, ears of corn, bird seed, and even a pitcher of water for watering the plants on the deck. Next to the item is an index card with instructions written on it. "Use this to water the plants on the deck 2 times." "Put a new ear of corn out on the deck." "Put 3 scoops of cat food in the white square dish, and water in the round white dish." I was cracking up. I should get a picture the next time we go over. Guess they want to make sure we don't forget anybody.

Their neighbor has been working on their swimming pool. A couple years ago the former owners of the house had done some work on the pool, but apparently it wasn't up to code, so the new owners had to rip out the whole pool and the new concrete deck they had built when they moved in. I would have been so angry!!! The new pool is in and they were filling it tonight. Really pretty, dark blue with nice looking tile around the edges. Should get a picture of that too... Nice. Wish we had a pool. I'd even settle for an above-ground pool, but with all the trees around here we'd spend most of the time cleaning the thing out. Plus, with the Omaha laws, we'd have to build a 6' privacy fence to the pool wouldn't be visible from the street. If I could afford one, I couldn't afford the other! Oh well, that's what air conditioners are for, right?

Didn't call Dr. T today. I'm going to wait and see what happens. I'm not really eager to have it yanked. I know, call me chicken, Bawk, bawk!

It was a gorgeous evening! After we went to mom and Bob's we went to DQ for a root beer float. Ever since we went to DQ in Blair a couple of weeks ago, I've been hungry for one. Mis-take! They don't use A&W root beer of course, and that's the only kind I like. From now on, I'll stick with ice cream cones from DQ and home made root beer floats.

My friend Anita posted on FB the other day that she was afraid she might have to evacuate because of the flooding. She lives in the trailer park out by OPPD north of the airport. I told her then if she needed a place to store things, she was more than welcome to bring them over here because we had 2 empty bedrooms. Last night she asked if the offer still stood. Of course. I'd hate to be worried about my irreplaceable family things in case of a flood or tornado or something. I should back everything up on computer disks and put important originals in a safe deposit box. Anyway, she has things of her mom's that she hasn't gone though yet (her mom passed away last year), and a bookcase, which is all she has of her dad's, and of course her CDs and things like that. Her sister was afraid we'd keep them - oh my goodness... I just like to help people who need help, if I can. I feel like there's not a lot I can do anymore for people since this stupid fibro has gotten so bad. If all I can do is offer a safe place for family heirlooms for someone, then I'll gladly do it. She might be moving her mobile home out to 110th and Ida, where I lived for awhile. That's a nice park. She says they're in the county, not the city so they have reliable garbage collection (yes, they do!), a tornado shelter, and a swimming pool and it's only $100 a month more than she's paying out in East Omaha. I think she'd like it there, I really do. I have to laugh though, I haven't even ever met her, but she's talked to me about dad and how to deal with his dementia and things (she's a home care worker) and I feel like I know her. Between her and India, I think I finally might be finding some good friends.

Funny thing, when I saw Randy and India the other night when they picked up Callie, I thought Steve and Randy would probably get along pretty good. They're both kind of quiet. Wouldn't that be nice?

Nothing new happened today in my life! Just hung around the house and enjoyed the nice weather. Looked for my iPod... Darn it, I get so mad when I lose things. So achy lately, I wonder if that's going to be my new normal. I hope not, but that's the way things start. I feel like something new is going on and I wait for a couple days or a week or so for it to subside, but it doesn't and there it is, a new normal! Sucks, but what else can you do? Today my pain pills did absolutely nothing. I'm getting kind of worried about my lack of response to the pain medicine. What do I do if I really need it for surgery or something?Guess I'll just have to take it as it comes and see what happens. It could be worse.

Karl T., who I know through Judy write a blog every Friday night and in tonight's blog he was saying that he had been feeling dizzy and having some other symptoms lately, so his doctor recommended an MRI. He got the results back and he has an acoustic neuroma - a brain tumor. Apparently since his is close to the brain stem and he would be in danger if it grows, they're going to do surgery. My prayers are with him and his wife Susan and all of their little fur kids. See... It could always be worse.

I think I shall call it a night and try to get some sleep - well, maybe I'll read a little. Kindle had a bunch of free cookbooks to download tonight. They're old - some are very old... I got one from the Eatmor Cranberry Company full of cranberry recipes, and at the end there was a contest to vote for a girl to be the Eatmor Cranbery Girl, and the contest closed on December 31, 1953 - but the way I see it, good recipes and good food are timeless. I did get a chuckle out of some of the recipes in the Pennsylvania Dutch Cook Book such as tripe soup - Never! And sauerbraten - nope... But there were some good sounding ones in some of the other books. I got a good giggle out of one of the books - it's a home ec book from years ago and they talk about how the presentation of the food at your family dinner table is so important.. Ha ha ha... Tonight I microwaved a frozen pot pie for Steve and slapped it on a plate and handed it to him. How was my "presentation" sweetie? Not that it would kill me to take some of the messages to heart... But no aprons, and no candles!

Have a good night!

Dentist!

2011-06-23T22:59:00.004-05:00

Do you remember Steve Martin's role in "Little Shop of Horrors" about the sadistic dentist? Me too! Problem is, I had dentists like that when I was younger so I grew up with an absolute phobia about dentists. Right after Steve and I got married I had a horrible abscess in one of my teeth and refused to go to anyone I had gone to in the past, so Steve suggested I try his dentist. Let me tell you what - I'll never admit this anywhere again, so take note - Dr. Thorfinnson rocks! He gets the fact that I'm scared, well, past scared, terrified, paralyzed, nearly phobic about dentists. I love it. He's so nice and so gentle. I've never had any problems with his work or with him...

All that being said, almost 2 years ago (I remember because it was the week before Hailey was born) I pulled a crown off a tooth eating my Tootsie Roll dessert from Boyd and Charlie's. Uh oh. I put the crown in my purse and forgot about it. Well... Okay, I didn't forget about it, I did call the office, but I just forgot my appointment. No, really! Then Hailey was born and I was too busy being a grandma and then I became a babysitter and... Well, one thing led to another until - are you ready for this - We took dad to Boyd and Charlie's on Tuesday night and while eating my Tootsie Roll dessert I felt the filling come loose. OH NO!

It didn't come all the way out, so I just kind of pushed in back in place and prayed it wouldn't come out in my sleep and choke me to death or anything. Then yesterday while I was driving Tilley over to meet Kate in Iowa, I stopped for a bottle of water and got a Grandma's raisin oatmeal cookie - and ate the filling. Oops.

It left a gaping hole in my lower right side - ick. So, since the edges were really sharp and killing the bottom of my tongue I called and made an appointment for today at 10:30. Ugh. I went. I was scared spitless, but I went. Well, he x-rayed it (Cool new x-ray technology, Dr. T!) and told me my options - one of which was just leave it alone!!! Oh yeah. No drills, no root canal, no shots! So he filed off some of the sharp edges and let me go! Hallelujah!!!

Then I got home and started thinking. That was too easy. Why did he just give up? Was this some kind of reverse psychology? Did I really win? Just LEAVE it? What if it hurts? He said it wouldn't, because the nerve is gone. But really, there's still some tooth there. It will just rot, won't it? Then my breath will smell like Cookie's, won't it? Oh no.

I think I'm calling tomorrow to see if he can pull it, or see if I need an oral surgeon. Nuts. I think the dentist won...

I forgot

2011-06-21T22:18:00.004-05:00

Where do I start? I forgot what I did with my debit card, I forgot what I did with my cell phone charger (good thing I have a car charger), and I forgot to mention dad's lawyer visit today.

Still don't know where the first 2 are, but I can mention our visit with Richard. Dad was kind of upset today (see my previous post from today), so I was kind of afraid this wasn't going to be a good meeting. I think Pam had pretty much convinced dad not to pursue the divorce, but in all the time she was married to him she still underestimates us - the power of 3 is greater than the power of 1. Idiot.

The meeting actually went very well, except that it's going to cost us another boatload of money or as Meghan would say, "A shit ton of money". The biggest problem is that there is no discovery information from Pam. Found the copy that was sent to her, but the response was blank (kind of like her little brain). Richard asked Deborah Cunningham the miserable wench of a lawyer to send over the discovery information she had, and all he got was a fax with some stuff she had already sent him, and a memo saying that was all she had because we wanted the file immediately and didn't give her staff time to make the copies, so she gave us the original file, so that was all she had. Oh, she lies! When we asked for copies, she told us (Missy) it would take 2 weeks for her staff to copy the file, so we waited 2 weeks and then when Missy and dad when and got it, they took it directly to Richard's office. Nothing was removed. Another thing I'd like to know is how did she have things to still fax to him if we took the entire original file? I can't wait to file a complaint with the Nebraska Bar against that witch when this whole thing is done. The first thing you need for a divorce is a discovery - what the hell did she do to earn the money dad paid her. Nothing - with a capital "N". Witch. Told me one thing over the phone, told Missy and Mel totally different things, then said she hadn't told any of us any such thing(s). Then she called Missy one day and told her we had 4 hours to decide what to do with the house because Pam wanted her name off of it. Uh, yeah, right. Basically, in 6 months she did absolutely nothing but lie to us and talk with Pam's attorney (supposedly so she could charge us for the billable hours), and accomplished nothing other than to actually file the divorce. Worthless piece of crap.

So, Richard asked us today what we were going to do, go ahead or dismiss the divorce action. Missy told him dad was going ahead with it. Yay! Point for our side, point for our side... BUT... Now Richard has to file a motion with the court to compel Bimbo and her attorney to provide the discovery information she supposedly gave to Deborah, which Deborah said she had, then said she never had, and is blank in the file and her lawyer says she did... What a freaking mess! Basically dad has spent thousands of dollars with this moron Cunningham and Richard has to start again at square one, with the discovery information. He told us the judge may say "we" lost it (ahem...) and in that case we'll have to go ahead without it, but I can't see really how we're losing anything if we don't get it. Richard just wants to make sure if Pam can provide things for dad through her job, such as insurance, that she will be ordered to do so by the court. That would be nice, but I don't even care. I just don't want her to be associated with dad any more. Dad asked Missy to take him over there a couple weeks ago and she wouldn't even come downstairs to talk to him. He asked if he could come up and she said she wasn't going to help him up the stairs. Nice, huh? I wish she'd get struck my lightning or something. I just want her someday to get back a little bit of the crap she's put dad through. Just a little, like a dump truck full.

Richard did explain to us today exactly what will happen and why with a bankruptcy. It was about as clear as mud until he explained it today. I'd like to have broken dad's hand before he signed up for those damn credit cards because it looks like he screwed himself with those things, even though I'm pretty sure Miss Pamela signed her name to a lot of the charges. Oh well, karma, I just have to believe there's some kind of karma for people like her.

Now, if I could just find that debit card...

Tuesday, Tuesday...

2011-06-21T21:32:00.006-05:00

Last Sunday was Father's Day, so we went over to dad's and I gave him a card and told him we'd take him out to dinner one day this week. He asked when so I threw out Tuesday, because Dad loves to eat at Boyd and Charlie's and Tuesday night is Burger Night, where you get a 10-ounce burger and fries for $5.59 - what a deal, right? Well, this whole thing was coming up with Tilley and Callie, Lisa's dogs from Oklahoma and I had forgotten that Tuesday was the day Lisa was bringing them to Omaha. I'm taking Tilley on up to Kate in St. Paul (we're meeting in Clive, Iowa, again), and my friend India was taking Callie. D'oh - ad Homer Simpson would say. I thought maybe we would have to change the day, but that didn't work out as planned.

Dad called me this morning when I was talking to India and asked me when we were going to dinner, and he sounded very upset and was crying. I told him that we'd still go tonight, but I wasn't sure what time since Tilley was coming. He said okay, but I could tell he was still upset, but he told me nothing was wrong. Turns out I had forgotten we were meeting with his lawyer today at 12, so Mel sent me a text to remind me and I called to talk to her for a second and she said she was home today so I asked what was wrong with dad. Well, he had called my cell twice (once at 7:42 a.m.!!!) and I hadn't answered, so he wanted my home phone number and when Missy told him what it was he couldn't dial the phone because he didn't know which numbers were which. *sigh* I guess I knew this day was coming. I had read about something similar in the book "36 Hours", where a person with dementia can still read and knows what the word is, but it has no meaning for them. I guess this is similar, so dad has reached a new level, or gone down another level, depending on how you look at it.

So, dinner tonight was special to me. Of course I've known for months what was happening with dad - I saw it myself as far back as when Matt and Mirisa lived with him, but he seems to be sliding toward that abyss so much faster lately. He's been so unsteady on his feet, and it was much worse tonight-and even today at the lawyer's office, that I know it won't be long before taking him out anywhere is gong to be a major undertaking, if it's possible at all. He loves to hear about Hailey, anything I say about her makes him smile, so I told him about her loving to sing and saying, "Sing, Nana!" or "Sing, Papa" when we stop singing with her to enjoy her little voice. I told him we had gotten her a trike and hopefully she'll be excited about it when we see her next. I think about my grandparents and how happy they were when I had Meghan and I know my dad is just as thrilled hearing about Hailey - the years have just flown by. Seems like only yesterday that I had my Grandma Erikson come to my house for Christmas, and all 4 of her grandchildren (at the time) sat near her for a picture. I'd love to get a picture with Ryan, Hailey, and Vince, but the logistics of that are crazy! Anyway, I treat every dinner like this as a special occasion. I don't know how many more I'll have with my dad, I cherish every one.

Okay, now that I'm crying my stupid head off...

Lisa brought Callie and Tilley today. Poor Tilley. I think I need to get larger dogs when the time comes, they're so much more mellow then my weenies. Tilley is scared to death of them - and I can understand why. Poor sweetie. She's watched her mom take all her family memebers away one by one and when she comes back they aren't with her. Plus, she just lost her home and had to stay in Colorado for awhile, then today she goes for a ride with Callie and her mom leaves her. If my dogs were nicer to her I'd keep her for awhile before taking her to Kate, just to give her some time to adjust; but Kate and CJ have Keena, so she'll be seeing her sister again tomorrow and I hope that helps her a bit. They can compare notes about how horrid my house was and how glad they are to be with Kate! LOL! Poor things.

Callie is doing fine with India - I thought she would. She's even already let Randy rub her tummy, so I think that will be a smooth adjustment! Randy had brought the other dogs, Maui and Tristan, to the dog park where we met Lisa, but the weather decided to dump on us at that exact time, so we ended up going to Westroads and spending a little time with the Lisa before she left. Tristan and Maui seemed to hit it off with Callie and India has such a way with animals, it seems like a match made in heaven.

It was good to see Randy and India again. I haven't seen them since I worked at Northwest Precinct, and heaven only knows how long ago that was! I worked in Internal Affairs 14 years ago and I was at NW after that... I think... I don't really remember. I need to take out the old crew photo that Paula Timperley took of her crew and gave to me that year. I really do treasure that - and I think the year is on it. I know it was before Infantino threw me unceremoniously out of NW to go work as Don Thorson's secretery in CIB, that seems like forever ago! I loved working at Northwest, and it was so close to home, right by Hobby Lobby on 90th & Grant. Unfortunately, I wasn't doing favors for Capt. Infantino like his secretary was, so when he got transferred to NW when Capt. Crawford retired, he sent me packing. Not at all usual, usually the secretary stays in the bureau she works for and the command transfers around. Guess old Tony ha a soft spot in his heart for his secretary, Judy. Anyway... Got a little sidetracked... It was good to see them. Maybe sometime we can all get together and watch a movie or something. I get the feeling that Randy is a lot like Steve - just likes to chill and be quiet, and India is a lot like me - very outgoing and likes to talk and have fun. We could maybe have someone to do things with besides Bob and Carol. Ha ha ha.. India have a lot in common, besides loving our animals and having fibro. I don't think we'll ever run out of things to talk about. LOL!

Well, if I'm driving to Des Moines tomorrow I better get some sleep. Before I forget though, we had a pretty good storm in Omaha last night. Jim Cantore from The Weather Channel was here - scary, he seems to go where the weather is the worst! They clocked some winds at 75 mph and the tornado sirens went off for the straight line winds, for only the second time in history. We were really blessed though - we had NO wind at our house. None. With all these tall trees I'm always afraid in wind storms, but the Lord was looking out for us last night. We didn't even lose power - it only flickered and came right back on. Yay! Unfortunately we did have a lot of rain and the Missouri River rose another 3 inches. The flooding is bad, getting worse, and they're upping the amount they release from Gavin's Point again soon. I have a FB friend who lives in Plattsmouth who said they've heard rumors of being stranded because they might have to close the roads to the town because of the flooding. Tomorrow I have to take I-80 through town and through Council Bluffs to get to I80 going to Des Moines. Usually I'd take the Mormon Bridge and I680 to I29 and then over to I80, but that was is closed. I have a lot to be thankful for today. My only worry is that the water treatment facility will have to close or be shut down. It's already sandbagged and the river is rising past that point. I still think we should stock up on drinking water, but Steve seems to think that won't be a problem. Also, the nuclear power plant in Ft. Calhoun is surrounded by water. I've heard that workers have been told not to wade through the water or have any contact with it. That's scary, if true. Of course we haven't heard a word from the media about it. Well, I'll be grateful for what we have and pray for strength to take care of the rest.

Freaky Friday

2011-06-17T22:26:00.002-05:00

Not really freaking, just the same old stuff.

I had to take my car in for a tuneup. I love my car, but I had to take it in today because there was a recall notice for it. Wow. I've only had it 6 weeks! I'm not even sure what they did to it, but they washed it for nothing, so that was nice.

Told Steve I didn't want to go biking yesterday and would rather drive around looking at the flooding. He took me for a hugely long hike down by ConAgra downtown. I was in serious pain and not very happy. Can't decide if he: a) Doesn't hear me. b) Doesn't pay attention to what I say. c) Has no concept of pain, or d) Was trying to get even for me not going biking. Probably, it was a combination of all of the above! Ah well, it made the warm shower that much nicer when we got home.

Forgot to order my Ambien today. MUST get it done and picked up by 4 p.m. tomorrow.

We FINALLY got rid of those stupid bricks from in front of the house! When we moved in they bordered a small rose garden, but they were put in the ground with the the sharp ends sticking out of the ground, so I had Steve dig them out because I was always scared someone would fall on them. He dug them out and then just put them in front of the house - two years ago. Smitty said he wanted them, but that's as far as that got. I told him this week I wanted them GONE, so he loaded up the truck tonight and we took them out there. Now, if I could just get the rocks weeded (yes, you read that right), get some type of holder for the hose so it isn't always laying in the yard, and get the cobwebs off the front of the house, I think it will look a lot better. We need more rock in the back yard, but I'm just happy to have those stupid bricks gone!

When we were going out to Sue and Smitty's there wasn't a cloud in the sky, it was gorgeous out - just a little humid, but about 87 degrees. Nice. As we turned off of 84th Street, I noticed a thunderhead way off to the northeast, but that was it. We got in the truck after Steve unloaded the bricks and he turned the weather radio on and they were just announcing a tornado confirmed just north of Cedar Bluffs - and sure enough the sky was all gray and angry looking off in that direction. Scared the crap out of me because Meg is at Camp Cedars just north of Cedar Bluffs! Her being at camp didn't used to bother me so much, but ever since that tornado hit the scout camp at Little Sioux and killed some scouts, it scares the crap out of me.

I had to laugh though, I sent her a text message to see if they were okay, but there was still a severe t-storm warning, so she said she'd call me later. Then I got a message from her saying, "Theres a shit ton of golf ball sized hail and otherwise were good". This from my English major daughter! I'm not sure exactly how much a shit ton is either....

I've downloaded a bunch of free books and stuff on my Kindle, but now I don't feel like reading any of them. I get a blog every day about free books on Kindle and some sound pretty good when I read the reviews, so I download them and then when I go back to read them - eh, not so much. I got one the other day about 2 brothers and a sister who are firefighters, but it turned out to be nothing but a glorified love story. Ick. I hate those stupid books. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, but something beyond their power is keeping them apart, or else one of them is totally oblivious to the other, they have a fight, and then miraculously at the end of the book they realize they can't live without each other. Blech. Change the names, the books are all the same. Booooooring. Do you think I like romances? Heh heh... Let's have some true life. Boy meets girl, they think they're in love so they get married. Boy is totally indifferent to girl, but goes nuts to hang out with his friends and girl is left at home alone all the time. One or the other dies before they realize maybe they care about the other after all. Maybe. Hey, now THAT'S life.

Took Cookie to the vet the other day. She just could not stand up. Picture Bambi on ice, only not so cute and kind of scary. When I called to make her appointment, I seriously thought we were going to have to put her down, but he prescribed some tramadol for her arthritis pain and we're going to see if that helps. She also has a new heart murmur that's pretty significant, so we need to watch that too. Since then she has been better, but not like her old self, still does the Bambi thing and needs a lot of help. Should you put a dog to sleep just because she's old and can't walk anymore? She still struggles to run to Steve and she loves to just be held and sleep on my lap while I watch TV in the daytime. Does she have the quality of life of a puppy? No. But then I don't have the quality of life of a toddler either, but I still enjoy my life and wouldn't want someone to put me to sleep. I struggle with decisions like that. I won't let her get as bad as Jojo, heart-wise though. I know now that I let his heart get too bad. I miss him though.

Steve and Tom are going to Walnut, Iowa, for their antique celebration tomorrow. I'm not. I've had enough of being drug all over the place for one week. Besides those 2 get to talking and I could literally disappear and they'd never notice. I'm invisible. So, I might as well stay home where I'm appreciated! (The dogs, you know...)

Next Tuesday, Lisa is bringing Callie and Tilley to Omaha. India is taking Callie and I'm going to take Tilley to Clive, or Des Moines, or wherever on Wednesday. Steve was going to take Wednesday off, but wouldn't you know it, he has meetings that morning and can't. I really didn't expect that he would, so I'm not too disappointed. I kind of wanted to go to Hickory Park and thought that would be a good reason to go. He says he could get off at lunch and we could go then, but I really don't want to have dinner in Ames and then have to drive home. I'll just go in the morning and be home by 2 or so, and that will be that!

The flooding is crazy here... I'll have to take I-80 through Omaha and Council Bluffs and then go up into Iowa. Can't go across the Mormon Bridge, the road is flooded on the Iowa side and I-29 is closed from the Crescent exit to Missouri Valley. It makes the drive a little longer, but not that bad. I-29 is also closed from Hamburg, Iowa, to Rock Port, Missouri -- that'll put a dent in the fireworks in Omaha this year! ha ha ha...

Well, thus endeth another day. Hallelujah and good night!

Sunday, 12 June 2011

2011-06-13T00:24:00.003-05:00

Good day today. The weather was wonderful! Even this afternoon it was warm, but cloudy and the wind had a cool feel to it. Niiiiiice.

Matt came over today to do his laundry so we got to see Hailey and spend a few hours with her. She loves Thomas the Tank Engine, which really cracks me up. We watched an episode of that while Matt took the vacuum home to use, then we watched some Barney for a bit, until the lure of the kitchen drove her upstairs. She really loves playing with her kitchen. I might have Matt and Steve take it over to their house, since she doesn't spend so much time with us as she used to. She loves to bake the French Fries, and her "tookies" and her oranges (?), but she has fun. Today she got irritated because I have one of those magic bottles for her baby doll. Every time she thought it was empty, it would suddenly fill up again. After four times of her thinking it was empty and it really being full, she got ticked and tossed it across the room. "I said no more!" And that was THAT! She loves Barney and loves to sing his ending song with him. I will get a video of her singing soon. I just love it. She cried when she had to leave tonight. It broke my heart. She wanted nana and kept holding her arms out to me. I saw a picture of Eric Dane with his 14-month-old daughter the other day and he said about her daughter, "She owns me"... That's exactly how I feel about Hailey. I would move heaven and earth to get her what she wanted - not to mention the fact I put her on a pedestal. She's my first grandchild - what else can I do?

Finished a book called "Sisters" by Kathleen Thompson Norris today. I wasn't much impressed with it at first, as a matter of fact, I had to practically force myself to read it. For one thing, it was kind of smarmy, a little too much like Little Women to make me a big fan, but I kept reading, hoping it would get better, and it did. I'm still not much of a romance book person, but it was pretty good. I'd give it 3 stars, but don't know if I'd read it again. This is one of the free books from Kindle that I've managed to download from the Free Kindle Guide, so a free book is a good book - when you're broke. Besides, you never know when you might find a really good newcomer! I'll let you know what I think about the others. I think I've downloaded at least one a day for the past couple of weeks. Looking forward to some down time this summer and cozy nights around the fire in the winter.

Mom, Bob, Steve and I went to the Scandinavian Midsummer Festival at Stinson Park, which will always be AkSarBen to me, this afternoon. It was fun. We didn't know what to expect because this was only the second year they've had it, and last year it mostly got rained out. They had a pretty good supper for only a $5 donation. A couple Swedish meatballs, boiled potato, pickled herring, cucumber, lingonberry, a piece of hard tack, and a pepperkaka or gingersnap as they're known in the good old U.S. We bought a little package of Spritz cookies too... I love Spritz cookies, so buttery they melt in your mouth. Yummy dinner. I pawned my picked herring off on Steve and Bob. I'm not one for pickled fish. Ick. Good diner! They had a troll out meting people, they decorated a May Pole and sent it up and then danced around it, and played several games involving dancing around the pole. I think everyone really got into the spirit of it. I know Steve and I enjoyed watching it. We should have brought a blanket and/or some lawn chairs, but we didn't. Next time we'll know better. Weren't sure exactly what to expect this year, but now we do. The head of the Norweigen Consulate spoke to us for a few minutes about Midsummer night and some of the traditions that are still continued in Norway and other countries to this day. The trolls and witches that come on the longest night of the year. You have to build bonfires to keep them away. If you make a sachet bag with either 7 or 9 herbs and you sleep with it under your bed, you're supposed to dream of who you're going to marry. He said to be careful - you may get more than you wished for! LOL! Then they planted the May Pole and had the dancing. By that time I was kind of tired of standing and there really wasn't anywhere to sit, except on the ground and neither Carol or I thought we could get up off the ground if we sat down! So, after about 2 hours of fun, we cam home.

I want to try to find Hailey a small trike tomorrow. The Elders had stopped over tonight and she was entranced by their bicycles. I think she's about ready for a trike. Wish I had gotten her one when Wal-Mart had them for $20 at Easter. Funny how just a couple months can change things? I asked Matt if we could come over tomorrow and he said he's think about it. He better be kidding, ungrateful kid... I'll hold his towels for ransom that he left in our dryer.

Started taking the generic Fosomax today. Another pill in the jar... At least it's only once a month. I guess I can live with that. My DEXA scan needs to improve by next year.

Guess that's it for today.

Today, I'm thankful for my family. We're blessed that we've had children, grandchildren, and now great-grandchildren who haven't had any significant health problems and that... In this day and age, is a true blessing. Love to my family!

Mom, Nana, and Mindi

It's been a good month - so far!

2011-05-25T22:33:00.002-05:00

We've had an anniversary (our 23rd), had a birthday (my 54th), had another birthday (Matt's 28th) and Mother's Day, and all has gone well. This weekend we're celebrating Sue's birthday (her 53rd on the 26th), and Steve's birthday (his 57th on June 3). Then we can take a breather for a couple weeks until Father's Day. And then the celebrations will come to an abrupt stop! Quite frankly, I'm getting pretty darn sick of birthday cake, so I won't be sorry to see that end, but we don't really get together much for other stuff, and I hope we can change that. Magann and Matt moved into their apartment on 110th and Maple, so they'll be closer to me if they need a babysitter.

This weekend we'll have the party for Sue and Steve and hopefully that will be IT for the rest of the summer! I'm looking forward to Matt and Magann finally having some.... HA HA HA... I just re-read this on June 21, and I have no idea what I was going to say. Oh, I love my life!

Sometimes I have to wonder

2011-04-30T12:19:00.002-05:00

I wonder why I even try to anything good or nice for other people. It always, ALWAYS, backfires. Steve is probably right this time, although it kills me to admit it. I never should have had this party for Meg. I can't do it alone, he's no help, Meg and Jason had to get Jason's glasses fixed last night so she couldn't come over and help me get the house ready, I haven't heard a word from Brittany; other than to tell me how many people "might" come, and now dad "has" to get his roof fixed TODAY, so Mel can't come over and help me decorate the house. I'm kinda ticked since Jason and Britt are supposed to be helping me with this and so far all of their help has involved inviting people on Facebook. As far as Steve goes, I bought the card, the present, all the food, all the decorations, and then he gets mad at me when I ask for help with the house. He said the party should be for family only. I thought a 30th birthday was a big deal. Apparently, I was wrong. If I didn't have 18 pounds of brisket in the smoker I'd call everybody and tell them to forget the whole damn thing.

I'm just sad.

And the winner by a TKO...

2011-04-17T18:56:00.002-05:00

Did you see the fireworks near my house last night? Just kidding. I'm just so tired of being sick and tired and not having anyone to depend on. Oh yeah, I'm married. BFD. Friday night into Sunday I couldn't sleep - bad leg pain again, he knew I was up at 4:30 because he got up to go to the bathroom and asked me if I had been asleep yet. I told him no. At 5:30 the alarm goes off so he can go to Kearney (yes, Kearney - 183 miles, one way) for a freaking gu show. I was finally sleeping, so he just left. It was a Very Bad Day. I mean I don't have many days that bring me to tears, but yesterday was one of them. It would have been so nice to have someone around to let the dogs in and out 900 times and maybe clean up the messes they made but oh no. And when we got into it about it, it was MY fault because I didn't tell him I didn't feel good. He has such a knack for turning EVERYTHING around to be my fault. Always.

Oh, and I will readily admit I was royally pissed when he got home. I seriously don't think I've ever been so mad at anybody in my life as I was yesterday. I yelled, I threw things, I slammed things - yes I did. I'm not proud of myself, not by a long shot, but you would think after 24 years of being together and him being "best friends" with a neuropsychologist that he would realize that I have NO control over my temper. None. Well, very little. I guess no one ever told him about decreased inhibition in someone with a head injury. That doesn't mean I run around naked, it means that I don't have a lot of control over my emotions. Any emotions, and especially anger. I really think the problem is he just doesn't care. I know he knows, and he does nothing about it. He won't even meet me halfway.

This marriage is about in the old dust bin because I'm tired of being alone all the time. If I have to be sick and alone, I might as well be sick and alone because I'm single, not because my husband is an ass.

Happy, happy birthday to you!

2011-04-11T00:53:00.002-05:00

Today we began celebrating the birthday season - went to mom and Bob's to celebrate Bob's 84th birthday. He was only 59 when Steve and I met. Holy cow. This year Steve will be 57 himself. How is it that so much time has gone by and I hardly blinked?

We got to spend some time with Hailey yesterday, and then Magann and Matt brought her to Bob's party this afternoon. I can't believe how much I miss the little imp! it's a bitter pill, but I guess she's doing okay without me. Ha ha ha... I think I felt better when she was here - took my mind off myself during the day, but I'm going to start getting busy with my craft stuff again and then I think the time will go faster. She is just so darn cute - and getting so smart, it's just amazing to watch her grow and learn new things. Today she really had fun playing with Grandma Carol's laughing monkey - wish I had gotten a few pictures of that! Brett and his family came while we were all still there so Hailey had to show "the girls" grandma's cows. It was so funny, she kept staying, "Girls, girls! Cow, cow!" and pointing to the plastic cows mom has on the divider between the dining room and kitchen. It was cute. Then she sat on the floor with Matt and played roll the ball with Taylor. I really enjoyed watching her interact with the other kids. I'm so proud of her and how smart she is. I have to give a big hand to Magann, too, she always makes sure Hailey is dressed so cute!

Mel and Jeremy are continuing their quest to find a place to live. I'm a little concerned about dad being alone without Mel to watch over him, but hey, it is what it is, right? Mel has sacrificed so much this past year, it's not fair that she has to give so much. Of course dad wants them to stay, says he hasn't been unkind to Jeremy... Oh, there are days when I'd appreciate a good dose

Meltdown

2011-03-31T23:50:00.003-05:00

I had a meltdown tonight. I have to say, I love my mother-in-law and father-in-law SO much. They are so supportive of me. Never had that growing up, so it's kind of nice to realize at the tender age of 53 that sometimes I am okay, and it's okay to have my feelings. Just to listen and not try to dictate to me - wow, what a concept!

I feel better about things tonight, although I found out today that Pam actually had counter-sued dad for divorce. Last year. Yeah, on March 29, 2010, she filed her counter suit or whatever the legal jargon is for it. His lawyer never told us. Hell, she never even replied to Pam's attorney, at least there was nothing in the file to indicate that she did. What a lousy lawyer she is. I have to sit down and make a list of all the crap she did and didn't do so that I can write a semi-coherent letter to the Nebraska Bar. I can't believe she has the nerve to call herself a lawyer. My dogs could have done a better job than she did.

The weather was gray and rainy today, still cold too, so of course I feel like dirt. This gets so old so fast, and believe me, it's been this way for a long, long time.

I'm missing Hailey so much. Seve says, "I miss her, too". Really? I spent 10 days a month with her, at least 8 hours a day for the past 18 months basically, and he spent lunch hours with her and the overnight stays. He has no IDEA how much I miss her. I think that's why I'm feeling a little bit at loose ends right now. Number one, I don't feel good, so I don't feel like doing anything, and; number two, I'm lonesome. Hailey was so much company for me. Even the days when I really, really enjoyed her nap time, I loved spending time with her. She is such a good baby, so happy, and so funny. She always had me laughing and taking pictures and videos... Just miss her smiling face. Matt called tonight and he said she was feeling much better, I'm so glad. When she's sick, she's SICK, so I'm happy she's on the mend. Wonder if she'll have to end up with tubes like her daddy. I'm thinking she might. Of course her mother is too stupid to think of that. I might mention it to Matt so the next time he's at the doctor with her, he can ask and she what the doc thinks.

On top of all the #$%@^ that was clouding my head tonight and making me cry, when I went out I decided to stop at Dairy Queen to pick up some Dilly Bars to take with me to mom and Bob's... I tell you what... I got sooooo mad. The line outside was pretty long, so I decided to go inside to grab a box of DBs. There was one guy in line ahead of me, well dressed younger guy apparently buying some stuff for a business meeting, he had quite a large order - which was fine. There were about 12 people working behind the counter and there was that guy and me, standing there holding my Dilly Bars. I waited about 5 minutes and no one made any attempt to help me, so I just went back to the freezer and put the Dilly Bars back and walked out. The guy apologized for my wait and I told him HE was fine. It was apparent he was spending more money than me, so apparently I wasn't important enough to wait on. Man, I was ticked off! I don't mind waiting, and if there had been a huge crowd in there I wouldn't have been so angry, but when they could see I obviously had a package of ice cream and just needed to pay for them and totally ignore me - that's not okay.

Steve's really been enjoying Echolink. I really didn't even think he'd notice I had gone out, but apparently no one was talking to him. I was a little frustrated when I went out. I was in the bedroom and he was in the hobby room with earphones on and I could hear the music he was listening to, oh no, he doesn't have a hearing problem. Right. If he doesn't now, he will later! Oh well, his ears, not mine.

It was soooo nice to visit with mom and Bob - what will I ever do without them? Turned out to be just what the doctor ordered!

Augh

2011-03-30T22:19:00.005-05:00

I'm sick to death of this crap. I swear, if I had my way I'd spin a bottle in the driveway and go whatever direction it pointed and that would be that.

Dad paid that idiot Deb Cunningham the money he owed her a couple of weeks ago, which enabled him to get his entire file from her and give it to Richard H., his new divorce attorney. Sounds like that should have alleviated some of the problems we had with getting the documents he needed, but not so. Apparently Pam's discovery information wasn't in the file. Richard contacted Pam's attorney who said it had been completed for Dipshit Cunningham, Esq., and was in that file. Guess what? It wasn't. I talked to Richard the other day and he went through the complete file that he had and no discovery. He suggested we called Cunningham first and tell her the discovery information was missing and if we didn't get anywhere, he'd call her. So Mel called yesterday and talked to her assistant, Phillip, because (wouldn't you know it) Cunningham was out of the office. I doubt she was working... Phillip told Mel he would check the files and around the office and call her back. Another amazing coincidence - No return phone call. Today Mel called AGAIN and Peggy, the secretary, told Mel that Cunningham and Philip had just come into the office, but amazingly enough when Peggy asked her name and Mel told her Peggy was mistaken and it wasn't them she had seen come in the office. It took her 5 minutes to figure that out, however. When Mel said she was calling about the discovery information for dad, Peggy said she had just put it in the mail this morning for dad's new attorney. Finally!!! BUT when Mel called Richard to tell him the discovery information was in the mail, he said he had called Cunningham yesterday and spoken directly to the amazing disappearing lawyer herself and gee, she really didn't THINK she had ever done a discovery on Pam. WTF?! I'm curious as hell to see what shows up in the mail at Richard's office. Cunningham also told Richard that "the girls wanted the house and I just didn't know what do to". OMG, that lying BITCH! We have never, ever, ever told anybody that we wanted the house - because we don't! We told Cunningham time and time, and time again that Pam could have whatever she wanted, including the house, anytime she wanted it. But allegedly she never wanted anything. At least that's what Cunningham told us. Of course, she also told me to send the bills to Pam while dad was comatose in the hospital, but she told Mel that she never told me that. That woman is such a liar - and a thief, considering how much money dad paid her - for nothing. I'm going to write to the Nebraska Bar association about her. They won't give her the electric chair, which would be nice, but maybe just having such information on her will do somebody some good. I'm also going on every lawyer review site I can find and tell anybody who wants to know what a lying scumbag she is. Of course I'll tell the truth and try not to be libelous about it.

Richard also told Mel that he's concerned that if my dad goes into a VA facility that Pam will ask for a portion of his pension. What the hell else can she possibly take from him? She left him $70,000 in debt, in a house he can't afford and also can't sell, and now she wants any money the VA doesn't take for his care until he dies. Fuck her.

I seriously think that probably God gave me fibromyalgia because if I were in good health and 100 pounds lighter, I'd kick her ass around the block and back. I'm so mad I can't even hardly type this. I hate her. I absolutely loathe and despise her and I wish she were dead. Fine, I'll go to hell for saying that, but it's true. If nothing else ever happens that I wish for, I hope dad outlives the bitch. I don't care if it's only by 2 minutes, I just want to see her with NOTHING. Richard also said we can't have an estate sale when dad goes into a nursing home. Okay. Maybe we need to get rid of the stuff before then. Fine with me.

I think another thing that's making this situation so intolerable is the whole Hailey thing. At least every other week I had her to take my mind off other crap and now I'm lucky if I see her 2 days a month. I have tried, seriously tried to be a good person in my life. I have made mistakes, just like everyone else, i'm human... But I'm so tired of being fucked over by everybody and everything that I just quit. I feel like all he joy and goodness have been sucked right out of my life. I miss my baby girl. Matt said when Skank came to pick her up the other night she told him she had to have an MRI, but he didn't ask what for. Dare we hope? See, I am going to hell. I think it bugged her to no end that Matt didn't ask why she had to have the MRI - he said she told him about 3 times, but all he said was okay. Ha ha ha... Like we give a rat's ass what happens to her. I guess since AIDS doesn't show up on an MRI, that's not the problem. At least not yet. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think of Hailey living with that idiot and her alcoholic, psychotic mother. Her dad is okay, but he won't open his mouth for fear of getting it slapped shut by Bipolar lady. What a mess. Good reason not to pick up whores in a bar, they end up pregnant and you're stuck for life.

I alsmot wish I could drink, maybe life would be tolerable then.

Great times, good food!

2011-03-19T21:57:00.002-05:00

Today there was a gun show in Hastings, so I tagged along so I could go to the Hastings Museum, which is the home of the Adams County Genealogical Society. I got a little bit of family research done. I could have gotten more done, but I just love to read old newspapers - even if they're on microfilm and practically blind me trying to read them. Very interesting stuff. The ads just cracked me up. I find it kind of amazing how much stuff back then is still relevant today, regarding the government, too much spending, and how to raise your children. The language is more stilted and actually kind of funny, but the message is still the same. The newspaper I was reading was from Harvard, Nebraska, in April 1940 - seems like not much has changed in the world, just the names are different!

We left early this morning and stopped in York, NE, to eat breakfast at Chances R - a wonderful place to eat. They have the most amazing tasting food. I love Western Omlettes, and nobody can make them like Chances R! The hash browns are thick-sliced fried potatoes and the toast is never burned. I think they use fresh eggs too - very tasty. Tom brought two other friends with him, Steve and Dave - I think, I'm so terrible with names. Anyway, the 5 of us enjoyed breakfast so much, we decided to go there for lunch on our way back to our respective homes. Double yummy! I got a French dip for lunch, toasted bun, very tender roast beef with no gristle or fat, and the french fries were just perfect, not too brown and not all mealy. I have to admit after that feast we still stopped at Baskin Robbins (or 31 Flavors, or whatever it's called now. I was hoping they'd have Nutty Coconut, but I think I had used up all my good luck at Chances R - no Nutty Coconut or Praline Pecan Crunch, so I had to settle for Black Walnut ice cream. Oh the humanity! (Ha ha, just kidding, it was soooooo good!)

Needless to say, we skipped dinner...

Last night we got Netflix hooked up to our Wii console, so we can watch movies downstairs. We've been paying $13 a month for HBO - no more of that nonsense. Only $8 for as many movies as we want - and no DVDs to mess with. I was a little disappointed that some of the movies or TV series we were looking for weren't there, but I know they're going to get rid of their DVDs completely, so I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of time. In the meantime, they have plenty of movies and programs to watch. We won't suffer.

Funny dog story today: Last Wednesday when NFM was going to deliver the new furniture, I had Ben, Heidi, Ruger, and Buttercup in the hobby room with me, so when I went out to wait for the deliverymen, I just shut the door to keep them put away. I figured the worst that could happen is I'd have to shampoo the carpet - like that never happened, right? Well, I was wrong... After we got the furniture all put away and the delierymen left I went in to the room and found some DOG had gotten into my basket of glitter.... There was glitter everywhere! It wasn't hard to figure out it was Ben since he had glitter all over his nose and when I looked under his lip, it was stuck up in his gums, what a mess! I got it all vacuumed up and shook out all the dog beds, and picked up all the plastic shards that were lying around the room. Today when we got home, Steve went out to the backyard to clean up the poo from this week. He called for me to come outside and see what he had found - yes, solid gold poop! It was pretty funny, but even I can't take a picture of poop and post it! LOL! It was pretty funny - looked like someone had taken a dog pile and spray pained it as it shone on the end of the shovel. Ha ha ha. Gotta love that Benny! Last night after I hooked up Netflix I watched Open Season 2 - it was hilarious! It was about a dog - "Mr. Weenie" who disappeared from his loving parents in Open Season 1, and the adventure of his "vild Animal" friends who were trying to save him. I laughed out loud during several scenes, it was definitely one I'll watch again! Nothing like watching a cartoon dachshund talking with a German accent. It didn't hurt that the lady who owned him reminded me of myself - fat lady dressed in purple who hugged and loved her little doxie... 'Nuff said - see the movie!

Some bad news on the dad front today - First of all, yesterday I got a letter denying his Medicaid application. I had asked Mel to fax some documents to them and they hadn't received them, which is understandable with Mel's surgery last week, but they also said his income was too much for him to qualify. WTH? Then while we were gone today, Mel called Steve's phone looking for me because dad had fallen down. Unfortunately, Mel and Jeremy had run up to Kwik Shop and weren't home, but fortunately Sarah and Adam were there. Dad had gone outside, which he's not supposed to do when no one is home, and when he was trying to stand up and get out of the chair he fell. He cut his arm up and got pretty banged up, but the worst part was he pooped when he fell, and that was quite the mess. Poor Mel. I felt so bad for her. Jeremy had to help get dad off the floor because of Mel's surgery and between both of them dad almost fell again several times before he got upstairs to his bedroom. Mel got him all cleaned up, but she was quite upset afterward because she felt so bad for dad. In normal times, dad would have been mortified that one of us had to clean him up after an accident like that. So, aside from being upset about the fall and being worried about dad, she was embarrassed, and embarrassed for dad. I have to make some phone calls on Monday to the social worker about getting some help for him with bathing, and then to his lawyer to get on the schtick and shake some money out of that worthless wife of his - dad's worthless wife that is, not the lawyer's!

So, with this meltdown or partial meltdown or whatever it is, supposedly there is some radiation hitting the west coast of the US, but the wind is turning and more will be coming back onto Japan. Those poor, poor people. They just can't catch a break. I feel so sorry for them.

Of course, now Obozo is asking congress for 8 million dollars to re-do some of America's nuclear reactors. Probably not a big deal if he hadn't already spent TRILLIONS of dollars we don't have and thrown the country into financial ruin already. We're hemorrhaging money thanks to this moron and no end is in sight. Ahhhh. Gotta love power hungry idiots!

Happy St. Patty's Day

2011-03-17T22:35:00.004-05:00

Hope everyone is enjoying their St. Patrick's Day, without drinking and driving, that is!

I gave into my impulses today and bought a new laptop. Wanna see?

Well, hmmm... It's on my iPod and on FB, but I don't have any pictures on it, so I can't show you! Ha ha ha...

The things I go through to get what I want. Let me tell you, this computer was an adventure - one I hope doesn't come back to bite me in the rear end later. Last Saturday, Steve and I were at Wal-Mart and I saw this gorgeous computer - really pretty. Steve even thought it was nice, but I was trying to be frugal (really, I was), so we looked at it and I moved on. I thought it was a little spendy. Well, you know me. Ever since I saw it I've been thinking about it and thinking about it, and thinking about it... We're going to Hastings on Saturday and I really would like to have a laptop to do my genealogy on, so, yes, today I caved and decided to indulge myself and go get it. So, I drove out to the Wal-Mart on 168th & Maple. No computer. As soon as I got back to the electronics section, I realized I was in the wrong Wal-Mart, and they didn't have it on display. So, I went out to the Wal-Mart on 99th and Military and as soon as I got the electronics section, I saw the computer was gone. The card advertising it was still there, but no computer. The clerks were busy for 10 minutes (at least) trying to get an alarm to quit going off in the cameras, so I got tired of waiting around, so I came home. I figured I'd just call HP and order one online, how hard could that be?

Ha ha...

I called HP, described the computer to them and they told me it was special design, made only for Wal-Mart and I couldn't order it through the company. Well, that sucks! Next, I tried Wal-Mart online. They said the Irvington store had a "limited supply" - yeah, so limited there were none; and the Bellevue store also had a "limited supply". I called the store on North 72nd Street just to be sure, but "Jay" told me they had been sold out for about 3 weeks. They said I could order it online - for $628! The in-store price was $498 (actually, I think the Irvington store had been $468, but whatever, they were gone! I wasn't going to pay over $600, so I called the Bellevue store to see if they had any left. I held my breath while they checked... Only one left - and it was the display model. I asked them if they could hold it if I left my credit card number. Oh, of course not! I took off for Bellevue... I hate Bellevue. My entire life I lived in South Omaha and when I went to Bellevue, I got lost. It's crowded, the streets are goofy, and people are rude - IMHO, anyway. Nevertheless, I went to Bellevue.

I found out I got 10% off for buying the display model, but there was no warranty. Ouch. I got 10% off all right (about $46, but then I paid $31 in tax!) Oh, and they didn't mention that the display models don't come with batteries! WHAT!? Let me tell you, I wanted it bad... I bought it anyway. I had to cool my heels while the guy disconnected it, removed all the Wal-Mart passwords, and then waited another year or so while we waited for a MSN to come and over-ride the discount. About this time, I was seriously wondering if I should just give up - maybe I wasn't meant to have the darn thing. I finally got home with my precious treasure. Steve told me to just call HP and order a battery - YIKES - $122 for a battery!!! Holy Moly! I hope it lasts a good long time - with no warranty, I'm a little leery, but really, it's so PRETTY! I'd really love to show you a picture, but I can't find my Canon software... Oh Bother!

That's it for the fun stuff. No more. I'm happy...

Took dad back to the doctor at the VA today. We actually saw a PA, who was very nice and she put dad at ease too. She told him that he definitely shows signs of dementia - which wasn't much of a surprise. She explained it to him as his brain being like spark plugs that just weren't firing right. I asked her if it was mostly temporal lobe dementia, but she said no, it seemed to be mostly parietal lobe. Interesting. Then she brought up the subject of assisted living. Nope - he wasn't interested in the least. Uh oh. That was okay though, she went on to explain why they had stopped his asparte insulin and he was only going to be taking the Lantus. His hemoglobin A1C was only 6, which was very good, so they were going to cut out the insulin with meals. That was good news. Then dad brought up the fact that he wasn't happy living with Jeremy, that he didn't really like him. Miss and I tried to explain that we hadn't liked Pam either, but we gave her a chance and for a long time we still respected her because she was dad's wife and that Mel is over 40 and if she loves Jeremy that's all that matters. Dad doesn't have to like him. He wasn't altogether convinced about that. We continued discussing his blood work and his pharmacologic regimen when I asked him if he'd be happier living in an assisted living place where he didn't have to live with Jeremy or be upset when Adam and Sarah had friends over. Hmmmmm. Maybe the assisted living wasn't such a bad idea after all! We discussed it in a little more detail, and it was obvious he was thinking about it. His only worry was who was going to make the house payment. I told him it didn't matter, because once he was out of the house, that wasn't going to be his problem anymore. He seemed happy with that answer. Then he was worried that he couldn't afford assisted living. Well, I'm worried about that too, but we'll work something out. Between his retirement, social security, and VA benefits, along with Medicaid, we should be able to find something. I hope... I think once he thinks about it for awhile and comes to realize that it was his idea to begin with (dementia isn't always a bad thing), he'll come to realize that would be the best idea. Whew!

I was so worried about today I could hardly sleep last night. Of course all week I haven't been able to go back to sleep when Steve left, but today I was so tired I could hardly get up. Our appointment was at 9 a.m. Ouch.

All in all, it was a pretty productive day. Mom and Bob came over to see the new furniture... They really liked it. Me too! Now that the disability issue is taken care of, I feel like I can breathe again. We've really been struggling for the past 18 months while I haven't worked. I finally feel like we can do it! Now, I'm going to see if I can't find that camera disk... Happy Spring!!!

Pix of Hailey

2011-03-08T15:47:00.000-06:00

Hailey had to show me how to use my iPod Touch. Smart little beggar!

And the beat(ing) goes on...

2011-03-08T15:26:00.002-06:00

Well, we were hoping that the stuff with Hailey was done, but not so! Although they signed an agreement and then attended mediation, where more decisions were hammered out, Hailey's mom still insists on taking Matt to court over everything she can think of. I used to think her problem was postpartum depression, now I think she's just nuts. Case in point - In the beginning of January, a car hit a power pole about 6-8 blocks away from us and knocked out our power for about 3 hours. Matt had Hailey that day and has brought her over about 10 and everything was fine. The power went out about 1 or so, so I called Steve and he came home from work (about 10 minutes max) to fire up the generator and get the wood stove going. Mirisa called to check on Hailey during that time, so I told her we were watching a video and staying warm in the basement because the power was out and Steve had seen an accident on his way home to start the generator. End of story. We were warm and had electricity for the TV and the family room, so all was well. Until a week ago when Matt got some papers from her attorney which said that our power had been turned off that day and Matt brought Hailey over, knowing that we didn't have heat or power. That girls suffers from an overactive imagination. It's all the more laughable when you know Steve and I. Before winter even arrived he had enough firewood set aside for the whole winter, we have a storage room with extra food in it, and we have a generator and extra gas to keep it running. Not to mention the fact that in 23 years, we have NEVER had our power shut off. Nothing like not knowing what the hell you're talking about.

Of course the issue that I take pain medication came up. Again. We've had talks about that in the past and it was agreed that I wouldn't take any while I was watching Hailey. No matter that some days I've literally been in tears from the pain by the time Steve gets home. I don't take it when we're alone. Although to be quite truthful, I doubt if anyone could tell by just talking to me or being around me that I had taken it. I take it for pain, not to get high. She's an idiot. Just throwing out accusation after accusation, not even thinking about how it made her sound. At this point I have two schools of thought - either I wish she would just disappear (maybe take a long ride with her best friend who loves to drink and drive) or go ahead and continue sounding like a lunatic. She actually helping Matt with his case because she's so immature and childish. Matt brought up potty training with her the other day but she decided the doctor had to tell them when it was time. Oh yes, God forbid you use the brain that Almighty God gave you. I think when Hailey knows the difference between pooping and peeing, and she can tell you when she poops her pants, the time has come. Matt told her it was a parenting decision, not a medical decision, but she insisted on asking the doctor - who told her it was a parenting decision. Imagine that. All I can think is that I was so, so wrong when I thought she and Matt could be good parents - she sure isn't, and she won't let Matt be. Nitpicker extraordinare!

Dad seems to have calmed down some - which is very, very good. Don't know if it's good regarding his dementia or not, but he's not nearly so crabby now as he was a couple of months ago. He went through a whole battery of tests at the VA last week and a week from Friday we go back to meet with the team of doctors who saw him and find out what they think. I have an inkling that they're going to tell us we can't provide the kind of care he needs at home. At least that's what I'm hoping we'll here. Mel is about done in, burned out, and fried to a crisp. Missy is floating out there in her own little world, and he sure can't come live here. Of course we know his "wife" won't take care of him, so we're rapidly running out of solutions. Dad did finally pay his first attorney in full and she released his file for Richard, his attorney now. Maybe NOW we can get this no asset divorce on the right track - at least going forward a little instead of backsliding, which is what I feel like has been happening since last fall.

Social Security has finally decided that I am, in fact, disabled. I'm glad someone who has some sense finally reviewed my case. Yes, I can type, but not for 8 hours a day. I can't stand and walk for very long, and I can't sit for more than about an hour at a time. Even Dr. Seitz finally agreed with that. And the Social Security review decided that taking painkillers did diminish my capability to do highly skilled work - do ya think? Yes, I can stay home and live my life without too much trouble, even babysit (imagine that), but to work with figures or type all day - no. And with the economy sucking as bad as it does, there are no jobs available in my area of the country. I don't know what I could do in three 6-hour days a week, with extra breaks and an hour for lunch, which is what Dr. Seitz recommended. By the time you add up all the breaks and lunch and deduct them from 18 hours a week, I'd actually be working about 12 or 13 - hardly worth my time or an employers time for that matter. We shall see how long it takes them to pay me now. They said about 60 days, we'll see.

That's about it, I guess. Spring is trying to prevail, but Ol' Man Winter isn't quite ready to give up. We're in a winter weather advisory for tonight and tomorrow morning, but the temperature should be in the mid to upper 30s and lower 40s, so how much will be rain and how much will be snow kind of depends on that. In the meantime, I'm working on getting rid of this nasty sinus infection from the cold I caught from Hailey, and managing pain in the cold, damp weather. Sounds like a plan to me!

Surgery and the best nurse EVER!

2011-02-12T14:23:00.003-06:00

I had surgery to remove that stupid abscessed cyst from under my arm the other day. Piece of cake, I don't know what I was so worried about. I have to give credit where credit is due though - I had the best nurse EVER! She got an IV started without numbing medication, in one stick, and I have no bruise! She was so funny too, we got along wonderfully! And Dr. Drobny is the best anesthesiologist in the world! I told him last time I had MAC anesthesia the drape over my face made me very claustrophobic, so he placed the drape over my neck and up around my face so it was more like a barrier than a cover. That's the last thing I remember. He told me in the pre-op room, "I can't guarantee that's you'll be asleep, but I can damn well guarantee you won't feel any pain". And I didn't. He was great!

So, in the end, the cyst is gone, I had a great nurse, a great anesthesiologist, and a great surgeon, Dr. Zadalis. I think Immanuel Medical Center is definitely the place to go if you have any health issues - good teamwork and a great atmosphere.

This picture is of me - after surgery, with Beth, RN - If I ever have to have outpatient surgery again, I hope she's my nurse! The OR nurse was really great too, but I met her after I'd already had a dose of Versed, so the only thing I really remember about her is that she had cold hands! But she was very nice and I appreciate her too!

Thank you so much for your kind words...

2011-02-12T14:11:00.003-06:00

So, apparently the son and his ex-girlfriend have done the mediation thing and she doesn't want Hailey to be spending the night at our house anymore. Really? I can think of a lot of bad words to say right now, but I'm really trying to be better about that. All I can say is Really? We're so bad to her here, right? She has her own room here, this is the most stable place she has in her little life. In the past 17 months you have lived in 4 places, you're taken her God knows where, YOU broke her leg, she came to my house with bruises all over her back from YOU or your "boyfriend" or your parents, yet you don't want her to be at our house? You have a lot of freaking nerve. We stood by you when you were pregnant because your own parents wouldn't speak to you, and this is how you decide to treat us? You're so kind. It's so nice you're thinking of what's best for Hailey. And on top of all this, you think you should have sole custody and make all the decisions regarding Hailey? You don't even know what you want to do with your life and you think you can be in charge of hers? I'm so furious with you right now. I don't regret being kind to you or trying to help you when you needed it, we did what was right - what I have to wonder is how you sleep at night being such a total loser and wanting to drag your daughter down with you.

What it boils down to is this... I don't care what happens to you from this point on. Hailey and Matt are my concern, not you. I'm done being polite, I'm done trying to get along with you, I'm just done. Good bye.

Missing My Blessings

2011-02-09T17:01:00.002-06:00

Funny as you get older you realize how much the choices you made when you were younger shaped your life.

When I was younger I wanted to marry a member of the church, wanted to get married in the temple, and have a "forever" family. I made a lot of bad choices and didn't reach those goals. I wasn't that much bothered at the time. I thought "We have our whole lives ahead of us, he'll join the church". So far, that hasn't come to pass, and the older I get, the harder it is not to miss the blessings I'm missing out on.

I think about last Friday night when Hailey became ill late in the evening and we ended up having to take her to the emergency room. How wonderful it would have been for Steve to be able to give her a blessing before we went. It would have been even nicer to have her father be able to give her a father's blessing, but that is his choice, not mine. I wish also that she had received a blessing when she was born, but again, that isn't my choice to make.

So, here I sit today with surgery on my schedule tomorrow and I wish again that my husband could give me a blessing. Instead, my home teachers will come over tonight and I'll get a blessing from them. I know it's still a blessing from a member of the priesthood, that it doesn't really "matter" who gives me the blessing - but it matters to me. I'd like the man I'm married to to be able to do those kind of things. To be able to trust the person I married to give me that kind of protection and blessing. It does matter.

Patience is a Virtue - I must not have much virtue

2011-02-07T14:43:00.003-06:00

Went this morning to talk to Candi at Immanuel Village about dad. I really hate it when in talking to someone you realize something that you don't even want to admit to yourself. There's no way dad is going to be able to live in assisted living. By the time we're done with Medicaid waivers and all their hoop jumping, and the VA gets their information and make a final determination, it could take months. With the rapid decline in dad's health and his memory, not to mention his just plain old Swedish disposition, skilled care is what we're looking at. I never once in a million years pictured my dad in a nursing home. Never, ever, ever, ever. Apparently he never did either, which is why he never purchased long-term care insurance or saved any money. Terrific.

Whatever the outcome, I feel so good to have talked to Candi today. She was very helpful and just made me see things are not as good as I want to believe they are. We can't get dad to work with us, he needs to be someplace he can't wander off (eventually), and he has the issues with his medication and not even being able to see to load his insulin syringe. I didn't want to see that assisted living wouldn't be the best place. I guess I just can't imagine dad in a skilled care facility.

Life goes on though, whether you want it to, or not.

Shorty had to be put to sleep this morning. She got into a fight with Zoe and Zoe did so much damage to Shorty's trachea she had to be put down. I'm so MAD at myself for even giving Shorty to Missy. Shorty had been having aggression issues for the past couple of months and they had been getting worse and worse, so today this fight happened and Shorty was on the losing end. The only reason it got this bad was because Missy wouldn't take her to the vet. She told me Shorty would go to the vet in December, then in January, and here it is nearly the middle of February and she couldn't take her because she didn't have any money. She has money for everything else she wants, including a skin care kit that cost over $500, but no money to take care of her dogs? I have no sympathy for her. I do feel sorry for Shorty though, more than I can say. I thought it would be a good home and I was most certainly wrong. That's going to prey on my conscience for a long time.

Missy, however, is back in her groove - loving all the attention losing her dog has brought. She and dad both think Mel should apologize to her. I'm baffled trying to figure out why it's Mel's fault that Missy can't take care of her dogs. Everyone else managed to keep the Shorty separated from Zoe and Medusa, except for Missy. Dad told me that Missy told him the kids let Shorty out of Adam's room. Adam says Shorty was still in his room when he left for school. With her history, I'm much more liable to believe Adam than I am Missy. What a mess. The wedge between everyone just gets wider and wider.

Jones Design Co... February giveaway

2011-01-29T10:49:00.002-06:00

You have to check out Jones Design Co and their February giveway! Some really cool stuff out there. Even though I don't have much luck, I know some of my friends do - even if you're just lurking out there. Go check it out!

Refrigerator Food

2011-01-23T22:19:00.003-06:00

Doesn't this look like fun? It reminds me of when I was a little girl and always wished I had a "play kitchen". My friend Cheryl had one that had real running water and everything - but it was little - not child size, but doll house size. I loved it, but longed for a child size one of my own. Kindergarten had one - it was one of my favorite things to play with. Now it's my granddaughter's turn. Nothing really changes, does it?

Goodbye Deductible!

2011-01-23T22:13:00.003-06:00

Working on whittling the medical deductible down this year. I've had a cyst under my left arm for about 3 years now - ever since I had one removed, it just grew right back. Well, it decided to become infected this last week. Lovely. I'm not good with "numbing injections" or ER docs squeezing the heck out of my armpit. I'm taking an antibiotic now, but probably have to go to a surgeon to make sure the cyst is all gone. Gross. But, at least it makes our deductible smaller, which means sooner rather than later the prescriptions will be free!

Hailey is gone for another week. I cry every time she goes home to her mama's house. I pretty much felt like dirt this week, which I attribute to the infection coming on. Hoping next week I'm feeling back to my old broken self! She's just the sweetest thing in the world and I love how fast and how much she learns. It amazes me - were my children this smart when they were 16 months old?

I just love Magann more every week. Yesterday she took Hailey shopping and in her words, she "got excited". When she and Matt picked up Hailey this morning, Matt brought in the bag of clothes Magann bought for her yesterday - everything was adorable!! I think we're going to have a lot of fun shopping if I ever have a disposable income again!

TTFN - Got to get in a whirlpool and clean out my pit before Steve comes to bed. Isn't life so MUCH fun!!!???

One Bright Spot

2011-01-21T22:04:00.002-06:00

I did forget to mention that when he was at his attorney's office the other day, dad was complaining about how long this whole divorce was taking and his attorney told him it was his fault for continuing to talk to Pam. (ha ha ha - SCORE for our side!) Dad really has no judgment left, he can't talk to her and not tell her everything, and I do mean everything. Dad was kind of taken aback for a minute, but he told Richard that he was going to call her "one more time" to tell her he wasn't going to talk to her anymore. If I had a nickel for every time dad said that, I could retire a very rich woman. It's always "one more time", "one more time"... Mel said she knows he did call her last night, so we blocked her numbers again today. Heh, heh, heh. If he complains about her number being blocked we're going to remind him that he told Richard he wasn't going to call her anymore after last night.

The one thing that concerns me though is that he's been looking for his service revolver. That in itself isn't an issue, but he's also been talking more and more about how he's "outlived" his usefulness and that his life is over and he doesn't want to be alive anymore. Don't know where the gun is, and if I did, I wouldn't let him have it. At this point in time, dad can't see Pam for what she is. In the beginning, he didn't want to see her for what she is and admit the gross error in judgment he made in marrying the skank, but now I don't believe he is able to see her for what she is. He's so concrete in his thinking, if you told him the moon was made of green cheese he'd believe it. Consequently when the skank says she loves him all the time (ha ha ha, I'm rolling on the floor here), he believes it. She played him like a violin for all these years. Now when he asks her if she's coming home she says, "Not back to THAT house". As if they have a choice. Because of her dad's credit is completely shot to hell, they couldn't rent a kennel at the humane society for the night. I could care less what happens to her, but it's too bad she's taken an old man down with her.

New Baby Alert!!!

2011-01-21T21:26:00.005-06:00

This has been a wonderful week for my best friend from high school - and before, Dorothy (Sporven) Green - she became a GRANDMA this week! I'm so excited for her, I know she's been soooo excited the past few weeks she's just been beside herself with anticipation. Little Madison was born day before yesterday to her son and his girlfriend. She weighed 6 pounds and some odd ounces (I can't remember - hey, I can't remember how much Hailey weighed either!!!), and she was 19-1/2 inches long. She is darling from the pictures I've seen of her. I wish I could have gone out there - at least by this weekend to see the little angel, but of course that's out with my financial status! Anyway, congrats to the new grandma and grandpa - I hope you have many, many, many years to spend with your new little sweetheart - I know sometimes Hailey is all that keeps me going!

Otherwise, this has been a horrible week. I have been so impatient and just plain crabby to everyone - and I know it. I haven't even had as much patience with Hailey as I normally do. She is such a bundle of energy and I have just felt like the biggest pile of dog poo in existence that we just haven't had as much fun this week as we normally do. I did go out the other night and got her some Melissa and Doug refrigerator food to play with. She's having a lot of fun - mostly chewing on it - but we have had fun. Of course, being only 16 months old, she's not long in the imagination department and she was so happy to see that she had "juice", but was reduced to tears when she realized that Nana couldn't open this "juice" and the bottle was solid wood. So much the better to chew on, as she later discovered, but she wasn't too happy at first. I'd really like to be able to get her a little kitchen like I had for Meg when she was little. Wouldn't it be nice if I had been able to keep that and pass it on down to my grandkids? Sometimes I dislike my ex more than other times. Jerk.

To be back on track, I love Melissa and Doug toys, they're all wood and very high quality! Wish I had known about them when I had kids - maybe they weren't even around then, who knows? I found a lady on Craigslist who lives nearby who has about 100 boxes of their toys that she's selling for 20% of wholesale price. Score! She used to have a toy store at Nebraska Crossing, but she went out of business and now all the stuff is in her garage. I told her I was glad she had so much stuff - that I'd be calling her in a couple weeks when Hailey's mom gave me some more money. You see why I never have money? I'm a grandma, that's why!!!

The situation with my dad is just frustrating me beyond words, too. After my little "fact-finding" trip last Friday and seeing how much assisted living costs, I'm discouraged about that. The ONLY place he's going to be able to go is to the VA. There's no other option. So, on one hand, I'm mad at him for not planning for his retirement better (although who could have seen the financial crunch that happened within the past couple of years - especially when he retired 29 years ago), and on the other hand I'm irritated with Steve because he doesn't think we need to be planning for our own retirement yet. Even though he sees what the prices are like now and we're not getting any richer!!! The whole VA process is a PITA (pain in the ass - pardon my language). I've gotten the total run around from the nurse at Dr. Greene's office about dad's neuropsych stuff, which makes me especially mad. But the whole process is "hurry up and wait". The admission board only meets quarterly to decide on new admissions - and then you're put on a waiting list! Sigh. We don't even know if we can GET the paperwork in by the February meeting, so the next one is in May or June, and then we'd have to wait, like I said, for an opening. Mel was going to take the papers she had previously filled out for him and take them to the VA, hoping they'd be filled out by his next appointment on Feb 11, but I was reading what she had written in September and, quite frankly, my dad has taken a definite downhill turn. Things that he was able to do, such as self medicate, and take care of his own meals, aren't applicable any more. Mel even has to fill his syringe for his insulin because his eyesight has gotten so bad. He can still inject himself, but no more loading the syringe. Can't fill his weekly medication dispenser either, or he'll take a whole days' medication at a time - and not even necessarily the right day! So if someone checks his medicine, and sees he hasn't take his lunchtime meds, then they'll overdose him, not knowing he's taken all of another days' meds already. Now, Mel fills one day at a time, and even at that, he's taken a whole day at a time more than once. He absolutely can't cook for himself. Forget nourishing, he can't even remember how to operate the microwave. Mel had to show him 3 times last week (in one day) how to use the remote control for the TV - which he's had for years. Not good.

And then let's talk about the bottom-feeding scum suckers, um, I mean lawyers, that he has. DEEP sign. Before the end of the year I talked to his divorce attorney and he said he had some questions for dad's bankruptcy attorney and we need to schedule a telephone conference with his guardian ad litem regarding the idiot dad is married to. I told him I would call both attorneys and have them call him. I did, and neither one has called him. Come to find out, even HE has called both of them and they haven't returned his phone call either. I called his guardian ad litem yesterday and left her a rather sarcastic message. I told her dad might not be important to her, but he was to me and I thought waiting 3 weeks to return a phone call to another attorney was ridiculous. I said dad had been in the hospital AGAIN because of interaction with Pam and this had to stop. The divorce lawyer needed to talk to her and since I had called the first week in January I expected to hear that she had called him by next Tuesday. I have to say I was shocked because the phone at the office was actually answered by a living, breathing person. All this time dad has had her as an attorney the phone was answered by a recording and you just entered the extension number to leave a voice message for whatever attorney you wanted. Maybe they're finally making enough money to hire some staff!!

I was literally shaking I was so mad at that point that I didn't contact the bankruptcy attorney again - plus Hailey was wanting to sit on my lap and I couldn't get a proper mad on when I was holding her, so that will have to wait until Monday. Then, of all freaking things, I realized I can't find the darn bankruptcy papers that I had filled out. I know they're here somewhere, I just can't remember WHERE! I hate this darn fibro fog and not being able to remember things. I have torn by "project" room apart with no luck - although I do have a stack of papers that belong to dad that are about 4" tall - mostly his bills, which I have entered on the computer anyway. Very frustrating.

To top all that off Steve and I got into it last night. His usual "just stick him in a home, it's not your problem" is getting a little old. I was really mad to find out that Meg had called him the day before and she was out of gas in her driveway and he didn't go help her. He said it wasn't his problem she couldn't budget money and ran out. I asked him if she said she was out of gas or out of money and he said she told him she was going to get gas the night before, but it was too cold, so she was going to get gas on the way to work, but her car wouldn't start. I told him it was wonderful that he was the kind of dad you could depend on in a crisis. Sounded to me like she just didn't have enough gas in her tank and the lines froze up during the night. Which is something I think she would have learned after living in the midwest the majority of her life, but apparently she hasn't.

So, the total lack of spousal support is getting on my nerves too. I would never, ever talk to him about his parents the way he talks to me about my family and my dad. I could care less what he says about my mother, his opinion and mine on that matter are pretty much the same (which speaks volumes in itself), but when I say I feel responsible for my dad because he's my DAD for pete's sake, I don't want to hear that it's not my problem. It IS my problem. It's especially irritating for me because when we bought this house, we specifically talked about his mom and/or Bob being able to live with us with the 5 bedrooms and the basement practically being an apartment, minus a stove. It's all well and good if it's for his family, but not mine? I love his mom and Bob, and they most certainly are always welcome to live here if that situation should arise (which is doubtful because they've planned for their retirement and old age concerns). Wish I could say the same for Steve. I think he has a piece of ice where his heart is supposed to be - and not just because the weather is colder than heck!!

So, that's it, new baby and old frustration. My life in a nutshell. I love my life. If you're really strong enough to take everything God gives you, I really must look like Schwarznegger!

I do have to

Decisions, decisions

2011-01-14T21:58:00.003-06:00

Really not a fun day today. I went to look at a couple assisted living places for dad. I tell you what, I shouldn't have gone to Bickford Cottage first! That place is nice, very, very nice. And expensive, very, very expensive. Like 5k a month expensive. It's just incredible how much those places cost! It was a real eye opener, that's for sure. I knew it was expensive but not "that" expensive. How can anyone possibly pay for that without some kind of assistance? Even with dad's VA benefits, pension, and meager social security check, he cannot afford that. With all the ballyhoo that's been on the news lately about how the first baby boomers are retiring this year and what a strain it will be on social security and Medicare, how do you deal with this?

Believe me, my husband is a frugal person. Frugal to the point of ridiculousness sometimes, IMHO, and we sure as hell wouldn't be able to afford to live in a retirement center like this. I'm grateful dad still doesn't need more help than he does. The room alone at Bickford is $2,600 a month and then on top of that we have to pay for the care he needs - they base that fee on the level of care he needs. I'm thinking he's at about a level 3, which is about 2k a month MORE!

Luckily, that wasn't the only place we visited today and I think I can find somewhere more manageable, money-wise, but holy crap, it will still be waaaaaaay more than what he has. The rep at the other place we looked made me laugh when she talked about the possibility of "spending down his assets". Ha ha ha... Like he has any assets left after being married to Miss Gold-Digger 1960. We're lucky he's held on to what he has for as long as he has!

It was also sobering to wonder what in the world Steve and I are going to do in the future. Face it, we're going to be 54 and 57 this year, not exactly spring chickens. I have a small (read minuscule) retirement account from working at the hospital and Steve has 20+ years worth of pension at his employer, but believe me, we're not going to be living in the lap of luxury in our golden years. Our lives are more than half over and we have a wonderful home, 2 cars, and everything we need to live now, but what happens in 5, 10, or 15 years? I don't want my kids to be burdened with dealing us in a situation like my dad's - and do I have dementia to look forward to? My grandmother had Alzheimer's, my father has temporal lobe dementia, so what's my lot in life? I absolutely do not want to live with dementia to the point my grandmother lived. I do NOT!

The VA home is still on the list of possible places to live, but I hate that it's so far away. If he fell or was sick and they called us or needed us there, it's about half an hour or more from here. I don't like that. Unfortunately, like isn't going to pay the bills.

The one thing I dread is having "the talk" with dad. He's going to absolutely blow a gasket. Maybe we should tell him and then find a place, just in case... LOL! (just kidding, really) He's been so tearful lately and I'm pretty sure that idiot wife (still - God, this will never end...) has been giving him a lot of crap lately. Mind games all the time. Telling him she loves him, she can't move back home because "the girls" are there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.... She had a minor car accident last week after having dad take her out to dinner (He says she paid, I say BS, she's never paid for anything in their marriage, why start now?) Either way, she was going home and says she slid sideways into a tree, broke off her passenger mirror and did some damage to the right side of her car. Whatever. She has a cell phone - does she use it to call the police? Oh heck no - she drives home and then calls my dad. Really? What in the heck is he supposed to do? He doesn't have a car anymore. She's not hurt, but she doesn't know what to do. Well, moron, call the police - that's what you do when you have a car accident. Dad couldn't get anyone to take him to her apartment that night, it was a bad night out, and, like I said, what's he going to do? Come to find out she has a $1,000 deductible on her collision insurance. Yeah, have we mentioned how she's a genius? If you have no money, I understand trying to keep your insurance cheap, but you also have to factor in the fact you live in a place where it snows, it gets icy, and people have accidents. You really might have to come up with that $1000 if you have an accident. I suppose she thinks dad has it (ha ha ha), or that he's going to give it to her (if I find out he did he's a goner, I swear....) I'm so sick of her and her BS and her her twisting dad around and leaving him to hang in the wind. I wish to God that he's never met her - and that's second only to my wish that he'd never met my mother (the only reason that's second it because if he hadn't met my mother, I probably wouldn't be here.) I can only imagine the frustration Mel feels, because I know I'm about ready to throttle myself from the stress! If I had to live with him I don't know what I'd do.

I told Steve today, after touring just one place, that you ought to go straight from high school to a nursing home. What good does it do to work, and work, and work some more to have a nice house to raise your kids and grandkids and enjoy life, when by the time you're ready to retire or downsize you can't afford to anyway? What have you really gained in life that you get to keep when you're old and not working and are able to just enjoy what you have? You can't have it because you can't afford it!!! I look at our house now - we could afford it 7 years ago. I was working, Steve was working, the taxes were half of what they are now, and Steve was putting money into retirement, I was putting money into retirement. Than WHAM. I can't work anymore, the economy tanks, taxes go through the roof, and our mayor starts making taxes up!!! Let's tax services, and buying prepared food at the grocery store, and going out to restaurants, and movies, and hotels... When does it end?

I know this sounds silly because you're obviously not taking it with you when you go, so why do we work for it to begin with? Hmmm. That's something to ponder.

In the meantime, I'm going to love my family, my kids, my grandchild, my dogs, and the rest of my stuff because really it will probably all be gone sooner than I expect!!!

Dad wants to add her to his bankruptcy now too. I'm not helping her. No way, no how, because if something should go wrong, or we miss a bill that she owes, or whatever can go wrong does, I'm not going to be responsible. Nope. Not me. I expected this though, since dad has already hired and attorney and paid the retainer, heavens yes, why should SHE have to put up any money?

And I wonder why my BP is high? Ha ha ha... Laugh while you can is going to be my new motto.

Slider

2011-01-14T21:09:00.003-06:00

Hailey's starting to "get" the concept of a slide. The steps are still to tall, so Papa has to help her get on top - this is one of her first trips down, with Toby barking his encouragement!

Bye bye 2010

2010-12-30T23:17:00.002-06:00

Wow, it's the end of the year already! Whew... Good riddance! I can only hope 2011 is a lot better than 2010 was.

Dad was in the hospital again the other night. Just for the night, until he could be evaluated by a psychiatrist the next day, but it's his third admission this year (if we count is first admission to Lakeside and his admission to VA as the same one, since he transferred from one place to the other), because of that "woman" he's married to. I'm so, so tired of her and her crap that she feeds to dad. He can't get over her if she won't leave him alone. I'm not saying dad isn't at fault, he calls her too, but for the love of Pete, you left the guy! Don't answer the phone when he calls! Idiot. I thought things were going pretty well until dad sold his truck and she found out she had some money. Suddenly, she's picking him up and taking him out to dinner. Oh yeah, the money train is back on the track! She's pathetic.

I really have to laugh (or I'd cry) when I think about how we used to laugh when she and dad got married because we said she obviously wasn't a gold digger because he didn't have anything. Ha ha ha... He had credit, and she took full advantage of it. I really don't think it entered her head that when you marry someone who's 29 years older than you, there might come a day when you have to take care of them. At least not HER head. She has no smarts, but she's very conniving. That's okay. She's going to mess up one of these days real soon and this whole house of cards is going to come crashing down on her head. You just can't treat someone the way she's treated dad and then just walk away. Karma is a b****, and she's going to find that out.

I've been struggling with this whole situation since she left in March. Even when Matt and Hailey's mom lived with him and I went over every day to babysit, I could see dad starting to go downhill a little bit at a time. I had no idea how rapid his decline would be or what a turmoil she was going to cause. The whole overdose and everything that happened since was precipitated by stuff she said to him. The psychiatrists and his personal physician have told him that she's a detriment to his well being, but his judgement is just so impaired that it does not good. I told Cindy the other day that dealing with dad is like having a 16 year old with an elderly man's body and the judgement and sense of a 3 year old. If you tell him something, he forgets it. If we try to explain why he shouldn't see Pam, he can't see it. It's very frustrating. It's like, Dad, she walked out on you, knowing that you couldn't afford the house payment alone, let alone a second mortgage and all the bills that she helped run up; yet when she wiggles her finger, you come running like a puppy dog. It's almost embarrassing to watch. I get so mad at dad, but it's not his fault.

I worry for Mel and Jeremy too. I so want them to be happy. Jeremy has been an absolute SAINT to deal with my dad for as long as he has. I don't know if I could have done it for this long. I wish they could just get out of that mess and we had a nice place for dad where his needs could be met and he couldn't be touched by that leech that he married.

It's not doing me any good to be so angry with her either - and I know that. I just can't find it in my heart to think a good thought about her. Not one. She hasn't got one redeeming quality that I've seen in 23 years. None. She's a user, a liar, a manipulator, an adultress... You name it, she's done it. And then she walks around crying and telling dad how much she loves him. Yeah, how much she loves the money he has. When he's literally down to his last nickel, she'll kick him in the face and walk away. She's done it before and she'll do it again.

All the crazy stuff with dad used up a lot of this year. I am really grateful that we still have him with us, and that his whole overdose didn't work (in spite of his wife knowing about it and not calling for help). It's hard to say with all the junk we've dealt with, but I'm glad he's still alive. I hope this year he can realize what blessings he has, his family, his home, his relative good health. He's not the picture of health, but he's a lot better off than some people his age.

I know I have to learn to appreciate my blessings more, and not deal so much with all the negativity. I'm still up and about. Still haven't heard anything about disability, I'm just hoping I'll hear something positive this year. I really would like to be able to work again, but with the pain and the chronic pain medication that I need I don't see how that's going to happen. I hate not having any disposable income, but we're making it! I have the biggest blessing of all - and that's getting to spend time with Hailey. That whole situation didn't turn out well, but Matt has a very darling girl that he's dating now, who Hailey just adores and she loves Hailey. Can't ask for more than that!

Meg graduated this year - yay! She's settled in, has a house that she rents, a boyfriend, and a great roommate who we really like (Brit!), so that's a plus for this year! She really likes her job - and has turned very crafty in her (old) age! Just kidding, Meg!

Steve's cancer screens all came back negative this year - woo hoo! I didn't have to have any surgery for um, the whole year! Yes!!! I do have that stupid lump under my arm, but it's in the same place the last one was and my doctor isn't too concerned about it. Maybe next year I'll have it removed again. As for now, it doesn't bother me, so I won't bother it!

We did lose Joey this year, which broke my heart. He was my shadow and I miss him terribly, but we've managed to keep all the others healthy in spite of themselves. (Yes, Ruger, I'm talking to you!) I love my fur kids - they mean the world to me. Nothing better than snuggling with a bunch of dachshunds when you don't feel good. Nature's heating pads, you know! Ben is getting very distinguished looking, graying at the temples... ha ha ha... He's 14 now, so I'm blessed every day I have him. Ruger hasn't eaten enough chocolate to be fatal (Thank God), and his Cushings seems to be under good control - we just have to keep it that way. Heidi, Buttercup, Toby, and Cookie are all doing well. Of course Cookie it 2 years older than God, so we're glad to have her to celebrate the New Year. I feel good that we saved her!

Our beloved friend, Judy, from Seven Bells Sanctuary died in August. I miss her so much! I'm sure she's at the bridge taking care of Charlie... She ones one of the truly selfless souls that I've met in my lifetime. I know she came into my life for a reason and I hope I can live my life the way she did and take care of animals the same way. I'll never forget her.

Well, now that I've vented and made myself cry so hard I can hardly see, I'm going to head off to bed.

Goodnight Moon.