Saturday, July 30, 2011
Ruger
Forgot to mention that Ruger got out tonight. Must've been when the missionaries left, even though Steve and I didn't see him get out. About 45 minutes after we left, Steve heard Buttercup barking and when he went out to check on what she was going on about and he found Ruger sitting on the front porch barking and waiting to get in. Apparently, he wasn't barking his usual bark, but Steve said he sounded kind of scared. I'm so thankful he's okay. It was dark out and we live on a relatively busy street, although it's not a major street - it's the main street that goes through the subdivision - so there is more traffic in front of the house and the back and side. I'm glad he didn't get hit by a car or something out there in the big, bad world outside the house. Poor Ruger...
Saturday is a special day...
Primary song that I have in my head today like an earwig. Haven't taught primary for years, so I "hope" this isn't some sort of omen!
The missionaries came over for dinner, Elder Gardner and Elder F... I can't for the life of me pronounce his last name. I think his family is originally from Tonga, although he lives in Sydney, Australia. They ended up staying until after 9 o'clock, but we had a fabulous discussion about Oz, and he learned a lot about the US. He had one brother who served a mission in Sacramento, CA; and another who served a mission in Auckland, New Zealand, but he really didn't know a lot about the United States. He said he and his friends thought Portland, and Los Angeles were states in the US, not cities and he was absolutely astounded by the size of Alaska and its proximity to Russia We talked a little about illegal immigration and he wondered about the relationship with the US to it's bordering countries. Living on an island his whole life, the idea of having other countries bordering ours is really interesting to him. He talked a bit about immigration and how stringent Australia is about letting people move there. He said even if someone from Australia marries a citizen of another country and they move back to Oz, they'll be closely monitored by the government, their phone calls, e-mail, everything. Interesting. I hate the idea of a "big brother" government, but to be more safe from terrorism and not have the immigration problem we have here now... Who has the better government? I can see there are a lot of pros and cons on either side. I had no idea they were so strict there though. Wow. Looking forward to talking with him again in the future. Elder Gardner's father is some kind of assistant governor in New Mexico and he knew quite a bit about New Mexico's government is run, that was interesting too. Their governor is not paid a salary, they're paid per diem, and after a certain length of time (I think he said 10 years), they can BUY into a retirement plan from the state. Nice. Maybe they work harder when they don't get paid for just sitting on their lazy butt!
Anyway, I'd like to get to church tomorrow. I also want to try to get out to talk to my sisters tomorrow night when (hopefully) Missy will be home. I think we all need to be able to tell dad the same thing when he brings up the phone issue, among other things. I had some kind of brainstorm when I was laying down this afternoon, all this time we've been trying to achieve the same purpose, but obviously haven't been going at it the same way. I was worried yesterday when Mel got so mad at dad and left the doctor's office. Dad said, "I love you" as she was storming out the door and he was upset that she didn't answer him. Dr. Greene pointed out that it's not good to anyone to communicate like that - which I'm sure we all know, but putting things into practice isn't as easy as it sounds. I know he's not going to remember the things we tell him, and I wonder if writing a letter to him that he can keep to remind him that we love him and we're making decisions for his own good would help. I think it may. I remember when we were little and dad would discipline us and he'd say "This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you", and now as a parent, I know it probably did. Well, now the roles are reversed and we have to look out for his welfare, even if we have to tell him about the letter from Dr. Lyons saying he cannot make decisions for himself. We've never really told him that before and I think that part might make him angry - but we're not going to continue fighting about the phone. It's gone. It's over. End of story. Every single time we have a discussion about the phone all he can say is, "Why? Why? Why?", like a child questioning authority. You don't go into a heated "discussion" with a 2-year-old child about why they can't play in the street. They just don't understand, they don't have the ability to understand and that's where we are and we ALL have to realize that. We'll see.
Favorite photo of the day...
The missionaries came over for dinner, Elder Gardner and Elder F... I can't for the life of me pronounce his last name. I think his family is originally from Tonga, although he lives in Sydney, Australia. They ended up staying until after 9 o'clock, but we had a fabulous discussion about Oz, and he learned a lot about the US. He had one brother who served a mission in Sacramento, CA; and another who served a mission in Auckland, New Zealand, but he really didn't know a lot about the United States. He said he and his friends thought Portland, and Los Angeles were states in the US, not cities and he was absolutely astounded by the size of Alaska and its proximity to Russia We talked a little about illegal immigration and he wondered about the relationship with the US to it's bordering countries. Living on an island his whole life, the idea of having other countries bordering ours is really interesting to him. He talked a bit about immigration and how stringent Australia is about letting people move there. He said even if someone from Australia marries a citizen of another country and they move back to Oz, they'll be closely monitored by the government, their phone calls, e-mail, everything. Interesting. I hate the idea of a "big brother" government, but to be more safe from terrorism and not have the immigration problem we have here now... Who has the better government? I can see there are a lot of pros and cons on either side. I had no idea they were so strict there though. Wow. Looking forward to talking with him again in the future. Elder Gardner's father is some kind of assistant governor in New Mexico and he knew quite a bit about New Mexico's government is run, that was interesting too. Their governor is not paid a salary, they're paid per diem, and after a certain length of time (I think he said 10 years), they can BUY into a retirement plan from the state. Nice. Maybe they work harder when they don't get paid for just sitting on their lazy butt!
Anyway, I'd like to get to church tomorrow. I also want to try to get out to talk to my sisters tomorrow night when (hopefully) Missy will be home. I think we all need to be able to tell dad the same thing when he brings up the phone issue, among other things. I had some kind of brainstorm when I was laying down this afternoon, all this time we've been trying to achieve the same purpose, but obviously haven't been going at it the same way. I was worried yesterday when Mel got so mad at dad and left the doctor's office. Dad said, "I love you" as she was storming out the door and he was upset that she didn't answer him. Dr. Greene pointed out that it's not good to anyone to communicate like that - which I'm sure we all know, but putting things into practice isn't as easy as it sounds. I know he's not going to remember the things we tell him, and I wonder if writing a letter to him that he can keep to remind him that we love him and we're making decisions for his own good would help. I think it may. I remember when we were little and dad would discipline us and he'd say "This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you", and now as a parent, I know it probably did. Well, now the roles are reversed and we have to look out for his welfare, even if we have to tell him about the letter from Dr. Lyons saying he cannot make decisions for himself. We've never really told him that before and I think that part might make him angry - but we're not going to continue fighting about the phone. It's gone. It's over. End of story. Every single time we have a discussion about the phone all he can say is, "Why? Why? Why?", like a child questioning authority. You don't go into a heated "discussion" with a 2-year-old child about why they can't play in the street. They just don't understand, they don't have the ability to understand and that's where we are and we ALL have to realize that. We'll see.
Favorite photo of the day...
Friday, July 29, 2011
Dereaming....
The other day I started myself on a prednisone taper. I figured I'd be having odd dreams - and I wasn't wrong. I wonder about dreams sometimes anyway, where do those ideas come from?
The first odd dream I had included some old friends of mine from before I was married the first time. One of them even passed away about 4 years ago and I hadn't even spoken to him for about 30 years. Kind of odd that I would even have him be in a dream, wouldn't you think? I don't remember the whole dream, but it had something to do with going on a trip. Just odd.
Last night I dreamed that a girl I used to work with at the police station and I were going to an offsite to pick up some mail or something, but the offsite was my grandparents old duplex - that's been gone for 40 years. Once we went inside there were some policemen I recognized but can't remember their names and then one that I do know who has retired. I always wake up from these dreams thinking "What the hell was that about?" Why do you dream about people you "know", but aren't friends with and don't have any interaction with on a regular basis? Have to wonder what goes on in our memory, don't you? Sometimes when I dream things they're actually old memories that I can remember when I wake up, I remember places and doing things that I had forgotten - I can understand that, but other times? My grandma used to call nightmares "night hawks". I don't know why she called them that, but she did. She wouldn't let me eat cereal before bed because she said I'd have "night hawks" if I did. She had some funny ideas - and I didn't have any cereal the past 2 nights!
Something else that I think is strange, whenever I dream about my mom and dad, they're always still married - or at least still together. I never have dreams where Pam or Fred (mom's husband) appear, just mom and dad together. I never thought mom and dad would stay together, I always had the feeling they would end up divorced, so I don't think I was "traumatized" by the whole thing, so I feel like them always being together when I dream about them is creepy.
Oh well, enough analysis for tonight. I've already taken my Ambien so I probably won't even remember typing this tomorrow. Since I got home so late from taking dad to the doctor today I didn't take any prednisone, so we'll see what bizarre dreams I have (or not) tonight.
See you in my dreams (Bwa ha ha....)
The first odd dream I had included some old friends of mine from before I was married the first time. One of them even passed away about 4 years ago and I hadn't even spoken to him for about 30 years. Kind of odd that I would even have him be in a dream, wouldn't you think? I don't remember the whole dream, but it had something to do with going on a trip. Just odd.
Last night I dreamed that a girl I used to work with at the police station and I were going to an offsite to pick up some mail or something, but the offsite was my grandparents old duplex - that's been gone for 40 years. Once we went inside there were some policemen I recognized but can't remember their names and then one that I do know who has retired. I always wake up from these dreams thinking "What the hell was that about?" Why do you dream about people you "know", but aren't friends with and don't have any interaction with on a regular basis? Have to wonder what goes on in our memory, don't you? Sometimes when I dream things they're actually old memories that I can remember when I wake up, I remember places and doing things that I had forgotten - I can understand that, but other times? My grandma used to call nightmares "night hawks". I don't know why she called them that, but she did. She wouldn't let me eat cereal before bed because she said I'd have "night hawks" if I did. She had some funny ideas - and I didn't have any cereal the past 2 nights!
Something else that I think is strange, whenever I dream about my mom and dad, they're always still married - or at least still together. I never have dreams where Pam or Fred (mom's husband) appear, just mom and dad together. I never thought mom and dad would stay together, I always had the feeling they would end up divorced, so I don't think I was "traumatized" by the whole thing, so I feel like them always being together when I dream about them is creepy.
Oh well, enough analysis for tonight. I've already taken my Ambien so I probably won't even remember typing this tomorrow. Since I got home so late from taking dad to the doctor today I didn't take any prednisone, so we'll see what bizarre dreams I have (or not) tonight.
See you in my dreams (Bwa ha ha....)
How to make 5 hours seem like 5 days...
Hmmmm. Steve came upstairs and I thought he was coming to bed, so I cut short my very interesting and funny conversation with my sister of the soul, India - I'm talking about you - and then he went back downstairs. Well hell. I guess this is one way to get me to write in my blog!
Today dad had an appointment at the VA. Oy... I don't mind taking him to the doctor, I really don't, I actually LIKE to take him, because then I know what's going on with him, health-wise, but today was quite literally the... POOPS. I won't go into detail, suffice it to say that dad came home in a diaper and 2 hospital gowns, because apparently the VA doesn't know men wear anything other than a size medium PJ pants. Quite interesting. Thankfully, since I have cloth car seats, we all came out of the situation unscathed. Except for dad's dignity, I think that was bruised a bit.
Dr. Greene thinks his shin pain are shin splints, possibly caused by mineral deficiencies. I'm open to suggestions. She did more bloodwork to double check and hopefully we'll hear soon. His HgA1c was higher than last time. He was a perfect 6.0 in April, but it's up to 7.3 now. Working on getting dad to drink more water that keeps his blood diluted enough that his blood sugar stays on the higher end of normal, which is as good as we can hope for by now.
It was just a really busy day. Dr. Greene was running behind, dad and I were late getting to the hospital because we had to stop at SW precinct for dad's billfold, which was with Mel at the VA already because we didn't get the message that she'd meet us there. Dad took his insulin without eating anything because Missy didn't wake up until noon and didn't fix anything for him, but dad was worried about missing the insulin. He doesn't remember that he HAS to eat when he takes the insulin. Thankfully he didn't get hypoglycemic, although I would have shared my lunch with him if he had. I had an Almond Joy for lunch (and breakfast - one half for each meal). I had a water chaser too, that was special. No pain pills either, until 5:45 p.m. Maybe that's what made the day so long. Mel and dad got into it about his phone (yes, again.... Wait, maybe it's still....) She left for a job interview for a part time job on that note. It has to be so hard to live with him when he's so difficult. I know I couldn't deal with it on a day to day basis. When I took dad home this afternoon Missy told me that dad went to a neighbor's house and used his phone to call Pam last night. I'm not pointing fingers, believe me, but how did he manage to get out of the house to even go to the neighbors? He makes it so difficult to keep an eye on him.
I'm anxious to hear from the VA to find out about whether dad got on the admission list or not. I seriously don't know what we're going to do if he didn't. We, and that includes me, just can't give him the kind of care he needs - and we sure as hell don't have the money to pay for a regular nursing home. He would HAVE to sell the house before he could be eligible for Medicaid and then where would he live while waiting to be placed? I'd love to say we could find room for him here - well to be honest, we COULD find room for him here, but I know I can't take care of him by myself and Steve, yeah, oh boy, Steve. That's the biggest fly in the ointment. He doesn't like dad and doesn't make any bones about it, so he probably wouldn't even LET dad stay here, even if my health would allow me to be able to care for him.
Another little incident happened this week too, dad went to Boyd and Charlie's for dinner. Apparently Missy took him over there and dropped him off (does anyone understand what dementia means?) and left her phone number with someone at the restaurant so they could call when dad was done with dinner and she'd come pick him up. Well, nobody called until they noticed dad was gone, so when Missy found him he was about 2 blocks from there, shuffling alone, in 100 degree heat. Can you feel the frustration? If I say anything to either one of the sisters, then they get mad at me and tell me if I can do better to go ahead and do it, which they know I can't, so we're back at square one, only no one is talking to anyone. I'm not bringing these things up as a criticism of my sisters personally, just staying that dad requires more care than he can get at home. Period. Something needs to be done before he gets hurt. Worse.
I have to wonder what his darling wife had to say to him yesterday. Wonder if she even noticed he hadn't called her for a couple weeks. Probably not. I told Mel today that maybe we need to stop making the house payment to pay for someone to come in during the day to be with dad. Can't make the house payment and get someone to come in both, there just isn't enough money - so it has to be one or the other. What do people do in situations like this? I'm sure my dad isn't the only person in the country who can't afford nursing home care or in home care and still be able to afford living expenses. I sure feel like we're the only people dealing with this though.
I'd like to end this on a happier note, but there just isn't one today. Well, I did get to come home and Steve fixed dinner AND took care of the dishes. I guess that's a pretty happy note. La la la la la.... Ben missed me while I was gone too. Poor little guy, I took a pain pill and we tried to nap before dinner. I'm so glad I have him - he's my best buddy.
My funny photo of the day - doesn't Matt look like a Conehead?
Today dad had an appointment at the VA. Oy... I don't mind taking him to the doctor, I really don't, I actually LIKE to take him, because then I know what's going on with him, health-wise, but today was quite literally the... POOPS. I won't go into detail, suffice it to say that dad came home in a diaper and 2 hospital gowns, because apparently the VA doesn't know men wear anything other than a size medium PJ pants. Quite interesting. Thankfully, since I have cloth car seats, we all came out of the situation unscathed. Except for dad's dignity, I think that was bruised a bit.
Dr. Greene thinks his shin pain are shin splints, possibly caused by mineral deficiencies. I'm open to suggestions. She did more bloodwork to double check and hopefully we'll hear soon. His HgA1c was higher than last time. He was a perfect 6.0 in April, but it's up to 7.3 now. Working on getting dad to drink more water that keeps his blood diluted enough that his blood sugar stays on the higher end of normal, which is as good as we can hope for by now.
It was just a really busy day. Dr. Greene was running behind, dad and I were late getting to the hospital because we had to stop at SW precinct for dad's billfold, which was with Mel at the VA already because we didn't get the message that she'd meet us there. Dad took his insulin without eating anything because Missy didn't wake up until noon and didn't fix anything for him, but dad was worried about missing the insulin. He doesn't remember that he HAS to eat when he takes the insulin. Thankfully he didn't get hypoglycemic, although I would have shared my lunch with him if he had. I had an Almond Joy for lunch (and breakfast - one half for each meal). I had a water chaser too, that was special. No pain pills either, until 5:45 p.m. Maybe that's what made the day so long. Mel and dad got into it about his phone (yes, again.... Wait, maybe it's still....) She left for a job interview for a part time job on that note. It has to be so hard to live with him when he's so difficult. I know I couldn't deal with it on a day to day basis. When I took dad home this afternoon Missy told me that dad went to a neighbor's house and used his phone to call Pam last night. I'm not pointing fingers, believe me, but how did he manage to get out of the house to even go to the neighbors? He makes it so difficult to keep an eye on him.
I'm anxious to hear from the VA to find out about whether dad got on the admission list or not. I seriously don't know what we're going to do if he didn't. We, and that includes me, just can't give him the kind of care he needs - and we sure as hell don't have the money to pay for a regular nursing home. He would HAVE to sell the house before he could be eligible for Medicaid and then where would he live while waiting to be placed? I'd love to say we could find room for him here - well to be honest, we COULD find room for him here, but I know I can't take care of him by myself and Steve, yeah, oh boy, Steve. That's the biggest fly in the ointment. He doesn't like dad and doesn't make any bones about it, so he probably wouldn't even LET dad stay here, even if my health would allow me to be able to care for him.
Another little incident happened this week too, dad went to Boyd and Charlie's for dinner. Apparently Missy took him over there and dropped him off (does anyone understand what dementia means?) and left her phone number with someone at the restaurant so they could call when dad was done with dinner and she'd come pick him up. Well, nobody called until they noticed dad was gone, so when Missy found him he was about 2 blocks from there, shuffling alone, in 100 degree heat. Can you feel the frustration? If I say anything to either one of the sisters, then they get mad at me and tell me if I can do better to go ahead and do it, which they know I can't, so we're back at square one, only no one is talking to anyone. I'm not bringing these things up as a criticism of my sisters personally, just staying that dad requires more care than he can get at home. Period. Something needs to be done before he gets hurt. Worse.
I have to wonder what his darling wife had to say to him yesterday. Wonder if she even noticed he hadn't called her for a couple weeks. Probably not. I told Mel today that maybe we need to stop making the house payment to pay for someone to come in during the day to be with dad. Can't make the house payment and get someone to come in both, there just isn't enough money - so it has to be one or the other. What do people do in situations like this? I'm sure my dad isn't the only person in the country who can't afford nursing home care or in home care and still be able to afford living expenses. I sure feel like we're the only people dealing with this though.
I'd like to end this on a happier note, but there just isn't one today. Well, I did get to come home and Steve fixed dinner AND took care of the dishes. I guess that's a pretty happy note. La la la la la.... Ben missed me while I was gone too. Poor little guy, I took a pain pill and we tried to nap before dinner. I'm so glad I have him - he's my best buddy.
My funny photo of the day - doesn't Matt look like a Conehead?
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Stardate... um... never mind that nonsense
It actally has been a good week as far as family stuff goes. Sunday night Matt, Magann, and Hailey came over for dinner. Hailey can put me in a good mood, no matter what else is going on. She went shopping with Matt to get a "fimmin' nulu", which in Haileyspeak is a swimming noodle. LOL! I wish I had a swimming pool. Might ask Dr. Seitz for a new rx for aquatic therapy and go again. Don't have any reason not to go now, I'm not watching Hailey anymore. I guess every cloud has a silver lining. I'd like to join the health club up at Immanuel again. That's a lot closer, but just don't have the $$ to go. I was thinking I might have the money to do it in August, but probably not since I gave Matt my cell phone money bill this month for his attorney. Oops. Well... That's what mother's are for, right? I couldn't tell you from experience, since my mother wouldn't give me the time of day, let alone money, but that's what I think a good mom should do. It's not like I was giving him money to go on a cruise or something, it's for Hails.
Last night Meg and Jason came over for dinner. Meg used the Cricut do so some stuff for Webolos while I took a nap. Jason also got a nap in, in the frigid basement. I guess he's more comfortable down there, but I would have felt bad if he had gotten frostbite. It's wicked cold down there - in my opinion. Steve brought home chicken and the worst potato salad we've ever had from Baker's. The chicken was great, though. I can't remember the last time I got to see both my kids and their families in the same week. It was nice.
Fibro-wise this week absolutely SUCKS. I was in bed all day Monday, napped while Meg was here yesterday because I felt so tired, and today I slept for awhile after lunch. I think it's kind of odd when you have to nap 2 hours after you wake up, but I guess that's life when you have this crap. Today I took things into my own hands and started a prednisone taper. I took 15 mg today, in a couple days I'll go to 10 mg, and then back to 5 mg, and see how I feel. I do feel a little better this evening, but I took the prednisone after 3 p.m., so I'm wondering how that's going to affect my sleep. I usually have very bizarre dreams if I take it that late, but if it works, it will be worth it.
Another good thing was that I didn't have to go to Scottsbluff for the VA admission committee meeting. Dad's Veteran's Service Officer agreed to testify in dad's behalf. Whew. I really don't think I could have made it this week, I really don't. Eight hours is just too long to sit and drive, and with a meeting tomorrow morning at 8:30 and then the drive home again I can just about guarantee being in bed for the entire weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed and saying lots of prayers that things go in our favor tomorrow - for a change. Missy has had a migraine for 5 of the last 7 days and I imagine Mel is about at the end of her rope between dad and Sleeping Beauty. I know I get frustrated when she can sit up all night drinking margaritas with her friend, yet has such a headache she can't take care of dad the next day. That's not a migraine, that's a hangover - which probably went into a migraine, since she's not supposed to drink alcohol. Then after recuperating (sleeping) for 2 or so days, she's on the phone whooping it up and laughing with someone and then half an hour later has to go to the hospital for a shot. I don't get it. When I have a regular headache I hate to laugh or talk loud because my head hurts so bad. I tried to talk to her last week abot how she can't sleep all day when she's supposed to be watching dad - hello, did he not just drink antifreeze while sitting right next to her? Oh, she knows, she told me she won't to that anymore. She'll always be up with him and making sure he goes to Sarah Care. He hasn't been to SC since he got out of the hospital and that was one of the conditions of his release. Yes, I know I'm being a witch because I won't drive a 30 mile round trip to take him to SC. He is supposed to me Missy's responsibility during the day - and we've ALL agreed to that. If she can't do it, it's HER responsibility to find someone else. Mel asked her to be home on Sunday night at 5, so Mel could go to work and get time entered and Missy told her she's absolutely be there. Yeah, she came home Monday afternoon. I just get frustrated. Probably shouldn't think about it since stress is a literally a pain with fibro, which nobody in my family gets. That's for another rant on another day.
India sent me the name of a company that hires disabled people to work part time and they keep your wages under the $1000 a month mark - where you'd lose your benefits. Maybe I should look into that. Maybe I wouldn't be so bored if I weren't so tired though... Get busy on my cemetery stuff. I've got hundreds of pictures to add to both websites. I thought about going out to take pictures today, but the heat index was over 100 - so I shelved that idea... and took a nap instead. I'm not looking forward to winter, or even fall for that matter, but a little cooler would be okay.
Tomorrow I need to print some pictures of Cookie and send them off to her former owner, Joyce. She's written Meg a few times and said she's like some pictures. I really wouldn't mind driving down to Crete so she could see Cookie, but really don't know how well Cookie would do in the heat either - and then I have to find out of the nursing home would let her in. I think it's just hell getting old.
Started watching Ghost Whisperer today. For some reason I can get Season 5 on the bedroom TV, but nothing earlier; although I can get Seasons 1-4 on my computer. The computer it is then - I can be flexible if I have to! I never really watched it before. It's sadder than I expected, but it's a good show.
Oh, if my spelling sucks, blame Blogger, they took the spellcheck off the options.
And thus endeth the epistle of the day.
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