One Bright Spot

I did forget to mention that when he was at his attorney's office the other day, dad was complaining about how long this whole divorce was taking and his attorney told him it was his fault for continuing to talk to Pam. (ha ha ha - SCORE for our side!) Dad really has no judgment left, he can't talk to her and not tell her everything, and I do mean everything. Dad was kind of taken aback for a minute, but he told Richard that he was going to call her "one more time" to tell her he wasn't going to talk to her anymore. If I had a nickel for every time dad said that, I could retire a very rich woman. It's always "one more time", "one more time"... Mel said she knows he did call her last night, so we blocked her numbers again today. Heh, heh, heh. If he complains about her number being blocked we're going to remind him that he told Richard he wasn't going to call her anymore after last night.

The one thing that concerns me though is that he's been looking for his service revolver. That in itself isn't an issue, but he's also been talking more and more about how he's "outlived" his usefulness and that his life is over and he doesn't want to be alive anymore. Don't know where the gun is, and if I did, I wouldn't let him have it. At this point in time, dad can't see Pam for what she is. In the beginning, he didn't want to see her for what she is and admit the gross error in judgment he made in marrying the skank, but now I don't believe he is able to see her for what she is. He's so concrete in his thinking, if you told him the moon was made of green cheese he'd believe it. Consequently when the skank says she loves him all the time (ha ha ha, I'm rolling on the floor here), he believes it. She played him like a violin for all these years. Now when he asks her if she's coming home she says, "Not back to THAT house". As if they have a choice. Because of her dad's credit is completely shot to hell, they couldn't rent a kennel at the humane society for the night. I could care less what happens to her, but it's too bad she's taken an old man down with her.

New Baby Alert!!!

This has been a wonderful week for my best friend from high school - and before, Dorothy (Sporven) Green - she became a GRANDMA this week! I'm so excited for her, I know she's been soooo excited the past few weeks she's just been beside herself with anticipation. Little Madison was born day before yesterday to her son and his girlfriend. She weighed 6 pounds and some odd ounces (I can't remember - hey, I can't remember how much Hailey weighed either!!!), and she was 19-1/2 inches long. She is darling from the pictures I've seen of her. I wish I could have gone out there - at least by this weekend to see the little angel, but of course that's out with my financial status! Anyway, congrats to the new grandma and grandpa - I hope you have many, many, many years to spend with your new little sweetheart - I know sometimes Hailey is all that keeps me going!

Otherwise, this has been a horrible week. I have been so impatient and just plain crabby to everyone - and I know it. I haven't even had as much patience with Hailey as I normally do. She is such a bundle of energy and I have just felt like the biggest pile of dog poo in existence that we just haven't had as much fun this week as we normally do. I did go out the other night and got her some Melissa and Doug refrigerator food to play with. She's having a lot of fun - mostly chewing on it - but we have had fun. Of course, being only 16 months old, she's not long in the imagination department and she was so happy to see that she had "juice", but was reduced to tears when she realized that Nana couldn't open this "juice" and the bottle was solid wood. So much the better to chew on, as she later discovered, but she wasn't too happy at first. I'd really like to be able to get her a little kitchen like I had for Meg when she was little. Wouldn't it be nice if I had been able to keep that and pass it on down to my grandkids? Sometimes I dislike my ex more than other times. Jerk.

To be back on track, I love Melissa and Doug toys, they're all wood and very high quality! Wish I had known about them when I had kids - maybe they weren't even around then, who knows? I found a lady on Craigslist who lives nearby who has about 100 boxes of their toys that she's selling for 20% of wholesale price. Score! She used to have a toy store at Nebraska Crossing, but she went out of business and now all the stuff is in her garage. I told her I was glad she had so much stuff - that I'd be calling her in a couple weeks when Hailey's mom gave me some more money. You see why I never have money? I'm a grandma, that's why!!!

The situation with my dad is just frustrating me beyond words, too. After my little "fact-finding" trip last Friday and seeing how much assisted living costs, I'm discouraged about that. The ONLY place he's going to be able to go is to the VA. There's no other option. So, on one hand, I'm mad at him for not planning for his retirement better (although who could have seen the financial crunch that happened within the past couple of years - especially when he retired 29 years ago), and on the other hand I'm irritated with Steve because he doesn't think we need to be planning for our own retirement yet. Even though he sees what the prices are like now and we're not getting any richer!!! The whole VA process is a PITA (pain in the ass - pardon my language). I've gotten the total run around from the nurse at Dr. Greene's office about dad's neuropsych stuff, which makes me especially mad. But the whole process is "hurry up and wait". The admission board only meets quarterly to decide on new admissions - and then you're put on a waiting list! Sigh. We don't even know if we can GET the paperwork in by the February meeting, so the next one is in May or June, and then we'd have to wait, like I said, for an opening. Mel was going to take the papers she had previously filled out for him and take them to the VA, hoping they'd be filled out by his next appointment on Feb 11, but I was reading what she had written in September and, quite frankly, my dad has taken a definite downhill turn. Things that he was able to do, such as self medicate, and take care of his own meals, aren't applicable any more. Mel even has to fill his syringe for his insulin because his eyesight has gotten so bad. He can still inject himself, but no more loading the syringe. Can't fill his weekly medication dispenser either, or he'll take a whole days' medication at a time - and not even necessarily the right day! So if someone checks his medicine, and sees he hasn't take his lunchtime meds, then they'll overdose him, not knowing he's taken all of another days' meds already. Now, Mel fills one day at a time, and even at that, he's taken a whole day at a time more than once. He absolutely can't cook for himself. Forget nourishing, he can't even remember how to operate the microwave. Mel had to show him 3 times last week (in one day) how to use the remote control for the TV - which he's had for years. Not good.

And then let's talk about the bottom-feeding scum suckers, um, I mean lawyers, that he has. DEEP sign. Before the end of the year I talked to his divorce attorney and he said he had some questions for dad's bankruptcy attorney and we need to schedule a telephone conference with his guardian ad litem regarding the idiot dad is married to. I told him I would call both attorneys and have them call him. I did, and neither one has called him. Come to find out, even HE has called both of them and they haven't returned his phone call either. I called his guardian ad litem yesterday and left her a rather sarcastic message. I told her dad might not be important to her, but he was to me and I thought waiting 3 weeks to return a phone call to another attorney was ridiculous. I said dad had been in the hospital AGAIN because of interaction with Pam and this had to stop. The divorce lawyer needed to talk to her and since I had called the first week in January I expected to hear that she had called him by next Tuesday. I have to say I was shocked because the phone at the office was actually answered by a living, breathing person. All this time dad has had her as an attorney the phone was answered by a recording and you just entered the extension number to leave a voice message for whatever attorney you wanted. Maybe they're finally making enough money to hire some staff!!

I was literally shaking I was so mad at that point that I didn't contact the bankruptcy attorney again - plus Hailey was wanting to sit on my lap and I couldn't get a proper mad on when I was holding her, so that will have to wait until Monday. Then, of all freaking things, I realized I can't find the darn bankruptcy papers that I had filled out. I know they're here somewhere, I just can't remember WHERE! I hate this darn fibro fog and not being able to remember things. I have torn by "project" room apart with no luck - although I do have a stack of papers that belong to dad that are about 4" tall - mostly his bills, which I have entered on the computer anyway. Very frustrating.

To top all that off Steve and I got into it last night. His usual "just stick him in a home, it's not your problem" is getting a little old. I was really mad to find out that Meg had called him the day before and she was out of gas in her driveway and he didn't go help her. He said it wasn't his problem she couldn't budget money and ran out. I asked him if she said she was out of gas or out of money and he said she told him she was going to get gas the night before, but it was too cold, so she was going to get gas on the way to work, but her car wouldn't start. I told him it was wonderful that he was the kind of dad you could depend on in a crisis. Sounded to me like she just didn't have enough gas in her tank and the lines froze up during the night. Which is something I think she would have learned after living in the midwest the majority of her life, but apparently she hasn't.

So, the total lack of spousal support is getting on my nerves too. I would never, ever talk to him about his parents the way he talks to me about my family and my dad. I could care less what he says about my mother, his opinion and mine on that matter are pretty much the same (which speaks volumes in itself), but when I say I feel responsible for my dad because he's my DAD for pete's sake, I don't want to hear that it's not my problem. It IS my problem. It's especially irritating for me because when we bought this house, we specifically talked about his mom and/or Bob being able to live with us with the 5 bedrooms and the basement practically being an apartment, minus a stove. It's all well and good if it's for his family, but not mine? I love his mom and Bob, and they most certainly are always welcome to live here if that situation should arise (which is doubtful because they've planned for their retirement and old age concerns). Wish I could say the same for Steve. I think he has a piece of ice where his heart is supposed to be - and not just because the weather is colder than heck!!

So, that's it, new baby and old frustration. My life in a nutshell. I love my life. If you're really strong enough to take everything God gives you, I really must look like Schwarznegger!

I do have to